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Published: September 4th 2007
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Today I learned what Myrtle Beach is actually about. Relaxation and cheese!
We woke up around noon to a slightly overcast day, and Jerry of course assumed automatically that since it was so late, we will make it nowhere. I'm still trying to figure out if that was a ploy to get me up and moving, or if he really thought I was going to lie in bed all day. I was determined not to waste another vacation in another city to my own inability to get up and moving. I was showered and ready to go in a flash, and dragged poor Jerry out the door.
Food was, of course, the first stop of the day, and a vacation to a tourist town isn't complete without a trip to the Hard Rock. We have one in DC, and Karalyn and I stopped by the one in Nassau. They were both holes in the wall. Oh no. The Myrtle Beach Hard Rock is NOT a hole in the wall.
As is tradition, the restaurant was loud and busy and a complete delight. Jerry had a blast singing along with Blondie, and I got the satisfaction of educating him
about the early years of Smashing Pumpkins (he didn't recognize Billy Corgan with hair). Our waitress was probably one of the best I've ever had, and I applaud the bartender for getting my drinks made in three minutes flat.
My poor husband helped me out of the restaurant and over to the Ripley's aquarium. What would have been $40 worth of tickets quickly turned into a much cheaper investment when Jerry showed his military ID with his credit card. $9 got us both in the door. You have to love that the military discount tickets were less than the children's admission.
The holiday crowd was insane, but for once I wasn't bothered. Drinking will do that! I'll admit it, I was a bit inebriated during our Ripley's trip. However, I wouldn't have done it any other way. For the first time, I found the hoards of children charming, and was all the more fascinated when we went through the aquarium's tunnels. I took pictures of the sharks directly overhead with no flash and no zoom. They were that close and very content to lie on the glass and visit the tourists.
After Jerry was finally able to
drag me from the aquarium, we wandered the boardwalk, the quintessential example of touristy excess and cheesiness. Gift shops, colorful restaurants, fountains and a Kiss themed coffeehouse. As homage to my Southern husband and his marrying a yankee wife, I bought a t-shirt that said, "Sweeter than sweet tea." Though we all know I'm a great big sourpuss.
We strolled through the stores, bought scrapbook supplies for vacations we haven't even taken yet, and fed the ducks and big fish in the lake. It's been hard to relax on our vacations. I don't know if it's all the years of thinking vacations were supposed to be a certain way, or that you'd only get to visit a place once and you should make the most of it, but I get very high strung when we take a trip. Turns out you give the girl a liquid lunch and she becomes the queen of chill.
Our dinner was at the Dixie Stampede, which, for those who have not had the, um, pleasure, is a country western dinner show involving horses, Civil War era costumes, and worst of all, audience participation. As a northerner, I can never understand the love
of Civil War history held by southerners, my husband included. It's a thing of beauty, the South and their love of a war they lost. In the north, we won it and forgot about it.
We found our seats, hard benches at a long table with several other guests. The food was good and basic, eaten all with your hands. As a lady, that went against everything I stand for, and I tried to eat a whole chicken as demurely as possible. The show was unbelievably cheesy, and they split the audience into north and south, holding a competition between the sides. Ironically, the south won this rendition of the war tonight. I spent more time laughing at the utter silliness of the entire event and holding my head in my hands, embarrassed by the people whose sincere participation was cheesier than the show. If you ever make it to Myrtle Beach, it's worth going to see the show, just for the over the top experience. It will give you a true understand for what this tourist area of South Carolina is really about. And their vegetable soup is surprisingly impressive.
After the insanity, we went back to
the hotel and played in the pool. I floated in circles around the lazy river, dipping my hands in the warm saltwater and staring at the few stars in the sky. There were drunken vacationers hollering from their balconies, and a guy playing the guitar a few floors above us. With the happy voices and the music, the sound of the ocean and the smell of the beach, it was the most beautiful moment of our vacation.
Today's lesson: Entertainment does not have to actually be good to be entertaining. Sometimes the secondary reaction is the true prize. Especially when it involves a man riding a broomstick horse with his wife, turning a corner, toppling her over, and proceeding to drag her through the dirt.
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