Yellowstone National Park

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With a thousand screamin' trucks And eleven long-haired friends of Jesus In a chartreusse microbus

Thanks to Teresa and Haidi for the line.


Sunday 27 August

We left Saltwater and headed east to Yellowstone. We took SR410 across Washington rather than the motorway as we also wanted to visit Mount Rainier. Washington is just one mountain after another, so we thought we should visit at least one and Mount Rainier is one of the most accessible and en route.

For once we had got up and on the road by 8. We had wanted to stop at the first entrance to the mountain to make breakfast on our all singing, all dancing camp stove. Due to forest fire, however, the road was closed - and it probably wasn’t wise to start any kind of fire in that area, so we headed back down the mountain to pick up the road around the park to the next entrance which was a couple of hours drive away. We stopped in Wilkeson and let them cook us breakfast instead. We went into a small café and got coffee and tea - but they said they didn’t do breakfast, just biscuits and gravy. The biscuits are like scones and the gravy is this weird grey stuff and looks indescribably bad - I just can’t imagine anything more disgusting, I assume Americans feel the same way about marmite. Fortunately for us the café had run out of biscuits and gravy, because he was such a sweet old man I would hate to offend him by throwing up his food. He sent us to the restaurant down the road - the Pick ‘n’ Shovel, which, despite its name, did a lovely breakfast. It had the look of a typical 1950’s US restaurant you always see on TV. The bar area was even more amazing - the owner showed us the bar which he had had built by an Englishmen. It was just like an English pub, not in a Cheers theme bar kind of way, but a genuine pub. But as it was still only 9.30 I couldn’t bring myself to sit and drink beer, so we just had breakfast.

Wilkeson was quite a small town, but very quaint and it seemed that half the town came in to the restaurant for breakfast. The menu was quite extensive and of course you could have your eggs anyway you wanted, scrambled, poached, sunny side up, over easy, coated in 0.99 sterling silver, whatever. The owner was really friendly, and was short-staffed that morning so he was waiter, cook, everything. It was a packed restaurant, yet nobody had to wait and the food was good. The man who sat behind us was one of those who will read through a menu and then when he gives his order ask for everything just slightly differently from how it is on the menu. I thought I was fussy - but if it isn’t on the menu why ask? It is like going into a VW dealer and saying “I want a Golf, but I want it to look just like the 1973 Mark IV Capri” - nobody does that, but when it is a restaurant some people seem to get a power kick out of ordering everything slightly differently. When he had finished his long list of adjustments, he said “but I don’t want to be any bother”. Well of course he wanted to be a bother, that was the whole point of it, why be that pedantic if you aren’t doing it to get more attention than any other customer. I know … I spend too much time listening to other people, but you can only look at so many mountains.

When we got to Mount Rainier it was nearly midday and the park was packed. The view was spectacular. We wandered around different points of the park, even walked for a few miles through the forest. We were actually headed for a viewpoint indicated on the map as being a short walk from the starting point. After nearly two miles I met a man running down the mountain who told me that we were about halfway. It was steep, there were many wobbly looking bridges over the points where the switchback path crossed the stream - and this being America chances were there was a route for the car so we headed back down. Even walking we can’t navigate a simple route. But there was a vehicle road that went straight to it - actually it was a very winding road with a long sheer drop to one side, but luckily for both of us Jess was driving.

It was definitely worth the drive and walk - the view was amazing and so incredible that it was so hot yet the mountain was covered in snow. On the road up to the mountain we passed loads of cyclists. In most of the parks we went to there were cyclists touring. Jess said there is always something smug about them, as if they feel superior to the rest of us because they go through so much effort to get to each mountain. But I always wonder at the sanity of people who not only choose to spend hours sitting on an incredibly uncomfortable seat but also think that dayglo-yellow lycra shorts are suitable attire for a grown man.

