Miami: Beach, Basketball and Ballistics

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Three hours of immigration, customs and bag scans and we had finally made it through to the arrivals hall of Fort Lauderdale airport. Unlike most of the South American cities we had visited this was not going to be a two pound private cab journey but instead a £15 (each) shared mini bus to reach our hotel located on Miami beach. After the long debacle at the airport it was about 10pm by the time we had arrived at our hotel. Starving hungry, we nipped across the road and grabbed some true American grub; a greasy Pizza Hut. Feeling like we were about to burst, we rolled back over the road to the hotel and collapsed on our super king sized bed, in our plush air conditioned room complete with a view over Miami beach...oh how we felt so far from South America already.

The next morning after enjoying a buffet breakfast we hopped on a bus and headed down to the world famous south beach. Whilst strolling around the iconic Art Deco area admiring the multicoloured, curvaceous buildings and numerous classic cars parked outside for show, it wasn't long before Gem found herself lured back to Av. Collins where all the designer shops are. Having spotted Ray Ban and Levi's stores within seconds, it didn't take long before Rich was handing over the cash and Gem was walking out with a big grin on her face!

With bags in hand, it was now time for Rich's treat of the day. We hailed the first cab we saw and headed over to 'Lock 'n' Load'; a gun range specialising in machine guns. Upon arriving we were greeted by a couple of the workers who were both strapped with hand guns, who advised on the various different packages available. After deciding on the most economical package, it was time for a quick briefing, to put on our ear defenders and glasses and head into the range. It wasn't long after stepping into the range that we heard and felt what can only be described as an almighty explosion being produced by the high powered rifles of someone else firing in the range. Whilst being briefed again we were both jumping every time another bang went off. Each and every shot fired we could feel reverberating through our bodies and made us jump...much to the amusement of our instructor. Before we knew it, Rich had his first machine gun in hand and was ready to fire. The instructors hand was placed firmly just behind his back incase the recoil knocked him flying. Bullet by bullet he began to fire in semi-automatic mode before switching into fully-automatic and firing the rest of the bullets in a few short seconds. The immense power was incredible but this was only the beginning; the big guns were still to come. The second gun was a high powered rifle which made the first gun feel like a water pistol; Gem was wincing at every shot fired. Rich once again fired another 20 rounds emptying the magazine, whilst doing his best Tony Montana (Scarface) impersonation. Last but not least was a fully automatic machine gun which had the capability to fire up to 1600 rounds per minute. Safe to say 20 rounds didn't last long! All shots fired, it was then time to pull forward the target and see the results...as you can imagine the bullets were flying everywhere.

Although incredibly impressive pieces of kit, the thought of people legally owning these in the US and even worse firing them at each other is a pretty scary thought. With target in hand and a few souvenir bullet casings, we caught another taxi back to the hotel to get ready for an evening meal out.

Having read about a famous restaurant called Joe's Stone Crab, we thought "what the hell", and decided to blow the budget and go for dinner there. Once we had got dressed, we caught a bus (to save a few dollars where we could) down to South Beach. Instead of going straight to the restaurant, we had a walk along the bustling beach front restaurants and bars to see what was going on. With last orders at the restaurant being 11pm we decided to go for a few drinks in a bar. At about 9:45pm we took a slow stroll down to the restaurant. After a getting a few whiffs of the fresh seafood wafting out of the restaurant, we walked in and asked for a table, only to be told that the restaurant had closed five minutes ago! Gutted beyond belief as this was the only night we had free, we walked away, sulked for a little while then went to the very next restaurant we found. Luckily, the next restaurant was really nice, we had a great meal and bottle of wine, before making our way back to the hotel. A little disappointed but still having had a good night, we went to bed.

With no alarm set and no rush that morning, we pottered around the hotel getting ready and having breakfast. Instead of heading out around town, we went for a swim in the sea and floated around the hotel swimming pool on a couple of lilos...having the odd lilo wresting match of course!

3pm, and it was time to shower off the sand, get dressed and prepare our voices for some 'wooing' and 'hooing' at the main event of our mini Miami break. We were off to see the Miami Heat v Brooklyn Nets basket ball match at the American Airlines arena. To get to the arena, we had to catch a bus from outside the our hotel followed by an overhead metro for a few stops. Once again, despite thinking we had left ourselves loads of time, it once again became a bit of rush against the clock to grab a bite to eat in the nearby shopping mall before making our way in, attempting to buy a beer and find our seats. Forgetting the ludicrous alcohol rules in the US, we forgot to bring any ID, and after waiting in line for 10 minutes we got to the front, ordered two beers and were then asked by a fat, dim-witted lady "can I see your ID please sir", after stating that Rich is 26 years old she replied "no ID, no beer". At this point we soon realised we weren't going to be getting anywhere with her and we took our seats. And what amazing seats they were! Located only 9 rows back from the court, we had a great view of the action. Having sat down and seen all the people around us with beers, Rich decided to go and give it another go. Whilst he was waiting in the queue, a guy walked buy with a huge bucket of beers screaming "cold beers, no queue". So Rich turned around and quickly asked for two cans of Heineken. The guy responded by saying "$28 please sir", "excuse me?!", Rich replied thinking he surely must have miss heard the gentleman. "$28 please sir"' he uttered again in his slightly ghetto like American accent. Despite feeling like he was being publicly abused, Rich handed over the $28 and proudly made his way back to the seats looking like the cat who got the cream.

The lights go down, the Music begins to blare, the flames start to explode and the show begins. If any of you have been to an American sporting event before, you will be fully aware of what I am talking about. This is not a sporting event, but instead more of a spectacular show. After enough drama and fanfare to excite even the most demure, the game eventually begins...well kinda. It's not long before the first of many time outs and intervals are called, the girls come running on courts doing their 'thang' and shaking their booties all over the place; Gems hands are firmly covering Rich's eyes at these points. Despite it all seeming a little outrageous and over the top (which it was), after a while you begin to settle into the whole show and start to even participate. Before we knew it Gem as chanting "let's got heat, let's go heat", to the rhythm on the beating music.

Finishing 89-88 to the Brooklyn Nets in spectacularly exciting fashion, the home side and fans were not impressed. However, we didn't care and simply had a brilliant night out.

The following morning we were up early in preparation to make our way back to the airport to catch a flight to Mexico. Once we had arrived at the airport, we were asked to check-in at one of the computers. Rich scanned his passport, entered the confirmation number to which the computer returned with a statement saying "you are 2,000 hours (or a number around that) early for your check in. Bemused by the statement in front of him, Rich double checked the time and date of departure on the booking confirmation. To his despair, it was only then he noticed that instead of booking the intended flight of 9th April, he had in fact booked the flight for the 9th of May!!! Not sure whether to laugh of cry and with dreaded thoughts of being stuck in the airport for the next 24 hours at least, we quickly spoke to one of the airline workers who assisted us. $220 dollars later, we were back on track. Luckily there were still spaces on the flight and we were soon on board.

It was a short but very sweet, couple of days back in western civilisation, albeit a slightly expensive one.

From shopping, guns and basketball, to whale sharks (we hope) and tropical islands, we were heading back to the Caribbean. Next stop...Belize.

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Photos

Tony Montana
Aka Richard Wetton from London