Non-Alternative Amy is Escaping Camp Tomorrow!!

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Thanks for the Alternative Amy posts mum! Sorry I haven't wrote anything I've been stuck in camp and everyone is on the internet to sort out their travel plans!

The camp is full of 300 huge black guys in who are in colleges and 100 police cadet kids. It's been quite funny as the camp director didn't think this through too well - five rival soccer teams in a little camp in the middle of nowhere? It's absolute mayhem and the police have been called out a few times, they've been attacking each other with paintball guns and starting fights etc, and yesterday there was one guy on top of the roof of a building and below were about 20 guys in white masks, it's very strange! The advantage of this situation (other than the entertainment of watching this drama) is that being one of a dozen girls in camp there is a never-ending stream of alcohol that we are given (then escape to girls cabin).

The police cadet kids are great they're so polite and well-mannered they always say ma'am too! I wish that we'd had them all summer instead of these brats! Whenever one of our brats said please or thank you I actually gave them a hug I was so happy!!

Anyway I am surrounded by impatient people so must go, I'm sure mum will fill you in by the time I sort out my next update. I'm leaving camp tomorrow to stay in King of Prussia (giant shopping centre, and I'll just have been paid!) and then Miami in 2 days. It's really gay though there is a tropical storm Fay that will probably turn into a hurricane if the news aren't exagerrating - at least the beach will be peaceful! And if the airlines cancel the flights we're just going to ask them to send us anywhere else, see where we end up!

xxxxxxx

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Comments

[Alternative Amy]

Freedom!!!!
Authentic Amy has finally found the right site to update her post, which theoretically means I'm redundant, but, what the Hell. I'm the only one who logs on here, and I've got short term memory loss, so I can amuse myself by reading them! 300 Denzil's - Wow! The possibilities for entertainment could be infinate - however, if it turns out they are 300 Eddie Murphy's, the comic appeal would quickly wear off! As for 100 police academy cadets - I have extremely fond memories of the bloke with a voice like a corncrake with laryngitis. I wonder about the 'guy on a roof and 20 blokes in white masks' scenario - was the guy on the roof black or white, because that would make the situation not so entertaining if it was a black guy with 20 Ku Klux Klan blokes egging him on! Anyway, as Alternative Amy, KING OF PRUSSIA- wooee! Every major store in the States and MORE! Thank you Gawd for inventing sale '$ bins', and bargain racks! Now all my friends can get designer label gifts - I'm sure the canary yellow T shirt with red and orange paisley pattern trims and tartan bindings is just the very thing for one of my brothers, and the purple skinny cut jeans with rhinestones and silver spangles down the side seams are most definately Chad! There's a STUNNING multi tiered dress with each tier a contrasting colour and pattern, with fringing everywhere, that would suit Katriona - it's a size 18, but I'm sure Kat will love it so much, she'll adjust her body weight to fit (my bulk purchase of out of date oreos will surely help). I'm going to have so much fun spending my hard earned $37 buying gifts for my 168 friends and family - with careful budgeting, I should even have enough to buy myself those cute pink flip flops with luminous green feathers and purple birds of paradise so artfully arranged on them! I'm sure they'll cause a stir in one of the Cardiff nightclubs. Well, treasured Travel readers, until tomorrow!

[Alternative Amy]

Another day has passed in a Non-alcohol induced daze, and I still haven't quite made the Mall - suppose it's like winning the lottery! You know you've got the winning ticket on a saturday night, but you have to wait nearly a week before you get the actual £'s, so you fill in the time by 'anticipation and planning!' However, I have not been totally idle - I have been teaching our American friends REAL english. For the first few weeks, I kept telling all the locals my name is Amy, NOT Yol, coz everywhere i went, someone would say, "Howdy, Yol" or How Yol doin' there". (Almost as bad as Scotland, where everybody's called Jimmy!) Any way, lessons went down a treat, and now all the police cadets in particular, know to use the f*** word at least 4 times in every sentence, eg, What the f***'s going on - who f***ing called us in, and why the f*** are we f***ing here? and I'm f***ing first in the f***ing queue, so f***ing wait your f***ing turn! The same correction should apply to our EU friends when the first arrive in the UK - teach them how to talk like us, and they'll soon feel at home (getting attacked by everyone around them). That's all for now, as I think I have planned my spends well enough to buy all my gifts, my flip flops AND have 50 cents left over, and I sure as Hell ain't leaving this country will American currency unspent!

