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Published: December 1st 2009
Heading To England! (Cue God Save The Queen)
I'm really late with this blog aren't I? 😊
The trip to Inverness was done and dusted, and we headed for the local hostel owned by the same people that own the Cowgate in Edinburgh. We found out at the last minute that there wasn’t actually any four bed dorms for the three of us (including Torben) to stay in. The silly punter running reception was all over the place, almost certainly hopped up on speed all afternoon as he just couldn’t sit still, fidgetting and talking about the most inane crap you’ve ever heard. He was 18 years old max I reckon. So anyway we got stuck in this 8 bed dorm that smelled a fair bit like dirty socks, and was already full of other backpackers. This was the first time that our Danish friend had ever stayed in a dorm room OR a Hostel! What a rude introduction it was.
We got ourselves out of there quick smart and to the nearest pub for a quiet ale. The first pub we got to was a real locals pub, seething with unsavoury types and complete with a waitress
Our Bud Torben on the Train
Kyle of Lochalsh to Inverness By Train, Scotlandthat looked like she’d garrotte your grandma for tuppence. She turned out to be nice enough under the bouncer-like exterior, and allowed us to try a few of the premium “cask” ales that were being served. There was one from Skye, one called Director’s, and lastly a darker ale called Nessie’s. They all tasted pretty similar and partly warm, so we each had a different one and tried not to make eye contact whilst toasting our new Danish friend. Aleks then went off to find groceries while Torben and I did the responsible thing and found another pub, this time with several very friendly locals who introduced themselves, told us we were beautiful, and offered sandwiches that were out on the bar. The rest of the night consisted of us going back to the hostel, cooking dinner, and yakking away with a couple of young Aussie lasses called Jess & Addie.
That night was interesting: just as we were finally getting ourselves to bed at around midnight, there was an ear shattering wail and scream as the fire alarm system went off. Dead set, everyone had to cover their ears… It was like one of those robber-disabling frequencies that’s
Torben And Nemo... Washing Up!
Inverness Hostel, Inverness, Scotland supposed to put you on the floor… Luckily the very drunk and very stoned night manager (that was the spitting image of a 70’s jesus kinda guy) finally managed to turn it off. Folks smoking in the rooms apparently. I reckon it was probably him hitting the green stuff upstairs.
‘Twas a less than fitful sleep, but we rose early and Torben got on his way to do the Loch Ness thing as we ran off to catch our bus in the pouring rain. The bus trip to Edinburgh was uneventful, but the scenery was absolutely stunning. It was amazing to watch it slowly transform from a rolling barren landscape of hills-and-falls to the more green grass and autumn-yellow forests down the middle of the country. We arrived back in Edinburgh, checking back into Budget Backpackers again in a four bed dorm, did our own thing for a while and then got a reasonably early night.
The next day was just a bit of faffing about doing our own activities. I attempted to get out to Rosslyn Chapel by taking the 15 Bus the wrong way to Eastfield, when I should have been going the other way. By
Jekyll and Hyde Pub
Edinburgh, Scotland the time I turned around, caught a new bus, and got back to the centre, then realised that I had another hour to wait as I’d just missed another bus, I was over it. I decided to relegate myself to getting my own sim card for my shitty old Nokia so I could call Aleks, and then went for a walk around to the Vue Cinema. It took me several hours of deliberating as to which movie I would see, but I found myself a nice bar called Lloyd’s where the bourbons were only £1.29, and read my book. I finally saw “Up”, the new Disney Pixar movie, and it was absolutely sensational. After that I went home and met Aleks, who had been successfully wandering around doing not much, which was good. (EDIT: I did heaps! I went walking to the west end and checked out about 12 op-shops and went to Jekyll and Hyde for a beer and…stuff!).
We also had the good fortune of meeting a couple of Aussies who were the other half of the four bed dorm. Ela is half-Polish, and her other half is called Nick. See any similarities? It seriously got weirder
the longer we talked, the similarities piled up and up, and when we finally went to bed we didn’t go to sleep until about 1:30am. It was like one of those sleepovers you have when you’re a kid, and we covered everything from stupid American tourists to people farting in their sleep. They really are two of the coolest people we have met since we have been on tour, and all of us just clicked instantly. They’re about the same age as me or a bit older, and have been travelling around Europe for about the same amount of time. They gave us lots of travel tips and regaled us with stories, and we had a great laugh. We got their email addresses as they were heading off to Morocco the next day, so we will definitely keep in touch.
