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Published: August 23rd 2007
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Salik Tag
WARNING - MAY CAUSE EXTREME LEVELS OF RILEMENT! I've briefly mentioned the state of the traffic in Dubai a couple of times, it is horrendous on a global scale. It's up there with London, Rome and Athens except it seems worse in Dubai because there is no excuse. The likes of London are old, sprawling cities, grown from small settlements and organically expanded over the centuries with streets never designed to have hundreds and thousands of cars, trucks and buses clogging their narrow byways. Dubai on the other hand has had a clean slate to start with.
60 years ago while we we rectifying the modifications made to London by the Luftwaffe, Dubai had little more than creek-side village and miles of bugger all apart from sand. Now, as well from the world's tallest building and the world's mentalist housing estates they've jumped right in with weapons grade traffic jams. Who says you can't buy progress?
The Dubaians are obviously a fairly enterprising bunch. They've looked at 12 lanes of stationary vehicles along the Sheikh Zayed Road (SZR) and thought, "Mmm, that is a lot of cars, if only we could find some way to make them pay for the privilege of being stuck there for 3 hours every morning and evening?"
And lo, "Salik" was born. Salik is Arabic for "open" or "clear" and it is the name of the congestion charging system. You can go to
salik and see all the details. In fact, the little introduction video on the website shows jammed roads all in Dubai, whereas the clear roads are all filmed in Abu Dhabi.
The system works on a mixture of automatic licence plate recognition and a Radio Frequency Identification (RFID), which you have to buy and stick to the inside of your windscreen. There has been a massive radio, billboard, newspaper, internet - and I'm assuming TV - campaign telling everyone about it, including the 500 Dirham (70 quid) fine you get if you drive through one of the toll areas without one.
So, last Saturday as I was driving Steve, Suzie and Henry to Wild Wadi, I attempted to buy a Salik Tag, as I needed to go past the Mall of the Emirates, one of the toll zones. Well, technically that is not true, but the roads change so frequently in Dubai the junction you normally use may not be there the next time you want to use it.
There are Massive signs on the SZR telling you that you can get a Salik Tag in EVERY petrol station, so, at the first station in Dubai I pull in, take my registration card and 100 Dirhams and ask for a Salik Tag.
"We haven't got any, but you can get one at the next station."
OK
At the net station in I pull in, take my registration card and 100 Dirhams and ask for a Salik Tag.
"We haven't got any, but you can get one at the next station."
Right.
At the next station in I pull in, take my registration card and 100 Dirhams and ask for a Salik Tag.
"We haven't got any, but you can get one at the next station."
Great.
At the next station in I pull in, take my registration card and 100 Dirhams and ask for a Salik Tag.
"We haven't got any, but you can get one at the next station."
Flippin' idiots.
At the next and final station before the last interchange before the toll zone I pull in, take my registration card and 100 Dirhams and ask for a Salik Tag.
"We haven't got any, but you can get one at the next station."
"But the next station is inside the toll zone."
"I know sir."
"So now what?"
"Phone 800 SALIK - the Salik help line?"
OK, so I phone the "help" line.
Apart from the "press 2 for this" and "press 4" for that, I got cut off three times.
When I eventually get to talk to a person they very helpfully tell me that I can get a Salik Tag at every petrol station.
"But I'm at a petrol station, the one in sight of the toll zone in fact and they haven't got any."
"Yes they have sir."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"No sir."
"But I am at a petrol station with no Salik Tags, you are in a call centre in Ajman telling me that there are Salik Tags a plenty. That is not correct, an untruth, a falsehood, a prevarication if you like but either way what you are saying is of no help to me."
"I'm doing what I was trained to do sir."
By now I am starting to think I sound like a prick. "Can I speak to a manager?"
"The manager is not here on Saturday sir."
"Can I speak to a supervisor?"
"The supervisor is on another call. She's been on that call for half an hour."
"What? I can't believe there is someone else who is so annoyed that they need to be on the phone complaining for a half an hour."
"It might not be a complaint."
"What? Are you telling me that someone is so delighted with the abundance of Salik Tags, ease of purchase and helpful call centre staff they have written an epic poem extolling their joy over the whole Salik Tag experience. They have then phoned you and asked to speak to a supervisor so they can read this massive poem which is obviously taking more than half an hour to read out?"
"Maybe sir."
To cut a long story short, and after several phone calls over the next few days (one with the supervisor who confirmed that she was not listening to fan literature) I received a call from a manger at Salik who apologised and asked if I minded if they used the recording of my phone calls for training purposes.
So if you get emailed an audio clip clip titled "bloke complaining about Salik Tag - what a prick!!!!" you'll know who it is.
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