Time to go home and get rid of the twinkies

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Another vacation has ended for us, and we're making the inevitably grueling drive home. When you're on the road headed for a weekend away, the drive seems less taxing. You're going toward something, you have an enjoyable goal, and you're fresh with excitement and energy. But when the fun is over and it's time to hit the road for home, the feeling is entirely different. Every mile seems to take an hour, every driver is exponentially more annoying, and even road food doesn't taste nearly as good and you find yourself thinking about the normal food at home.

Lucky for me, we're driving through the Bible belt of South Carolina. I noticed this area on the way down, but knew to look for it this time. There's a church at every mile marker and either the cross, the Virgin, or a weather-worn Jesus in each front yard. Entire monuments and gardens dedicated to the household's religious symbol of choice.

The houses are quite another sight. I've never seen single wide trailers adorned with such ostentatious accoutrements. You've got your basic front porch, which has taken seed and grown into an architectural monstrosity, with beautifully stained wood and Cracker Barrel rocking chairs off to the side. Gardens landscaped over the top enough to nearly qualify them as tourist attractions, and the occasional manmade stream or pond with the inevitable cheesy bridge and cutesy little wishing well. Instead of the aluminum flashing to cover cinderblock foundations, there are intricate brick constructions worthy of a magazine cover.

I guess what I don't understand is that if these people have the kind of money or skill to construct such lavish add-ons, why didn't they just build a house? Now I understand the practicality of a pre-built home just as much as the next Michigan girl. With a limited build season and reasonably safe environment, generally free of, say, major hurricanes, any kind of manufactured home makes good sense. But make no mistake, folks. I'm not referring to the lovely homes they make nowadays that have given the pre-built industry so much appeal. I'm talking about these beautiful landscapes around 20 year old trailers that people literally drove onto their property. How much sense does it make to put out that kind of cash for landscaping on a home in a hurricane zone??

Last night was sleepless for me, as I was blindsided by a migraine and had to give in and take one of those lovely caffeinated headache pills. I rolled about for awhile in my bed, rolled about for while in Jerry's bed, and eventually gave up and watched 3 episodes of CSI. During one commercial break, I got out from under the covers and went outside to watch the surf, and ended up seeing something completely different. The ocean, of course, was still there, but I was slightly distracted by the naked couple I witnessed going at it vigorously on a towel in the sand. Feeling rather amused, I hung out on the porch for a minute having a hearty laugh and wondering how on earth they planned to get the sand out of their crevices. As I turned to head back inside, I heard a set of new voices, and turned around just in time to hear another couple walk out of the hotel for a midnight stroll on the beach. You know, there is no more delightful sound than the squeal of someone realizing they've been discovered in all their glory at their most vulnerable moments. Or the squeal of the people who discovered them.

Well, I'm going to try and wrest the eighties CD out of the CD player and regain control of the playlist. Wish me luck.

Today's lesson: Beautiful beachscapes can make for lovely vacation memories. Then again, people bumping uglies and getting caught can make for some of the most amusing.

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