9/5/06 12:15 a.m. Rendezvous Motel

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Sitting here doing nothing but watching back to back marathon episodes of "The Closer" all day and icing my knee was making me stir crazy. After investigating and finding there is no walk-in clinic nearby, only an ER, it made no sense to wait another day. Even though I know I'm paying for the shuttles, Brenda has been very available to take me where I needed to go, WHEN I needed to go. She's a true southern character. Call the motel and she gruffly answers the phone. Talk with her and you find out what kind of huge heart she has. The Rendezvous is a great trail motel. You may not want to book your honeymoon there, but you definitely want to make it a trail stop. And Brenda is the main reason you must go there. I am so very grateful for her kindness and generous spirit.

So, I went off to the ER and was in and out of there in three hours. Shoot! In Phoenix, it takes 3 hours just to be seen in an ER! I already mentioned the diagnosis. They took x-rays and bloodwork (to check for signs of infection). I got a steroid shot, 800 mg. ibuprofen and Lorcet Plus. Guess they took my injury seriously. They gave me prescriptions for more of the ibuprofen and Lorcet and a 6 day prednisone pack. The triage nurse, Amy, has met hikers before. She even had one woman who was section hiking (a woman in her 70's) who promised her a photo when she reached Mt. Katahdin in Maine. 5 years later, Amy received that photo! Amy was so compassionate. It was at the hospital where I began to get teary with disappointment. Amy gave me Kleenex and even offered me a ride back to the motel at the end of her shift. My discharge ended up being much later than the end of her shift, but I was so touched by her generosity.

I picked up my prescriptions, some new underwear and deodorant, a book to read and a soda at Rite Aid. I ordered more dinner from the local Italian place that delivered. And then I had my meltdown. It was time to figure out the transportation from Pearisburg up to visit Ellen in PA. Finally, Mike took care of reserving a car rental from Roanoke to PA...faxing me the necessary information and documentation. If you need to rent a car, please make sure you have a credit card and not a debit card...or else carry your electric bill with you. Shoot! I was happy to have remembered my medical insurance card before I left Arizona!

Now it's very late and the malaise has settled in big time. Oh great! Side effect of the steroid shot is sleep disturbance! No wonder I'm still awake! Anyway, disappointment. Frustration of having to rely on the availability of people to help me, ie., lack of independence. The "what next" blues. Wanting to go home because visiting seems so hard while I feel so low. Fear about losing the good effects of my dieting and exercise now that my motivation is kaput. Having to be in society before my hair has grown back. Timing my visits to friends and family here on the east coast. The unknown about the reliability of my knees in the future and the desirability and physical ability of finishing the trail.

If I go back on the trail, I need it to be early spring for no spider webs and to see the spring flowers. It is so far to go and expensive to go when it could very well end up being for only a couple of days again. I need a vacation and this isn't very rewarding right this minute.

"It is what it is." Still, I should be allowed disappointment. It was no more a failure than when I couldn't have children. Eating doesn't solve anything, but it's what I want to do.

I told Ellen that I need to eat healthy when I get there and I need a good routine again. And I want to be healthy to enjoy doing the things I like to do....like hike. It just may not be backpacking. Even cats run out of 9 lives. How many second chances can there be? I need a village. More than ever.

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