After leaving Mount Rainier we continued east towards Yellowstone. It was about 1,000 miles from our starting point, so there was no way we were going to do it in a day. We stopped at about 6 p.m. at Potholes State Park. Potholes is in the middle of Washington’s fruit farming district. We drove past miles and miles of orchards and melon patches and at least one field of mint as the smell was quite overpowering. It was quite an unusual setting for a state park - but I assume people use it to sail on the reservoir. It was a very clean, peaceful campsite and we relaxed with a beer or two after dinner - my rule of camping being that any old rubbish you cook up will seem OK if you have decent wine or ale to wash it down with. The peace was soon shattered by a teenager using the park as a racing track for his scooter. When I say scooter I don’t mean a Lambretta or even a Honda Cub, but a motorised version of those little two-wheeler toys Teddy used to ride on in Andy Pandy. How anyone can think they look cool on that is beyond me, let alone race round on it in pursuit of teen machismo. After about the eighth circuit I asked him to go and play somewhere else - he ignored me. After the ninth circuit the camp rangers - two young men in a golf buggy and they fitted every description of camp, also asked him to stop and he ignored them too. After the tenth circuit the very muscular man across the way told him to stop immediately or he would beat him to a pulp - and strangely enough Teddy Scooter Boy stopped immediately. The two quite-camp rangers then pottered around on their little golf buggy to tell everyone the problem was now dealt with. We went back to our beer and trying to work out which group of stars was the Big Dipper, which was the Plough and which was just some aircraft taking off.

Monday we left reasonably early, for us, and headed east again. Apart from stopping in the nearest town for the post office, we drove for 11 hours only stopping for food and fuel. The drive took us through Washington, Idaho and Montana until we got to Yellowstone which is just on the border between Montana and Washington. Idaho and Montana were very mountainous and the roads were switchback all the way - but the speed limit was still a very reasonable 75 miles an hour. We stopped for lunch in St Regis, Montana. There were very few places to stop at along the mountains, and they all had casinos attached to the diners. Very bizarre. The diner where we stopped at was OK - but the casino was quite seedy looking, so we left there with our money intact. Also we asked the waitresses which was the best way to Yellowstone - to go to the W Yellowstone entrance, or keep on the interstate and go via the North entrance. They had no idea as they had never been there, and one of them had yet to visit the mountains in Montana. I always forget that not everyone wants to visit their own nation's major tourist attractions, even though I don't bother at home. I have never been to Bath, ignore at least half of London's "must-see" attractions and haven't even been to Birmingham - so I am just as bad.

When we got to Yellowstone it was gone 8pm - then we found out we had crossed into a different time zone and it was gone 9. I still thought we should find our campsite, but Yellowstone is darker at night than any town could ever be, and we would also have the fun of ensuring all food, water, toiletries, utensils and the stove were locked in the trunk as bears have very sensitive noses and will quite happily rip your tent up to get to your toothpaste. After a few minutes of driving in the scary, dark forest we headed back to town and found a motel. Dinner was pizza at the only place in town still open and Trout Ale - which was OK, but not as good as Alaskan Amber. The barman was very entertaining and chatted to us throughout our meal. He was most put out that Jess wouldn’t marry an American, but I assured him I was quite happy to dumbdown for the sake of a green card. We bought some off sales beer and headed back to dumbdown some more in front of late night TV chat shows.

Tuesday we finally made it to our campsite - we picked Grants Pass, the most southerly of the parks sites because it had showers and not too many families. Whilst we were registering I was knocked out of the way twice by a woman trying to check in at the same time. There were two registering desks, we were the only two parties checking in - so there seemed little need for such behaviour. But Pushy Mom had been into the Park hours before to find the perfect spot in the Park. She had then rushed back at 10 - which is checking out time, to make sure she got that spot, and she clearly wasn’t going to let stubby little me get in the way. Jess checked in and got all the information on our site whilst I listened to Pushy Mom. The ranger explained to her that the present occupants didn’t have to check out until 10 - and may wish to stay another day, so he couldn’t give her that spot until it was definitely free which would be some time later that day. The park was at least half empty, so there was no shortage of sites she could pick, but she was absolutely determined. The rangers remained calm and polite throughout - to their credit. Pushy Mom went on for some time about the rules and how people should be out and if the people wanted to stay they should reserve and how much effort she had gone to in order to secure this spot. Every now and again Mr Pushy Mom put in a few comments, she ignored him, the children ignored him, the ranger ignored him - I would assume he was accustomed to this. Pushy Mom came out with the classic line “I don’t want to be a bother”, which had me in fits of laughter. I am always fascinated when I find people even ruder than me and Jess had to drag me away to find our site and put our own tent up. However next time I am mid-strop I am going to try smiling sweetly and saying “but I don’t want to be any bother”.

After we had put our tent up we went for breakfast. In the restaurant we found Mr Pushy Mom and the kids eating as well. Pushy Mom was nowhere in sight, I think she spent most of that day camped out by her spot to stop anyone else getting it.