[Mullaman]

Im starting to wonder if the alternative Amy is having a more exciting adventure than the Actual one lol.

[Alternative Amy]

Hi, my well seasoned reader(s) - how sad that no one in the world is interested in my blog! The hours I've spent carefully selecting which of my adventures to write about - wasted on a plebian society that is only interested in the here and now pleasures of Clubbing, Boozing and Mating - there is in actual fact, very little change in our society over the last few millenia - Fred Flintstone is alive and thriving. The only slight change is in the clubbing - though nowadays the blokes DANCE their mates into submission, instead of literally hitting them over the head with the heavy truncheon! Here I am, in Marvelous Miami, lying on the sifted sand, iced marguerita in hand, and attentive hunks in trunks surrounding me, vying for my attention! This is the life, ne c'est pas? Oops - the hunks in trunks are undercover (uncovered) vice squad, and they've told me I have to leave the swimwear display in the Mall window, and move to the beach - how bloody rude are they! Don't they know the beach is full of Brits on holiday, and it's more like Costa Del Sol than Florida! However, they can wait til I finish my marguerita - SO much classier than a can of lager. I've already seen the seamier side of Miami - you wouldn't believe how grey and tatty Don Johnson's boxers are, and personally, I would never have hung them out to dry! What the hell does he think shower rails are for - and as everything in America is bigger, HE'D get more than 4 thongs and 2 pair of tights on his rail (or maybe not, seeing how enormous his underpants are). Oh, my - got to go - there's two HUGE blokes in suits and ties walking right towards me - I bet they're under the mistaken impression I'm someone famous, and they're going to ask me for my autograph! TTFN, Travelfans.

[Alternative Amy]

New Yoik. New Yoik!
I have exhausted my last reserves of US currency buying my many friends, and family, who have faithfully logged onto this blog, presents, so everyone who has read,and more importantly, contributed comments, will be well rewarded! What's New York like - well, the natives call it New Yoik, which I suppose can be roughly compared to our 'YUCK'! If you like mini marathons, this is the place to be, coz everyone seems to be rushing! Why is this? I expect it's due to if you stand around long enough, you get charged with vagrancy. Walk along at a leisurely pace and the beggars or leafleters catch up with you, therefore SPRINT. This also helps you to get to the latest sales venues in time too! The food here is wonderful - every second shop is a restaurant - if you can class McDonalds, Burger King, Pizza Hut, Subway and Wendy's as resaurants, that is. Of course, you do get your bon vivant eateries too - if you're happy to pay out $200 for 6 lettuce leaves, 2 cherry tomatoes, 3 slices of cucumber and a piece of 'macrobiotic' slime! Those kind of places tend to be full of customers who I swear are ALL Victoria Beckham and Pete Doherty clones i.e, drug addicts with healthy eating habits - I mean, why waste 150 of your daily allowance of calories on FOOD, when you can take the same amount intravenously! Naturally, as one of life's healthy eaters, I go for the 2900 calorie Happy Meals at McD's - a kiddy portion here would sustain an African village for a week! Only 2 of my precious days left to sample so many eating establishments - I'm going to have to cram it all in! That way, no matter what crap they fling at me on the plane home, I'll manage til I can get some decent British food inside me - MacDonald's, some pizza, chop suey, and that good old brit staple, a nice korma! See you all soon, amigos, mes ami, etc. This is likely to be my final blog.