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March 18th 2006
Published: March 22nd 2006
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Beautiful flowers - Downtown Disney.
Hey everyone! It has been a while since my last blog. It was too sad to write as I found ourselves trekking back toward COLD Rhode Island. I mean, who would want to leave sunny and 70's during the winter? 😊 The cool thing was/is Ape and I are heading BACK to Florida tomorrow, March 19th for another 2 weeks of fun in the sun. I swear it feels like we are early retirees or at the very least, snowbirds. Well, if THIS is how they live year-round -- SIGN ME UP! I just can't get enough of the beaches down there and their over all lifestyle -- especially Key West. You feel like you are part of a club when you are in Key West. There is always something going on and the vibe is so eclectic, crazy and exciting! We are so into that laid-back beach lifestyle. There is just something about gazing at that turquoise water that just calms the soul and makes you breath deep.

I have this great postcard of Jimmy Buffett sitting on the beach with his seaplane parked in the ocean. He is sitting Indian style with his laptop on his lap --
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April, allergic to those beautiful flowers??
working. Ahh...now that is what I call an office. Thanks to wireless systems this is a possible reality (and one I hope to someday have).

ANYWAY, the last time I wrote I mentioned our trip to (the gorgeous) Siesta Key Beach, John's Pass Village, April's fall in Margaritaville and the fact that I ate my millionth slice of key lime pie. Nothing too exciting happened after that, not that the other stuff WAS exciting, well, except for April sledding in Margaritaville. However, wouldn't you know it, this blog starts off with April being somewhat "peeved" with possibly the nicest person in North America . Someone who has only been an American citizen for 17 years. Worried? Confused? Allow me to explain....

It all started at, where else, lunch! We had the urge (for some strange reason) to eat at Rainforest Cafe. Maybe I wished I was in a Rainforest and Ape wished she was at a cafe....hmmm? Anyway, we decided to go to the one located at Downtown Disney. Did we stick out? YES. But enough about our boosoms. No, really....It felt like the entire restaurant was over taken by "Disney moms" and their families. You know the
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Dowtown Disney Watersports
type person I am talking about? Yes, I know WE too were at Disney, BUT....these "Disney moms" are VERY scary and I feel there WILL be a documentary about this some day. Just remember, it was my idea first! They are the moms that wear the Mickey ears and let the kids push THEM in a stroller. The moms that make dinner reservations 3 years in advance at Cinderella's Castle. The moms that call every travel agent that list Disney on their web site and STILL end up booking on their own once they find something .1 less. The moms that roll their eyes at their children when they chicken out to ride Dumbo or make their husbands/significant others wear that stupid Mickey pin. Yes, they are the DISNEY MOM'S. They were EVERYWHERE the Saturday Ape and I were there. They seemed to mutate. There were more Disney moms than kids! Maybe these Disney moms end up Disney divorcees?? Anyway....Ape and I were doing obscene things with the stuffed animals (but of course) and taking photos of things we really didn't care about (my snap finger has a mind of its own) -- basically goofing off as only a 29
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Picture I didn't really want to take but couldn't help myself because I am a photoholic.
year old and 32 can do in a restaurant loaded with children and Disney moms. I am getting off the point. Actually, I forgot the point. What is the point of this blog? OH YEAH....April dissing the nicest man on the face of the earth....lol.