Everywhere we went in Yellowstone the staff were incredibly happy and helpful. Most of them were retired and came here for the summer to volunteer. They got the minimum wage and out of that paid their food and lodging or $4 per day to pitch their RVs, but they just enjoyed the summer at Yellowstone. Some of them had been coming back for over 10 years. We were buying postcards at one shop and before we knew it the assistant had told us her life story, her son’s life story and his medical history. There was a huge queue of people behind us and we were trying to make it to the door without seeming rude, but she didn’t pause for breath. He was approaching 40 and still lived with his mother. I think she was hoping that one of us would take him off her hands - I would rather be single than lumbered with a 40 year old sickly mummy’s boy, but it seemed rude to say no so we just did a runner. Also even though she was a nice enough woman, I am not sure I would want to spend every family occasion and bank holiday across the dining table from her, there is a lot to be said for marrying orphans.

On our way into the park we had passed two huge elk, one after the other, just sat at the side of the road oblivious to the hordes or tourists snapping away. We didn’t stop as we wanted to get our tent set up and assumed that such elks would be ten a penny once we got into the park. How wrong we were - it was 3 days before we saw another male elk.

The park is absolutely massive. Millions of acres of forest. The roads make up less than 1% and only 5% of tourists ever leave the road. Lazy as we are we actually did go off road - not too often, but we made a bit of an effort and went for the odd wander round rivers and also went for a horse trail ride. The forests were devastated by a fire in 1988 which took out half the park, but it is starting to grow back, it does mean that much of it looks shabby, but forests need fires to regenerate, so we were told. It was also amazing to see the path of the fire - how it could sweep down a mountain in stripes, leaving huge tracts untouched.

Bison are everywhere, they seem to love walking about in the roads and stopping the traffic. You can always spot people on their first day in the park - they all pull over and start frantically snapping away to get pictures of the bison, and we were no exception. The traffic coming towards us had been held up for hours, but the only cars behind us were also pulled over and playing paparazzi to the bisons’ Lady Di routine - “I don’t want to be photographed, but I am just going to prance about in front of anyone with a camera”. Suddenly a car coming the other way stopped and the occupant screamed at us “you can’t stop there, dummy”. He clearly thought he had done his duty with regard to traffic control however it fell on deaf ears, Jess was oblivious as she was watching the bison, and I was doubled up with laughter - because he looked exactly like a grown-up version of Albert E. Neuman from ‘Mad’ magazine.

We spent three days driving and walking round the park. We saw bison, mule deer, elk, two very elusive moose (mooses, meese?). We once saw a dot high on a hill which people with binoculars informed us was a bear - but sadly we didn’t see anything that we could vouch for as bear. The bears are said to be very camera shy - but back in the 1970’s when picnickers shared their lunch with them, they had no such truck, so clearly they are merely sulking at not getting their daily hit of junk food. The wolves were also notable by their absence. They were introduced into the park a few years ago, and feed on the elk, which seems a bit mean if you are elk. We also saw a weird kind of butterfly which looked just like a cricket when it landed, but when it was flying was bright yellow and made a sound just like Klackers.

We did the tourist thing along with everyone else - wandered round the gift shops, ate ice cream, took hundreds of pictures of springs and geysers which after a while all start to look the same. Small creatures scurry around everywhere emitting high pitched squeaks and snapping away at every stick, stone and bison - the Nikon-crested Japanese tourist. I took hundreds of photos, but they literally photographed everything - and of course they all have really state-of-the-art cameras. One couple were in raptures over a stick on the ground. I have never been to Japan so have no idea how rare sticks may be, but surely they had seen enough at Yellowstone after walking 10 feet for it not to be such a big deal?

We got up before dawn twice to go out driving in search of bears. The problem with this is that half the park’s tourists have done exactly the same, so the roads are full of sleepy tourists, most of them in huge RVs. The bears aren’t exactly not going to notice us all coming. We were sleepy, hungry and disappointed because the bears remained more elusive than a decent England football team manager. However we did see two male elk battling it out - whether it was for the attention of the female Elk, for our entertainment, or just to pass the time of day I don’t know, but it was quite amazing to witness. They are huge beasts and really powerful, but when their antlers are locked against each other and they are each pushing the other with all their might they emit these really girly little squeaks. The sun was hardly up so I couldn’t get a good photo, but we were there for ages watching them.

