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Published: August 23rd 2006
Henry
He was the only one who managed to get a crash helmet to fit.The Romans - what have they ever done for us? Not wanting to quote the famous “Life of Brian” sketch you have to admit they were way ahead of their time. They invented so many things we take for granted today. Invading other countries and having an Empire just because you can, central heating, political corruption, Ceasar Salads (with or without extra Anchovies) Toga parties, pizza and riding scooters without a crash helmet were all Roman ideas. Where would Russell Crowe’s career be without “Gladiator”? Where would George Michael’s be without public toilets? They even built a wall to keep the Scots out of England.
So, it should be of no surprise that Latin should have some memorable sayings that are as relevant today as they were in 10 A.D. Quad Erat Demonstradum. QED. Quite literally this translates into modern English as “Demonstrating Quad Bike Skills” and this is what you get.
As we had Suzie, Steve and Henry visiting, we took a trip out to “Big Red” for a bit of Quad Bike action and some off-roading in the desert. We’d all done a bit before, apart from Sherren, who took to it like a duck to chess,
Suzie
Red and pink? WTF? but after about 15 minutes of pressing the throttle, lurching forward and squealing she got the hang of it and took on a few of the steeper dunes. Somehow she interpreted “as soon as the front wheels drop over the edge, lean back and gun the engine” as “as soon as the front wheels drop over the edge, scream, lean forward and stop completely on a 60 degree slope”. I have independent witnesses that can testify as to how amazed they are that she stayed on.
Forty five minutes is about as much as you want on a quad in the desert, especially as the temperature in the sun was over 50 degrees - and not all of us were as well protected from the elements as Mike, with his fancy specialised desert quad biking gear - T-shirt, shorts and a pair of flip-flops.
After quick refreshment we headed on out further into the desert, we turned our backs on civilisation and headed off into the endlessly shifting, cruel sands in much the way T.E.Lawrence did, or at least he would have done if he had a couple of high powered, air conditioned 4-wheel drive vehicles and a
Steve
Steve struggling, pulling on a tight, sweaty helmet that a lot of other people have pulled on before - story of his life really. cool box full of cold drinks and sandwiches.
As in many extreme situations, fun and games can very quickly turn serious, a badly timed jump sent Mike’s Land Cruiser airborne, causing an ear piercing screech from co-driver Shez, and badly damaging one of the bungee chords holding down the cool box. As if that wasn’t bad enough. It soon became obvious that we were lost, or as Mike put it, “We’re not lost, I just don’t know where we are, or which direction we need to go in”.
We were down to our last half-dozen egg-salad croissants, three packets of biscuits, and final 12 litres of drinking water, so we had to start looking at our long term options. It made sense to eat the non-drivers first, and since Suzie pointed out that it would take a much bigger fire to cook her than it would Henry, I set off to get firewood, Steve gathered desert plants to make a nice marinade while Mike set up the barbeque and checked that the wine was chilled enough. It was at that point he found the GPS handset! This meant we could at least now find our way back to
Quad Bikers - EXTREME!
Get ready for this - eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh! where we didn’t know where we were, so we reluctantly took Henry off the spit and set forth into the barren sandscape.
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Kathryn
non-member comment
Lucky escape
Sounds like Henry had a lucky escape then! Just goes to show, never trust a man who has just pimped his ride.....even if he is your uncle!