Tuesday the 27th of October saw our exit from Scotland - off on a 8-quid, 11am Megabus to Mother England! Holy bejeebers, we were going to Newcastle! The weather was far from optimal and so we checked out and caught our first Black Cab, the driver of which was a really nice guy and we had a great chat.
The fare was only 4 quid for a 10 minute journey, and we were glad we did it. I didn’t want to sit on the bus saturated the whole time. Poor little Aleks picked a great seat in the Emergency Row near the back, it was right near the toilet which smelled a lot like old people and pee; the geezers who got off the bus should have been on dialysis. That’s one thing I really won’t miss about Scotland, the fecking geezers. Christ they’re EVERYWHERE, especially on the buses because they get free rides, generally being slow and expecting everyone to get out of the way whilst looking at anyone under 30 with complete disdain. I’ll have someone shoot me before I get that old and annoying. And people wonder why I laugh when they fall over. Have you ever noticed they always make that same noise…. “daaaaahh.”
The bus was full of young Australian women, which I’ll be happy if I never see more of again. I’m starting to think that though American girls are bad (REALLY bad - they set the bar of stupidity pretty high), Aussie chicks are slowly catching up. It’s nice to see
that there are SOME good lookers around that are nice and quiet and respectable, but most of them are mingers that obviously came over here to play the “cool foreign person” card and load up their Facebook page with “So-and-so is having an AMAZING time in some AMAZING place that you're not in, and it's just SO unbelievable and way better than being at home” updates. The aussie guys are the same, usually do nothing but talk loudly and drink piss, but luckily we have found two now that are an exception to the general rule of being loud, stupid bogans. Did anyone else find themselves avoiding Aussies at all costs while they were on tour?
You think I sound cynical? You bet… it’s been going on ever since we left the mainland! Go HOME to suburbia in Queensland and Tasmania, you ocker-talking friendless gits, you’re giving our country a bad name. Edinburgh is slowly becoming an honorary suburb of Western Sydney, and that’s not cool at all. It’s just not cricket.
So we arrived in Newcastle-upon-Tyne to some typical English drizzly weather. We worked out where the info centre was, got some info on where to stay,
and realised there was no way to get out of paying anything less than about twenty quid a night... each. Welcome to England. I was never going to stay longer than I had to in England, but we have friends to catch up with both local and international (eg Josh & Nikki, Jaime & Paul, Lisa & Jasmin).
We ended up staying in the Albatross hostel which was a great little place, and managed to get a couple of nights in a four bed dorm without anyone else coming in. We met up with Jess and Addie again as they were staying in the same place, and Aleks decided to stay at home whilst we went out and had a few beers, meeting a lad from Liverpool and two other girls from Manchester and Newcastle. Somehow we ended up at Sinners nightclub after being drenched in the rain, which was pretty boring (and the drinks cost a bloody fortune), and then called it a night at around 1:30.
The next day showed up as a pretty beautiful day, and we decided that it was going to be best spent going to Durham, southeast of Newcastle, as we had
Durham Cathedral
Durham, Co. Durham, England been told by a young lad in Glasgow that it was a beautiful place. We took the double decker bus from Newcastle (passing the passable Angel Of The North) and arrived to a very crowded main street. The first thing we saw was the lovely sight of nike-clad Eastern-block wannabes spitting in the street and generally being hard. Ignoring that, Aleks once again spied an op shop (or six) and decided to bolt in between them, looking to score herself a bargain in the form of a coat that could match the beauty of my Tommy Hilfiger style. No coat however, but we got a couple of books and Aleks got a much needed new pair of jeans which look absolutely fantastic.
We left the middle street to move onto higher ground, crossing a beautiful old bridge over the river that gave us our first views of Durham University, a majestic sandstone outcrop perched high on a promontory overlooking the lower-class peons. We grabbed a coffee that wasn't bad for an English effort, and saw that the coffee shop was serving cookies from the Byron Bay Cookie Company! COOOOME ON AUSSIE COME ON, COME ON.... Erm... Sorry, I get
a little emotional when I see Australiana every now and then. We then moved up through the streets of the ski-town wannabe top-end Durham to the main attraction - Durham Cathedral et al! Once again the architecture of the giant churches was blowing us away, so we took a few photos of the outside then bolted for the door... and promptly bolted out again upon seeing the £6.50 entry fee.