We also went horse trail riding in the ‘back country’. The trail guides talked to us the about the history of the park, the history and path of the fire, indicated all the types of flora found in the park and, quite annoyingly, how just the day before they had seen bears. I bet they say that to all the groups just to get them to sign up again. My horse was called Dean and Jess’s was called Rosie - maybe they came from Chigwell. It was a lovely way to spend 2 hours and I couldn’t always listen to the guide as I was busy trying to stay on my horse. He was very placid and we got along well enough - he plodded along and I just sat there nervously, not everyone’s idea of the perfect relationship but it worked for me and Dean. It was a beautiful day, the scenery was amazing and most of the time the only sound for miles around was the short guy from Massachusetts behind me who was equally nervous and disguised it with a running commentary on what both his and my horse were doing at any given time - I was just pleased that one of us was concentrating on the horses so I could completely ignore them and look at the scenery.

Yellowstone was without doubt the cleanest campsite we stayed in, the showers were blissfully clean and hot, we had no noisy neighbours and at night we fell asleep to the sounds of coyote and wolves howling in the distance. However we woke about two hours later freezing half to death. After one night of being awake half the night putting more and more clothes on we bought thermal clothing and fleece blankets to add to our night attire. The second night we were really warm and felt that we had conquered the weather. No such luck - the third night I ended up not being able to sleep until I was wearing two thick layers of clothing, wrapped in two fleece blankets and zipped up inside my sleeping bag, and even then I woke up every time I turned over as it let a draft in. It was bitterly bitterly cold - and probably the reason so many tourists were up before the dawn looking for bears. Anything to be in your car with the radiator on. It seemed odd to get sunburn in the day and yet turn into Iceland at night.

After Yellowstone we headed south and drove all through Grand Teton National Park which is just next door give or take 20 miles. Grand Teton was also stunning but in a totally different way. In Yellowstone you are always at 6,000 to 9,000 feet so you don’t really notice the mountains so much as you are on top of them. In Grand Teton the mountains are less numerous, so they become scenic again. There is apparently wildlife in Grand Teton too although we didn’t catch sight of any. We stood on top of one of the mountains admiring the view and spent ages scrutinising the plains at the bottom of the mountain in hope that a bear would just stick a paw out from behind the trees. The tourists in Grand Teton were even totally different. Whereas Yellowstone was families, Japanese tourists and big fat hairy bikers, Grand Teton was full of wrinklies and the British. Both parks had a glut of RVs. I like the idea of driving around in an RV, but it isn’t much fun when you are stuck behind one because you can’t see a thing.

When we finally left Grand Teton we drove for hours until we got to Salt Lake City. The road took us through Wyoming and a corner of Idaho until we got to Utah. The scenery was breathtaking, we were surrounded by mountains, hills and lakes. Wyoming is the least populous state despite being the 10th largest and I could see why - it is all scenery. The towns we drove through were tiny - for example Etna, population 200, elevation 5,800. Etna, despite only having 200 residents, had the biggest church I have ever seen that isn’t a cathedral. It was like a massive aircraft hangar with a big crucifix on the front- it must be very empty even when everyone goes. Idaho was much of the same scenery, but yet again as we were on a major highway there was nowhere to stop and take photographs. Equally we had a long drive ahead of us and there is so much scenery all your pictures start to look the same, so to our shame we just kept on driving and ignoring half of it.

I don’t know what I expected of Utah - but I had just assumed it was all salt flats and desert. It is actually very picturesque, although I have no pictures because of course there was nowhere to stop on the small winding roads - so small and so winding we kept on forgetting we were on a major highway. I had also assumed Utah had a glut of churches and wives - it definitely had a lot of churches, but I don’t know about the wives, however I didn’t see any men walking the streets with a harem behind them so another myth is shattered. Being a very religious state (it is virtually dry, but we had our secret stash of Alaskan Amber in the boot for just such an emergency) I was shocked that all the motorists ignored the 75 mile an hour speed limit and zoomed along at about 90. Everywhere else you go, except Montana obviously, the drivers stick rigidly to the speed limit. Utah - nobody did.

