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Published: July 19th 2009
Golden Nugget
Generalissimo and Juan Rambo take a brief reprieve in the air conditioned walkway of the old strip. July 17th
While we waited for the dish sink our last morning at the Grand Canyon after a crazy-gourmet veggie-egg-hash brown scramble, Adam from Pearland overheard our plans to head to Las Vegas that day. He and his posse had stopped in Vegas prior to the Grand Canyon. In Vegas, Adam and Co. asked themselves why they were fighting and grumpy and it wasn't until they reached the Ponderosa shade of their Grand Canyon campsite that they breathed a sigh of contentment and peace.
Our Las Vegas hotel, Main Street Station Hotel, Brewery and Casino was not a bad deal, except Yunkyard was definitely going to need a kennel. No way even Juan Rambo could sneak a dog into a casino and upstairs to the room even if we had the right-sized suitcase.
Jenny Karankawa put on sparkly eyeliner for walking around the sparkly old Las Vegas Strip and even Generalissimo spruced up a bit. After a few minutes exploring and enjoying the OUTDOOR a/c (brilliant!), we picked up tickets for V some kind of ultimate variety show, old Las Vegas style, they said.
The show sounded like a great idea see, but actually finding the location turned out to be tricky and a few too many hot blocks were walked. Even the rough trails at the Grand Canyon seemed simpler than this Las Vegas trek. The constant slap, slap of the girlie flyers being handed out by immigrant families of uncles, grandmothers, cousins, fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers accosted tourists at every step. Vegas was full of gamblers, thrill-seekers, bachelorette parties and weirdly...families. Stroller wheels rolled across pornographic pamphlets while kids gazed up in awe at the pirate ship show and the exploding volcano.
Entering pretty much any building in Las Vegas requires that you make your way through a casino first. Generalissimo, a.k.a. nerdy asthmatic girl, clutched her inhaler for dear life as Karankawa stopped for box office directions at the help kiosk in Planet Hollywood, then again from the mall kiosk guy, and finally, the third mall kiosk guy who saved our faith in humanity's ability to care enough to give accurate directions. It seemed to us that people in Las Vegas would tell you anything to get you walking into their casino or just out of their hair. This often involved saying yes to any question asked, whether true or not, and making up directions instead of admitting that they had no idea.
The highlights of V, the variety show, were the fake Argentine gaucho hosts, the double jointed hula-hoop girl, the manbats (short for man acrobats), and the pancake show (dorky backpack man juggling knives and pancakes).
After the show, Generalissimo went searching for a bathroom not inside a casino, an epic task. On her way a handsome bald European man in a lavender button down shirt stopped her in her tracks to ask her where she was from. Then, he pulled open a huge drawer of curling and flat irons asking, "Do you prefer to curl or straighten your hair? What is your favorite hair styling regime?"
Generalissimo really had to get to the ladies room, so she just answered as straight forwardly as possible.
"My favorite way to style my hair is to shower and stick my head out the car window. That's what I did this morning." Folks, Generalissimo's hair looked GOOD, I mean she was having a great hair day and that was exactly how she had styled it that day at the Grand Canyon after a much needed camp shower. (Thank you John Chao of Cutloose!)
The man looked at her awesome hair, closed his drawer sadly and said, "That is good, too," in a disappointed French accent.
Just a disclaimer folks, we might have a biased attitude toward Las Vegas. Karankawa and Generalissimo didn't care to gamble since they had more travel expenses to look forward to. If we were gamblers, then Las Vegas might have tugged our kitschy heartstrings a bit harder. Besides, think about it, the Grand Canyon or Las Vegas? And no one fed Generalissimo before the show and you all who know her, just picture her as quite grouchy during this episode of the trip and shaky after 7 puffs on her inhaler due to the cigarette smoke. Luckily, the casino mac and cheese put her in a food coma and the beds were soft at the hotel. Juan Rambo enjoyed a night of cards, and Karankawa and Generalissimo enjoyed some Z's.
Foreshadowing, people, that's what Adam from Pearland was. Leaving Las Vegas never felt so good.
Juan Rambo's quote of the day: "Is that the real Golden Nugget? I thought it was a fake."
Karankawa's quote of the day: "I think we got these seats because I was a b@$*% to the hostess."
Generalissimo's quote of the day: see hair styling comment above
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chi-chi
non-member comment
not so much fear but loathing LasVegas
I can appreciate your take on Las Vegas. But gambling is not my thing either. Glad you made your way to San Francisco!