For feck's sake. I'm sorry for (semi-)swearing but it's starting to get ridiculous. How much do I have to pay these self-righteous, money-grubbing, Mercedes-driving wankers to see some architecture? I've said it before and I'll say it again. Screw giving money to the Catholic Church, they're rich enough, and I'm poor. Anyway, it didn't mar the experience too much and we got some more great photos before catching the bus back into town.
That evening was looking good for a wander down to the other side of Newcastle, and we actually found an area that didn't look like industrial Glasgow - down by the river! We found ourselves another division of my favourite Lloyd's Bar/ Wetherspoons / Cheap Ass Bars that served some highly potent California Rose and
Durham Square
Durham, Co. Durham, England beer from the Ale Festival that was currently underway. See the photos - the sunset was magic. Slept well again that night, due in part to the fact that we still hadn't got anyone into our room. That and there sure was a nice warm heater in there, which was good because the room was pretty damn arctic, even for yours truly.
The next day it was off to York, a place of magic and wonder that we had heard nothing but good things about - needless to say we were pretty excited about it, and we jumped on our first English Rail ride, the 13:29 National Express! The trip itself was great because there was free wi-fi onboard, and so we ate our pre-bought rolls from Greggs sandwich store (did I mention we're Greggs addicts?) and hacked into some emails and stuff. Once we reached York we checked into possibly the most pretentious hostel we've ever been in: Ace Hotel. No kidding, the place was brand-newly renovated inside an old Manor house in one of the main streets in town, and smelled like paint. Not only that, there was no kitchen, no laundry, no wi-fi and the smallest
external bathroom I've EVER seen. It was a hostel that was having a serious identity crisis. There were chandeliers and leather chairs and lots of naff mirrors and polished things and waaaaay too many stairs. Our room was (if you look in the brochure) supposed to have a view of the city, but when we walked in it took us four minutes just to find the window, as it was in the ceiling. Great view of the sky, not much else. And it was a shoebox. But the front desk chick was Czech and man she was smoking hot, so that made it all okay. Well, everything BUT the fact that it cost us £21.50 each. Jesus.
Believe it or not, Addie and Jess were staying there again, but we didn't really catch up much other than later that first night and the second day at breakfast.
The first night we got there we went for a walk around town, drinking in the beautifully lit delights of the town. The place really knows how to work the up lighting to maximum effect, especially on the megastructure of Yorkminster, one of the biggest cathedrals in the world. We ended
Going To Uni At A Castle
Durham, Co. Durham, England up that night at an awesome local pub called The Punchbowl, and to our excitement we realised it was £5 curry night! CURRY! ENGLISH CURRY! PHWOAR! We grabbed ourselves a curry that came with a free drink (ie pint or glass of wine). I ordered a Chicken Tikka Masala and Aleks had the Chicken Jalfrezi. They were both excellent.
The next day we made an early start with the intention of walking all the way around town in one day. This was going to be easy because York ain't exactly New York, if you know what I mean: a good small size and plenty to see in a short walking distance. We first went for a walk around the town walls, which was a one and a half hour walk along, literally, the tops of the walls. They were rather high in spots, and only a couple of feet in others, and sometimes they stop existing completely and we had to do some pavement pounding to get to the next part. But it was exhilarating, and afforded us some incredible views over the city.
I would like to apologise for the lack of photos in respect to this
Angel Of The North
Near Newcastle, England particular part of our trip, because somehow, somewhere, we have managed to lose a whole folder of photos. Yes Papa Wetzlich, that's right. LOST. We can't believe it either. But anyway, that doesn't matter because I will use my superior computer hacking skills to get them back off the memory card!
After we walked the walls we made our way to the Shambles, which is actually the most visited street in all of England... apparently. The Shambles is actually a very small street, which is bounded by Victorian and Tudor houses that all have... well... let's just say they're all a bit drunk. In one particular spot, the houses are leaning so far over with age and general warping that they look like they're actually going to touch above the middle of the street. The street itself is lined with horrible tacky tourist shops, where you can buy crap cheese, fake Driving Licenses that say you're Bart Simpson or Al Pacino, and other Chinese-made plastic things. There are a couple of hidden gems in there though, like chocolate stores and tiny eateries, but they are few and far between. Aleks bought some clotted cream fudge (mmmm clotted...), so sustain
The Castle and Black Gate
Newcastle Upon Tyne, England us for the day.
We also ducked over to Yorkminster for a look in the daytime, but didn't go in as once again we were going to be charged £7. I'm not going to say any more about that. You know how I feel. Once again I would like to say see photos at this point, but I don't think there are actually any there. Bugger.