We stayed at a motel - our camping days behind us. The lady at the check-in desk recommended two restaurants nearby, one of which would actually serve alcohol if you had membership, which we did by virtue of the motel. We walked in and walked out again - it was very smoky and quite seedy looking. In the other diner the poor staff were rushed off their feet as about 40 firemen had been in for meals. Firemen are shipped in from everywhere when there is a forest fire. Sadly for us by the time we got there all the young good looking ones had departed and we were left with the grizzly in-bred ones. We sat opposite a nice couple from Utah who chatted to us whilst we waited for our meals. The wife was actually German but had lived over here for 25 years. Her English was impeccable, she didn’t even have a german accent, the only thing that gave her away as a foreigner was her good grammar and extensive vocabulary. Although when I asked her if she often visited Germany she said the only time she had been back was ‘to bury my sister’, in that way Americans have of saying they have been to a funeral, as if they had to personally dig the grave and shove the body in.

They were asking us all about Charles and Camilla, we didn’t know anything more than what we had read on the cover of the Enquirer in the grocery store and I was too tired to make anything up, so we weren’t much use for gossip. They were Diana fans and had sat up all night to watch her funeral and the aftermath. It was nice to have such friendly people to chat to and in fact just about everyone who spoke to us along our trip was really friendly and chatty. The mean ones we didn’t speak to - I just eavesdropped in on their rantings, picking up tips!

Saturday we were on the road by 8.30 and took it in turns to drive across the deserts of Utah and Nevada back to California. It was an 11 hour drive and 10 of it across desert valleys and dry dusty mountains. You could actually see towns about 10 miles before you reached them. We took it in turns and drove for about 2 hours each at a time - in case we fell asleep from the sheer boredom of the landscape. You would see a sign saying “Oasis 10 miles”, then you would come across a turn off the Interstate which lead to 3 houses - this was Oasis, then nothing for another hour or so. We couldn’t imagine who would want to live there. Also sometimes we saw ranches - and all were a bit grotty and ramshackle, but at the entrance to the ranch they had the most magnificent gates. Even more odd is that there is no fence leading from the gates to surround the property - it is just a pair of gates stuck in the middle of nowhere. You don't even have to drive through them to get to the ranch. Apparently some people just swerve off the highway and head off across the salt flats for where they want to be. Also along the way on each side of the road people have stopped and written their name in the sand or made their names out of rocks - which is just plain weird when your version of a motorway is the M25. If you do swerve off you are unlikely to do much damage to yourself or anyone else - because it is just miles and miles of desert. Even the traffic coming the other way is separate by at least half a mile from your side of the road.

Eventually we left the desert for the green hills and botoxed faces of California. Home at last - well for Jess. For me it is a long time until I see home, but I have just about finished the first bit of my trip. It was great to spend some time with Jess again - and despite being cooped up together for 24 hours for 16 days we got on really well, one minor blip on Friday morning - caused by sheer cold and lack of sleep, but it is hard not to talk and although we both wanted to storm off in a huff, when you are in a tent there is absolutely nowhere to storm off to, so after about 10 minutes we just laughed and got on with it. Jess's car has been a trooper - for an automatic, which aren't made for mountainous journeys, it has got us everywhere and kept our food and toiletries safe from bears, coped with us overloading it with clothes and blankets and was the only warm place in Yellowstone at 5 a.m.

I am hoping to go to Lake Tahoe before I leave for Fiji, so keep an eye out for that- but it will just be a daytrip.

Viv xx

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Photos

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Hot Springs, Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming.

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Pick 'N Shovel Restaurant, Wilkeson, Washington.

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Mount Rainier National Park, Washington

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Mount Rainier National Park, Washington

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Sunset at Potholes State Park, Washington

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Potholes State Park, Washington

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This always works on Harry Potter.

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Hot Springs, Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming.

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Yellowstone Lake, Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming.

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Bison, Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming.

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Bison Traffic Jam

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Old Faithful Geyser, Yellowstone.

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Leather Lake, Yellowstone.

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Elk Fight.

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This Elk has 7 prongs on his antlers - quite rare and gives him much kudos amongst the female Elks!!

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Spot the moose.

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The grey striped areas show parts of the forest devastated by fire. Yellowstone.

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Grand Teton NP, Wyoming.

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Jenny Lake, Grand Teton NP, Wyoming

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Salt Lake, Utah

Comments

[Fi]

Shame about the bears !
Hi Viv, really enjoying reading your blog, very entertaining and the trip sounds fantastic. Great photos too. Sorry that you didn't see any bears in Yellowstone - they were probably keeping well away from the likes of Pushy Mom ! Looking forward to the next instalment already. Take care, Fi.

[Gerald]

Blog
Viv, Great stuff. Great photos and words.