OK, so we are seated, and OF COURSE out of all the seats in this HUGE ASS restaurant we were seated RIGHT NEXT TO the fish tank. Those close to me know I have a fish phobia. As if God wasn't satisfied with my list of other quirks/phobias...I have to be phobic of fish. Say that out loud -- Desiree is phobic of fish. Nice. But I being the tough Italian I am (stop laughing) said, "no this seat is fine" as April shot me that IS THIS OK look! The entire time I was there I didn't turn my head left. I looked straight (well, I am sure I MYSELF didn't "look" straight) or right. There was a fish in the tank the size of my thigh that apparently had the hearts for me (what can I say, I guess I attract fish....). Ape was VERY amused as she pointed this out every
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This cute lion stuffed animal reminded me of Mitzy, one of our cats. Awww...we missed the Mitz.
five seconds...."Des, I think he's looking at you," or "Des, he's making fish eyes at you..." I ask, why did she assume it was a he? I didn't look close enough, or at all for that matter, but I do wonder. See, my whole FOF (fear of fish) started when I was a young girl. My brother had an aquarium and the fish would jump out and commit suicide almost daily. I would come home from school to see another "case" on the floor. This traumatized me. What REALLY traumatized me was when a fish was missing and we couldn't find it!!!! I would look at my dog, Frosty, with big eyes and say GROSS (and an assortment of other things I am sure)! I think I may have even written a song when I was 12 called FISH OUT OF WATER. Actually, I know I did. I can't share the lyrics with you here because I fear I would be thrown off this site. Let's leave it at that. Let's keep the FISH OUT OF WATER lyrics locked up and forever a mystery. A'hem. Anyway, I started thinking I would find one on my bed. I had no desire
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Not sure why I did this....not sure at all.
to sleep with the fishes, thank you very much! And they were SO ugly. Sorry fish lovers, but they were. THOSE MOUTHS! THOSE EYES! I am getting the SKEEVES just typing this.....ugh. So yes, everything about fish grosses me out. I don't think I'll ever be able to scuba dive or snorkel because of this. Seriously. It is a sad, sad thing...especially since I love the ocean and beach so much. At least there is boating, swimming and soaking up the sun.

With my neck cramping I had a bulls eye view of the table to my right. There sat a Disney mom and her clan. Two little girls that weren't twins, yet were made to LOOK like twins, sat frowned face and scribbled on their free coloring books. The Disney dad was on his second bottle of beer. The grandparents were playing footsy under the table (seriously) and the Disney mom, woah....the Disney mom was glaring. Yes, Diiiisneeeeey mom was glariiiiiiiiiiiiiiing. If she had a conductor stick (is that what they are called?) she would've stood up and conducted them to all put smiles on their face and be filled with pixie dust. She took photo after photo
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April on the phone with da mammas. Notice the large fish tank. That is all I am saying. Remember, FOF (Fear of Fish)!!
of her two, non-smiling children and then said something in a Southern drawl like, "KATHY, MY WORD, CAN'T YOU SMILE FOR ONE DAMN PICTURE CHILD?" That's the Disney attitude! The girl had to be like 5 years old. My heart broke. I truly felt bad for those kids....and the husband that seemed so "gone" or wasted -- the grandparents were doing just fine....maybe a little TOO fine if you catch my drift? A'hem. Maybe I should've looked at the fish? Ape sat in front of me and was still talking about my chance of infidelity with the fish when this little man, early 40's, reddish hair and mustache....flew over on a vine (I think) to our table. He practically tap danced as he said hello and then realized we were two adults and not "very large" children. He tried to play it cool for a while and did the whole robotic "are you on vacation" speech. He told us his life story, how he was from London and moved her 17 years ago and so on and so forth. I could notice by the expression on April's face that she was getting a bit annoyed with this jolly chap. This
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Disney mom and family. Lord help them.
is very odd because April is always so down to earth, quiet and pleasant. But he was rubbing her the wrong way. He was ruffling her feathers. He was watering down her margarita. Cooling off her dinner. Pulling that one hair from her head and I could see it. I almost started laughing in this poor guys face (I have a tendency of getting the giggles at the WORST times), but I managed to order, as did April who was one step away from body slamming this Brit. When the guy rode his elephant away, I looked at April and asked her what was the matter? She said a smirky "I don't Know"....and then bunched her lips up and did that..."hmmm" 1/2 laugh thing. Like she is up to no good. She said he just rubbed her the wrong way. I laughed because this guy was truly a NICE guy. If viagara was a person it would've been this guy. Happy. Happy. Happy.

The waiter, we'll call him Sir JoJo for lack of memory, came back to our table with our drinks and asked if we'd like our picture taken together. April shot him a I DON'T KNOW WHY
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Another one of those pictures I didn't really need or want to take but came out nice nonetheless things...huh?
I FEEL LIKE KICKING YOUR BRIT ASS SO BACK OFF LOOK and I thanked him and said maybe next time. I don't know if April was doing this to make me laugh but it was 100% out of character for her. She had it in for this little man and I was worried. I tried to explain to her that there was no reason for such hostility, but she just licked her lips (in slow motion no less), flipped back her hair and grunted. I almost choked from laughing. Sir Jojo delivered our food in a haste manor, with a slight twitch in his mustache and backed away. Until this very day I don't know what it was about Sir JoJo that upset April. It will always be one of life's little mysteries. Just like I will never know why Disney moms are the way they are or why big ass fish find me appealing. Hmm?

