My thoughts in Tehran

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Dying to reach the shore

We Have To Lose Our Minds To Come To Our Senses

by: Steven Javaherian



Sometimes it feels like we have to lose our minds, to come to our senses. These thoughts are triggered in me today as I mourn the recent loss of a very dear friend. Her name was Mitra

She left us prematurely, and seemingly totally unfair. It angers me to admit to myself that life is unfair. But I know it is. Unless I am in denial.

I ask myself whether suffering has to be part of life; hence, deemed necessary and fair? I ask myself; Does the glory of birth justify the gloom of losing and death? I ask myself; Why love ––if losing hurt so much? No clear answer.

This is where I begin to lose my mind–– hoping it would bring me to my senses. Mitra was a good friend and a good mom too. Losing her has brought back into my heart the turbulence and the agony of losing my daughter, Andrea, a few years ago. As I did then, today I try to use my logic, allowing it to come to my rescue, for accepting that universally we are born to die. This pisses me off; to put bluntly. It makes me feel like I can never succeed in life, no matter how successful I become; I fail at the end. We all do. My only revelation and savior in this thought process, which leads me to sanity and guides me to accept that life is worth living, is the story of the Two Waves:

Once upon a time there were two waves rolling in the ocean following one another toward the shore. The wave in the front was very sad, she thought she would soon reach the shore and die as a wave. She would no longer be a wave! As she was weeping over the imminent loss of her life, and all other waves, the wave behind her noticed her cry and said to her "what is wrong buddy? I see you terrified." The front wave said; can’t you see? We are going to die soon, as soon as we hit the shore? We’ll no longer be waives.’ The wave behind realized her friend’s anguish and said to her; “Oh no, you would never die! You are not a wave. You are just part of the ocean.” We all are. Mitra is not dead, she is part of the ocean.

As my friend Roya Marouf said once in a beautiful poem:

“Think of her as if she is not dead.

Think of her like she is always in the other room,

or just somewhere else." Very much like you and I are somewhere else right now, you're there and I am here. Ultimately, we may part from one another, but we’ll never die as a whole. We are part of the ocean and the ocean part of Universe.

We have to lose our minds, to come to our senses.



This story holds me together and makes me feel positive about life.

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Comments

[michele]

I'm so sorry to hear about Mitra...love you and sending you warm thoughts.

[Wanderer of the earth]

Hi Michele,
Thank you sweetheart. I adore you and can't wait to see you soon.

[Masoud]

Please Accept My Condolences- Hope you gain, greater than your loss
It takes time to get over a loss, even if it is a pair of socks! loosing a friend is another matter. We are so much used to what we have (including friendships) that we never realize that if we don't keep ourselves busy with things and friends already around us, we would not have space, room, time, or opportunity to seek for new things and new friends. The wave story does not give me any consolation at the moment of loss, as I do not believe that we are part of anything important that would matter in general realm of things. If there is a tomorrow, making sure that it is going to be a happy and fulfilling day for me and for those who will be around me (including new experiences) is my motivation of living now. It is sad to loose a dear friend. However, since we are still living, we have a chance to acquaint ourselves with someone new, who could hopefully teach us new things which fulfill our lives and make us happier. Life will end at some point since nothing is permanent and everything is in a state of change and in random. But till then, what we can do is in abundance.

[Barry]

Hi Hamid
Hi Hamid jaan. I just read your blog on Mitra. Sorry to hear that. My deepest condolences. I hope you are well and doing fine, and enjoying every moment. Please drop a line when you find some time, and let me know when you are coming back. Take good care of yourself. Love, -bahram