Columbia Can Be Charming

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Until I visited Columbia, I had no idea why South Carolina is called the Palmetto State. But it’s easy to understand the significance of that nickname while taking a stroll along any of the streets in the downtown area or on the campus of the University of South Carolina. Those palmetto trees are simply everywhere. And they add so much charm to the capital city. I wasn’t quite prepared for that charm, especially since I’ve been conditioned to hate the whole town for the past 2 decades.

If any of my readers know me in real life, they doubtless realize that I have visited Columbia several times before this year of pandemic. But what the pandemic has afforded me is new perspectives, as well as emptier streets and campuses to enjoy in quiet contemplation. For the most part. My main purpose for this trip was to see my Georgia Bulldogs play against the South Carolina Gamecocks on Saturday night, but since this was a holiday weekend, and I realized I had never actually spent any time seeing the city or even stepping foot on any recognizable part of the university campus, I decided that it was the perfect time to meander and enjoy what Columbia could offer its guests.

Since there are several distinct parts to this day, I’ll narrate the rest of the story in basically chronological order. But get ready for some local eats, an antebellum campus, a statue kid, and a few sandstorms.

I picked my buddy Jack up at his house before noon, and we arrived at our first stop for the day around 12:30—Pawley’s Front Porch . It’s in the Five Points area of Columbia, and all the reviews were good. But as we walked in, we hit our first snag. Not only were all the servers dressed in Gamecock apparel; the restaurant also had a broken hood on their stove, which meant no fried foods were being served while it was down. Bummer. We opted to stay, since we had parked and were pretty hungry. Plus, if it’s a local business, I’m willing to give them a little more slack, especially in these uncertain times.

At our table, the server let us know two extra pieces of info: the beer tap was also down, and burgers could only be served well-done. Well. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a burger that isn’t well done, so that’s no problem for me. The beer, however, was a downer for Jack, but we rectified it all later. All appetizers were fried, so those were all off the table. Same with most of the side dishes. I ordered a burger with bacon, surprised to find out that bacon actually WAS an option with all the kitchen issues. Jack got a salad, as well as some tortilla chips with queso. While we waited for our food, the proximity of our booth to the door made sure that we heard the unfortunate refrain every time a new customer walked in:

“Just to let you know, the hood on our stove is broken, so we can’t serve any fried foods today. Do you still want to be seated?”

To my knowledge, no one turned down the offer. Perhaps they should’ve done so, however. My burger was satisfactory, but eating a small bag of chips as a side wasn’t as glamorous as it sounds. Jack felt the same way about his salad. And as for his chips and queso, here’s Jack’s one-star review: “You remember that queso we had in Austin? Yeah, if that’s Alabama, then this queso is Vanderbilt.” It got the job done, but knowing that there was so much better out there made it seem rather unimpressive.

With our unexpectedly mediocre lunch behind us, we headed to the campus of USC, only a couple blocks away. I expected more mediocrity, frankly. We parked at the visitor center, and almost immediately we were taken in by the idyllic atmosphere of the shaded green spaces and antebellum buildings. We saw a sign proclaiming how this campus was voted one of the top 5 most beautiful campuses, or something like that, and we both scoffed. It was nice, and maybe our low expectations were the same as everyone else, thus leading to such a superlative assessment by those voters. All kidding aside, it was actually one of the nicest green spaces I’ve seen on a campus. We had stumbled upon the Horseshoe , the heart of the antebellum campus, though neither of us knew this at the time.

The University of South Carolina was founded in 1801 and developed over the next 60 years into much of the main campus that still exists today. The Horseshoe is so named because these antebellum buildings surround the open quad area on three sides, with the fourth side being open to one of the main roads in town. We meandered along the length of the Horseshoe, admiring the scraggly trees, covered in moss, and enjoying the views. I wonder how many students would be here on a cool autumn afternoon in normal times. In pandemic times, we saw only a handful, and none of them stayed. Once we got to the street, we took a left, where we saw a large theatre. To the left of that, our feet took us past a reflecting pool with views of the library on the other side. I saw a statue and decided we should find out which racist forefather of the university was being heralded.

