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The last few days of vacation are focused on getting the right tan for the wedding. And errands. Way too many errands. Wednesday: half hour drive, half hour waiting for the property management place to open so I can pay my bill. But they don’t take cash. Half hour drive back home. Don’t take cash. Right.
I head to the pool to relax. It is the middle of the week, about 90 degrees. The pools are usually really quiet in the afternoon, people are working and most of the seniors have gone home. I get to the pool and Mr. Dad of the Year is there. Yeah. And teaching his daughter to swim. So I settle into a lounger clear across the pool deck. It doesn’t matter where I go. He is so loud. In a singsong voice ‘paddle, paddle, paddle, kick, kick, kick, paddle, paddle, paddle, kick, kick, kick, paddle paddle, paddle, paddle paddle (getting faster and higher in pitch) paddle, paddle, paddle, paddle, paddle, paddle. YEAH!’ Now he turns her around. Repeat. For about half an hour. It is times like these that I could clearly see the benefits of drinking.
Finally he leaves. Now I am
alone again. Relaxing and tanning. Doing nothing. Then I decide to turn over and read. Except that in the bikini, if I sit up, there is a bit of a fold in my middle. So I have to keep the chair reclined. There is a perfect spot in which the fold is not visible. There is a lot to think about with this suit! The pressure is too much. Forget reading, I can just lie here and not move.
Thursday: I get up today at 6:30am to start my painting. Ed has painted the doors, and I’m doing the trim. I was way too tired yesterday, so I got up early today to wash the door frames and paint. At about 9:30am, naked Ed staggers out of the bedroom and gets a coffee. ‘What time did you make this?’ ‘At 6:30am when I got up’ ‘No wonder it sucks’. ‘What are you doing now?’ ‘Waiting for fresh coffee’.
Back to the pool. Ed drops me off. Just me and Mark! Drunk/high Mark from the weekend. But he’s sober. And chatty. He took his mom to her medical appointment and sent money to his son and daughter, and then
thought, I need a dip. So here he is. He does not remember me from drunk/high day, which is completely understandable, and I certainly am not going to bring it up! So we chat for a bit, then he heads home. ‘See you tomorrow hon!’. Yep, we are buddies now!
Dinner tonight is Cold Stone Creamery. Yes, it is a vacation!! I have to go to Lowe’s to look at fixtures, but the payoff is ice cream, so I’m glad to go. No exercise and 1000 calories of dairy for dinner. Vacation is the only time I would do this. Oh, and if Ed is out of town and no one else would know.
Friday: More painting. Then the pool. I’ve given up pretending that I’m actually helping Ed with the chores. 2pm and I’m at the pool and it is hot today. Mark’s here, and another couple. I go sit with Mark. Unfortunately he’s getting ready to leave. He’s going home to marinade some fancy chicken in his beef jerky machine. He’s been making beef jerky for about 20 years. Got himself a countertop beef jerky machine for only $300! Haha. I’ve never even tried beef jerky. I can tell I don’t like it just by looking at it. So he’s off ‘Have a good swim hon!’ Another couple comes to the pool and the senior crabbing starts. They have nothing to crab about, they have perfect lives, retired, hanging at the pool. They complain about everything. And they are floating around the pool. I’m lying here with my top undone. I’m totally a hussy. And now getting hot. Too hot. I want to go in the pool. So I tie up my top and roll over. I’m very sweaty. Even my belly is sweating. I figure I can wait them out. I don’t want to have to swim right by them, when a few minutes ago my top wasn’t done up. I need to reassess this tanning strategy. 20 minutes and one couple leaves. Whew, I’m in the pool! And then Ed comes for a swim! Perfect timing! He’s got a new thing, no PDA. Public displays of affection. No one knows what PDA means, certainly not me. And I’m not following his rules. I think he’s just kidding anyways.
Dinner tonight was Buffalo Wild Wings. We were at the mall so figured why not, it’s vacation. I order The Sampler. The great thing in California is that they must print the calories on everything. Menus included. I get the 2810 calorie Sampler (boy I hope KD is not reading this, I really should be embarrassed). Not like I ate the whole thing… Did I mention Ed called me a ‘tanker’ the other day?
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