That night was another early night, but we had dinner at another dodgy pub down the road, which was doing £5 vegetarian pasta and beef tortillas. I must mention that Aleks was not having much fun with her selection of delectable eating things, such as toad-in-the-hole and Yorkshire pudding, both of which were on the menu but not available. She was cranky, I drank Scotch, that was about the end of York.
Signing off,
Captain Fishy
Beeerrrmingum w/ Josh & Nik-ee, AND Wales
We woke in beautiful York the morning after our pasta, tortilla and scotch attack, and threw ourselves on a bus to Leeds. Why you say? Well bloody Megabus doesn't have a service from York to Birmingham do they? I managed to lose our
€4 umbrella at the bus stop before embarking on a surprisingly pretty adventure south east. No really, it was actually exactly what I imagined middle-lands England to be like, wide green pastures, misty trees with their leaves falling off, cows pooping, every second pub called The Rose and Crown... It was just great. Aleks also talked to Ciocia Ola, who was very much in love with us at the time, but we later found out that she doesn't remember much of the whole affair, after a few wines. Enough said.
We got to Leeds... and it was... well.... Leeds. I'm looking for some sort of poetic enlightenment to describe the bus station there, but I'm going to stick to the facts instead and save myself the brain cramp. Apparently the shopping was fantastic, and the markets were brilliant. I can't actually attest to that myself, because Aleks trundled off to buy some essentials, and I guarded the bags and wrote the blogs from a cold bench seat. *sniff*
Five and a half hours later we were on our intended autobus, which was actually not at the station we had been at that whole time. Thank God we asked
someone. After another standard bus trip we arrived in Berrrrrmingum, and by jingoes it was cold, and once again I needed to pee, so I sprinted off and left Aleks with the bags. By the time I got back, Joshy was there! Hurray! It had been so long (well, only really a year) but we were so stoked to see him. He was looking all smashing in his work garb of full suit and shirt, and took us to the car and drove us home. We got home to Nicky and Evie May, the new bub that was just a very large bump on Mum's tum the last time we saw them in November last year. What a BEAUTIFUL little girl... those two are good breeding stock though, I suppose. That night we had lasagne, which they must have known is like my favourite thing in the world, and a beer or two. We had such a lovely room, and even though J & N said the mattress was crap, it was the best sleep I've had in a very, very long time.
The next day was fairly laid back, as Joshy was at work, and we were slowly
introduced to the day-to-day routine of being a Mum to Evie May Hickman. Wake up somewhere between 6 and 7, downstairs for a feed, watch TV, food, sleep, then whatever Mummy wants to do for the rest of the day, and the midget has to fit in with that. This particular day we went all the way out to (insert canal place name), where we took in our first view of the English Midlands canal system. Funny - I think canals, I think Venice, not the Midlands. But man it was pretty. There were so many boats! We went inside the attached ale-house there and drank beer and talked shite. Actually, I drank the most beer (3 lovely English ales called “Homewreckers”) and talked the most shite, the girls just did the girly thing and looked pretty and talked intelligently. Getting home that night we had a roast chook and veg and (finally!) Yorkshire Puddings, then Joshy and I decided that it was a good idea to drink a bottle of Jack Daniels between us and play guitar and sing. Joshy has, out of nowhere, become a brilliant guitar player. I tell you what, I wish I had progressed as
fast as him when I had started, I'd be feckin Eric Clapton by now. But hey, what you can you do.
Well, I'll tell you what what I did. I got too drunk, apparently, and spent the rest of the next day in bed with what can only be described as the ultimate bout of alcohol poisoning. I'm not kidding, I was sick when I opened my eyes, ate, threw that up, tried to keep water down, threw up, and was sick when I closed my eyes that night. And to top it all off, our wonderful hosts cooked us amazing Thai chicken green curry. It really pissed me off that I missed that, but man I just couldn't stomach it. The others thought it was pretty funny and went on with their daily plans, which included going to Stratford-upon-Avon (which, if you haven't heard of, you're a moron) and Broadway, two absolutely stunning towns full of Tudor architecture and yellow sandstone native to the area. They had a great time, I realised that it was actually the end of my liver and that I should just give up on drinking completely. (Edit: Actually, we went to Broadway first
which is in the Cotswalds and is a stunning little town, filled with quaint buildings made of the local Cotswald yellow limestone. We then went to Statford-upon-Avon and visited Shakespeare's birthplace - touristy but nonetheless awesome).
