What You Do in Between

---

"God gives you life and he'll take it away - what you do in between is your fault." This is what Philip - my wonderful Hispanic shuttle driver to Sante Fe - told me his grandfather said to him after a long, hard life of ranching in the hills.

Today was one of those days when I feel like I'm doing the right thing - that my life is going roughly towards the direction I want it to go, that I can take responsibility for my own happiness in the future. That there will be happiness. I can see writing residencies in New Mexico mountains and me as an older woman wearing outlandish jewellery and ponchos! I can see myself growing into the woman I've always wanted to be.

Santa Fe, as you can gather, gave me a beautiful, inspiring day - one of the finest. The scenery - sharp, snow-frilled mountains and undulating dry pale green grasslands - is utterly breathtaking and the town itself is so pretty, full of womanly apricot adobe buildings, art galleries and fine cottonwood trees (like something from an old Andrews Sisters' song!).

I spent the morning at the Georgia O'Keefe museum - the real reason I wanted to come here. The docent-led tour was so interesting and the pieces in the collection are delicious. I succumbed to some prints in the shop! I find O'Keefe herself as a woman artist, full of independent spirit and sensuality, such an exciting role model. I want to be a working artist until I'm 98 - and live with a young guy ( it was purely Platonic apparently ...). What a gal!

Whenever I've had reason to wish for a "real" career and tons of money lately, I have to hold onto the riches of this creative life I have which people, thankfully, seem to find so intriguing. I get to do this, I said to myself, several times today. I get to do this.

After a huge and cheap Mexican lunch at Tia Sophia's, I went on a walking tour with an elderly actress called Marilyn and another couple, wandering into lovely courtyards and hearing startling historical stories. I even sat in the NM senate - it seems to be getting a habit! I'm such a politico these days!

Later, Philip drove me home along with another woman called Narda, an illustrator. We had such a wonderful conversation about travel, creativity and life that Narda and I had dinner at the airport together - and she kindly paid! All three of us have threatened to stay in touch by e-mail which is nice. I have found a lot of friends these past few days!

I definitely want to return here and explore more. NM has entered me somehow. O'Keefe apparently bought a house which was falling down with trees through the roof purely because she liked the door! That's the way I react to the world - through impulse and instinct. I trust that part of me. Sometimes I act erroneously, but I always try to act from some deeper place of love rather not fear. It's tough as boots though! ( And, God, I want some cowboy boots!!)

Another shuttle driver to the airport today - journey on which I was accompanied by a NYC jazz musician who actually used the words "cats" and "out of sight"!) - also had some wisdom to declare. He said in NM people don't panic, get excited or hurry. A fantastic philosophy, in my ever so 'umble opinion. Philip was telling me I'm brave to travel alone - but maybe it's giving me bravery. Each day I have to begin again. Each day, my happiness is all my fault.

---

Comments

[Carolyn]

Writing residencies!
...Hang on to that thought and pack me in your suitcase next time - growing older (and wiser) in a wonderfully artistic way in the mountains of NM is my lifeplan too! Okay, so you like solo travel; we can inhabit separate mountains. I have a cunning scheme to escape much of the British winters! You can tell this trip is a tonic for you, your journal writing shines with beauty and wisdom. Go Girl! xxx