There's A Monster Under My Bed

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I suppose it's an inevitable phase in the emotional spectrum one goes through when tackling an around the world trip, but I actually felt....trepidation, anxiousness, worry this week. I could feel myself taking mental steps backward away from this journey, putting my hands up to ward it off as if it was the enemy.

I know my life right now. I know how to navigate the city. I know that I can get into my car and go where ever I want to, including straight to Boulder for this amazing black bean burger you can only get there. I know that I can call up a friend and go do something fun. I have a kitchen I've spent years stocking so that I can craft whatever culinary creation my heart desires. I have a REALLY comfortable bed. I will not have the Balinese or Italian or Thai version of my current life overseas. It will be completely different.

I just returned from a birthday visit with family and friends in Texas and my thoughts quickly turned to the difficulties of navigating travel when you don't understand the language. How will I read the Vietnamese sign that says Taxi Stand This Way or comprehend the Indian woman on the intercom at the airport terminal explaining a last minute gate change? And then my throughts swiftly turned to how difficult it will be to eat healthy if I can't eat the fresh fruit and vegetables at most of the locations for which I'm destined. And then my thoughts turned rather shamefully to consider the idea that I might not be adventuresome and open enough to let this trip truly change my life.

Certainly not pretty thoughts, but they are honest. The good thing is that I know the heart of where these concerns come from and it's not because I don't want to travel around the world and shake up my life in the most significant way I could imagine. It's that old monster Change that I'm afraid of. I think as excited as I am about doing something so amazing, as humans most of us are a bit programmed to resist change and curl up in the comfort of what we know. This is true even if we don't like the comfort of what we know, as is the case with me. Well guess what, Change? I'm onto you and I'm taking you head on. You say my life will be completely different and I say...Thank Goodness! Finally! Bring it!

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