To both our surprise, it was actually Richard Theodore Greener , the first African-American professor at the university (and also the first African-American to graduate from Harvard). I was prepared to eat a little crow for my rash assumptions, but then I noticed how pristine this statue was. I haven’t done my research, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say the statue is probably a year or two old, if that. Jack laughed when I proposed it has been installed about 2 months ago. We idled around the campus for a little while longer, seeing a large chimney with USC on the side, a small observatory, a statue of Cocky (the mascot of the university), and several other wonderfully gnarly trees. I’m sure it could be a decent place to lose one’s sense of time and place, amidst all those antebellum buildings and wonderful trees.

Our next stop was the South Carolina State House , the capitol building at the center of the city. We also lucked out in being able to see the magnificent fortress-like Trinity Episcopal Cathedral across the street. We parked there and explored the old cemetery before making our way to the State House. Graves dating back to at least the 1820s were plentiful in this cemetery, and it was hard to miss the ones marked with CSA—Confederate States of America—emblems at the base. The church itself had been built in its current form in the 1840s. When I think of the antebellum South, the campus and this church (along with all those moss-covered trees) are the positive things that my mind focuses upon. It’s easy to forget that so many of these buildings and streets were most likely constructed with free—slave—labor.

But we saw no monuments to those laborers. Around the State House were statues of white dudes on horseback—with the wicked sideburns and mustaches—and even George Washington at the base of the front steps of the State House. Off to the right, next to a stone saying that Sherman burned the original State House in 1865, is a rather unique monument to the South Carolinian soldiers killed in the Mexican-American War, dedicated in 1847.

In front of the State House stands a large Confederate pedestal with soldier atop it, but these days it is almost hidden by a decorated Christmas tree that dwarfs the revisionist statue. The plaza between the tree and the State House itself was full of small groups of passersby, mostly families doing the touristy thing or taking pictures. Also a gentleman had set up his keyboard and began singing Christmas songs while we walked around. We caught the line, “Make the yuletide gay…” and Jack couldn’t get it out of his ear. At the top of the steps, we found some fascist symbols—appropriate for South Carolina, sadly—and a boy around 9 years old who tried to make us believe he was a statue. He was standing in an open space with a pedestal, rounded behind it and up above, where a statue clearly had once been. I wonder which racist it used to be. And I wonder if that racist would be offended by this brown boy posing for his own amusement, only resting when he thought no one was watching. It was like the Weeping Angels of Doctor Who—one time when Jack’s back was turned, the boy took a break and was watching us. Until he caught my eye. Then he returned to his statue pose. Strange child. But you be you, kid.

After this, we headed to the stadium. The only other thing I considered seeing was the Confederate Museum, because that’s actually a thing . Instead, Jack thankfully suggested finding a place we could sit for a while, have some drinks, and watch some football. We still had over 4 hours before the game began, after all. That’s how we found our second eatery of the day: the River Rat Brewery .

That name entices zero amount of enthusiasm from me, but names aren’t everything. It was a much more enjoyable time than our previous eatery. First off, they had beer on tap. Thus the ‘brewery’ in their name. This made Jack happy. I’m not a beer drinker, so I opted for an Orange Dream popsicle from the King of Pops collection. When I ordered it, the lady at the window confirmed for me before proceeding: “You know the King of Pops is NON alcoholic, okay?” This was fine with me. I love the King of Pops. And since I would be driving again soon, I didn’t want to impair myself.

Before we even pulled into the parking lot, however, I thought we might be in for some trouble. The sign outside had “GO ‘COCKS!” in large letters, and the outdoor seating area was rife with the colors of the Gamecocks—garnet and black. “We’re totally gonna fit in here,” I murmured as we slowly entered the parking lot.