After we walked around Downtown Disney we both felt a little "tired" of the Orlando area. We were here in May and have been to all the theme parks dozens of times. We were burnt out with the whole Disney/Universal thing. We wished
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Leaving Florida -- we have to stock up on our goods!
we were on a beach somewhere. Destin? Key West? Siesta Key? That is more our speed these days. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE theme parks -- but I need a break. You appreciate it more when you are away from it for at least a year or so. However, we NEVER tire of the resorts at Universal Orlando. Their onsite resorts, Portofino Bay, Royal Pacific Resort and Hard Rock Hotel are BEAUTIFUL and vacations in themselves. I know for this trip to Orlando the REAL draw was the Portofino Bay. We decided that night to drive home the next day, Sunday. We were going to head back on Monday, but felt it would be nice to drive home at a more leisure pace.

The ride home was pretty uneventful, EXCEPT for our run in with Motorcycle Week at Daytona Beach. Woah. Woah. This is another inside joke Ape and I have. I always tease April that she secretly harbors a desire to be a Harley mamma. This is so opposite April --- it is funny. So for quite some time I, and the rest of the family, joke with her about anything that has to do with motorcycles.
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This lady was stocking up on stuff too....and I am sure it wasn't oranges! Welcome to Daytona Bike Week 2006!
April eats it up. She denies it (but of course) -- but I know she secretly gets a kick out it. Anyway, we made a stop at one of those tacky, yet fun Florida fruit stands right before Daytona Beach and was surrounded by motorcyclists! They were having a rip roaring good time. See you have to use words like RIP ROARING when describing motorcycle week. Speaking of rip roaring....I don't think April and I will ever hear normal after that rip roaring noise! LOL! I had seen stuff about motorcycle weeks on TV but to actually be in the center of one was insanely FUN!!! All the biker men with beer belly's and beards were parading around on their bikes with big smiles on their face. Their women (one again, you have to use that terminology when discussing motorcycle week) had their arms (or some body part) wrapped around "their men", beer in hand(s)? and were yelling or yodeling...I think one lady was shaving?? We saw one lady, 1/2 naked, waving a sign off the highway for one thing or another (sorry, I was too stunned by the lack of clothes, sunburn and cowboy hat to make out the
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Ape has vowed to stop here next year! Woo-Hoo! Or rather...VROOM! VROOM!
sign). Other ladies were wearing shorts that wouldn't fit an infant. I got more ass -- SHOTS -- a' hem....in one day than my entire life. I felt so gay snapping these girls pictures. Oh wait, I am. But I wasn't doing it because their rumps were sticking out....seriously.......I was doing it because it was FUNNY and cool at the same time. I love stuff like this. I would've loved to mingle with these people. I know they would've taken April under their wings and shown her the beauty of their hogs. They would've probably mistaken me for one of their sons. Oh well. Maybe next year?

OH and one more thing before I end this blog. If you find yourself on I-95 north (or south) and pass a sign for "Historic Saint Mary's Village" in Georgia -- please don't take it. I think they mean "PRE-Historic Saint Mary's Village"! Ape and I took a 30 minute diversion off the highway to check out this "quaint waterfront village". Um....err.....we found the waterfront....but the village consisted of two oak trees, a very scary looking Mardi Gras bar/restaurant and some other unidentifiable buildings. I felt scared in Saint Mary's. Scared I
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This lady loves a bargain!
tell you!

Anyway, only God knows what is in store for us during the next two weeks. We hope to head back down to Key West with stops in Hollywood Beach, Fort Lauderdale and Miami. I really would like to go to Parrot Jungle and see the roller skating cockatoo. If I'm lucky!!

Until next time....

Happy Travels!
Des



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Let the sun shine in! YIKES!
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Ummm???
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One of life's important questions!
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Beautiful scenery - Georgia.
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Beautiful scenery - Georgia.


20th May 2006

kewl pics
i'm going to florida myself in a few weeks for my first ALONE vacation. can you suggest any incredibly cheap places to stay? i don't require much as it will be just me. i just wanna have fun, and unwind. i have a friend who lives in west jacksonville, [she left wilmington, ohio, where i live now, to move there about 3 months ago], so she hasn't really gotten a chance to get familiar with any tourist attractions. it looks like you guys had a blast. Angel

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