While Jack was ordering his beer on tap, the employees gave us a little good-natured fan banter, since both of us were wearing bright red, with clear Georgia G’s on our clothing. I offered a slight protestation, that our money was just as good as anyone’s. One of the young ladies in line gave us a more honest appraisal of their team’s prospects.


• “We’re gonna get our asses kicked, don’t worry.”
• “You think so? Pretty sure we heard the same thing last year, and it definitely didn’t turn out that way.”
• “Oh yeah, we’re hanging on by a thread this year. All the injuries and everything.”
• “Well I appreciate your honesty, and I hope you’re right!”
• “Yeah we’re just here for a good time.”


We were also in Columbia for a good time, but also for a little revenge after last year. While neither Jack nor I had attended the game against South Carolina in Athens in 2019 , it had shamed all Georgia fans everywhere. We were in the top 5, undefeated, expected to make it to the SEC Championship and then the Playoffs. But South Carolina, a team with a losing record and no hopes of going anywhere, came to town and absolutely crushed our aspirations. They won by 3 points in overtime, which was baffling to everyone watching; even to the South Carolina fans. That was our only loss in the regular season last year, and it most definitely kept us out of the playoffs. To say this was more than just a game for us was an understatement.

But back to the Brewery. We lingered there on the nicely heated outdoor deck for over an hour, enjoying the downtime and the panoply of football games on several large screens. But after a while, all the games were becoming blowouts, so they stopped being interesting. It was time to move on to Williams-Brice Stadium, home of the South Carolina Gamecocks football team. We parked about a block away from the brewery and then walked the rest of the way, less than a mile. The sun set not long after we parked, so by the time we got to the front of the stadium, it was all lit up. It reminded me of a treasure chest in a cartoon, with the wide upper deck and its pylons with lights at the top, radiating in the darkness. Jack said it looked like a giant insect on its back. In the daytime, that’s an apt comparison.

We had bought tickets for the lower-level seats for this game. It was our first time being this close to the action in this stadium. Both of us attended this matchup in Columbia three times before today, and always from the upper deck (and twice from the upper upper deck, if that makes sense). On our watch, South Carolina had won 2 of those 3 in this stadium, but the most recent game here was a Georgia win, back in 2018. All signs pointed to a Georgia victory this season, but we saw how that went in 2019. Thankfully, all the signs were correct this year.

We actually ended up seated on the far left side of the field, next to the tunnel where the Georgia team entered the field. And as luck would have it, our section had a good number of Georgia fans, too, despite this being the South Carolina side of the field. The stadium capacity is 80,000 people, but it’s limited to 20 percent due to Covid restrictions. Even further, seating was limited to blocks of 4, and each block comprised a set of 4 official seatbacks to make sure people were sitting in the correct places for social distancing. Those seatbacks, by the way, were soaked. Literally. Most of us learned this lesson ourselves when we quickly felt a wet derriere immediately upon sitting on the cushion. The plastic covering, unfortunately, hid the foam inside, which was a natural sponge. I tried to wring my seat out, pushing it from the front to the back, which was open, and every time I did it, a little waterfall exuded from the opening in the plastic. It was horrid.

Masks were also required for everyone at all times, but you couldn’t convince me that people were wearing them more than 10 percent of the time. Alas. This happened to be the final home game for South Carolina, so they recognized the seniors for football, the band, cheerleaders, etc., mostly before the game. South Carolina had just fired their head coach (remember when I told you that after the Ole Miss game 2 weeks ago?), so it must have been awkward for those senior football players to stand for individual pictures with a man who had only been their (interim) head coach for two weeks.

I have derided this team and its traditions at various points over my blog history, so I won’t go too much into all that. What you need to know, though, is that they love their white rally towels, which they spin around as they jump up and down to the song “

Comments

[Erica]

This led to a clickhole...
...In which I asked what happened to Darude and discovered that he used to live in a very modest neighborhood close to downtown Roswell, where all of the housing seems to be exactly what my mom is looking for.

[Will Abney]

Roswell lol
Well I hope that maybe my random blog post has been helpful in a completely unexpected way!