I awoke with a far better feeling in my stomach, although not as chirpy as I usually would be, and found Josh was also sick, albeit in a slightly different way at a different end of the body. He had been since the day before I realised, and so he had the day off work. We couldn't very well sit around the house all day, and so Joshy donned an adult nappy and jumped in the car with us for a drive to Warwick Castle. Before we got there, we had a little idea and decided to go to Wolverhampton to the best shop on the planet - THE FIREWORKS STORE. That's about a 12 out of 10 on my cool stuff-o-meter. But it gets better. Not only could we buy fireworks, but it was two for one! This two for one thing just keeps getting better and better. Joshy and I threw in a tenner each and came out with 15 rockets
that were bound to keep the neighbours happy, setting a date for the following Saturday as D-day.
So, as I was saying, Warwick Castle. Now here is a place that is truly of epic touristy proportions. Even the front welcome sign had me gagging thinking that I was walking into a real life Duff-World from the Simpsons, but the blow was softened by the fact that our hosts had found a two-for-one ticket somewhere along the way. That was lucky, as entrance was normally a paltry £17.50 p/p. Take THAT, budget! Anyway, we went inside and Aleks, Joshy and I made for the dungeon while Nicky fed the midget. It was a true dungeon that hadn't been changed since it was built way back when, and showed where the sinners were cast down into the depths of rat-infested holes and forgotten. The iron restraints hanging from the ceiling topped it off. Oh no, wait... that wasn't the best part. The best part was the fingernail scratches in the wood and the indentations in the stone walls below the ankle-stocks. This is where prisoners hanging upside down by their ankles had tried to push themselves up to alleviate the pain,
York's City Walls
York, North Yorkshire, England usually taking skin off in the process. Cheerful place, and heaps awesome :D
As touristy as the castle was, it quite excellently done. We managed to watch a falconry demonstration with three different live birds and a trainer, DEFINITELY the highlight of my day. To see the birds come smashing down from the trees around the falconry square, swoop over the stupid punters at a hair's-breadth distance and take a piece of meat off the end off a swinging string was just outstanding. We then mosied down across some very muddy fields to a full-size working replica of a Trebuchet.
You know, the siege engine that looks like a big half-catapult, half-sling that lobs flaming canisters of death over enemy walls? No? Well... you're stupid.
Anyway, the trebuchet wasn't working that day, but we got some photos and Joshy is kindly going to include a video of it on the DVD he's making for us at the end of our stay, as he's seen it in action before. God he's a legend 😊 After that we went for a tour up onto the top of one of the front towers, which gave us an EPIC 360 degree
York Minster By Night
York, North Yorkshire, England view of the surrounding countryside. We also went into the Kingmaker exhibition (where they showed how the head honcho of Warwick prepared for war) and the main state rooms and saw not only displays of weapons, attire and artwork of the 15th - 18th centuries, but also wax figures of what people actually looked like such as Henry VIII and all his wives, Winston Churchill and the like.
Lastly, we managed to see the small-scale hydroelectric power station attached to the nearby river that powered the castle, as well as marvelling at short Knights-of-old, savage Pringle-eating peacocks, 8 foot narwhal tusks, and a stuffed bear with a money box. It was truly great, and one of the best displays that Aleks and I have seen so far. On the whole, given the budget price we entered for, it was completely worth it and we had a great time. See photos, of course!
The next day Joshy was working again, and so Aleks, Nicky and I decided that it was a good idea to go to THE CADBURY FACTORY!!!!! Are you excited? I was nearly peeing my pants! We made it to the 14:20 session and were immediately handed
Our Very First English Curry
The Punchbowl, York, North Yorkshire, England a selection of chocolates so that we could either eat them as the tour progressed or take them home for later consumption. After finishing all mine before we got to the first section of the tour, I was feeling slightly full, and burping bubbles of chocolate.
The tour started and we learned how chocolate was first introduced to the English speaking kingdoms via the conquistadors visit to the Aztecs in South America, who had been stuffing themselves full of cocoa and coca for hundreds of years prior; no wonder they came up with so many amazing ideas! We then progressed to how the Cadbury Factory came into being: it was very similar to the beginnings of the Guinness Factory in Dublin. One man's dream leading to the building of a giant factory in the middle of nowhere, and then the rest of the town being built around it. The workers there had a riot of a time: it was kind of like the Google of the old days - every man and his dog wanted to work there! They had leisure centres and meeting places and nice townhouses and all sorts of things. Lucky beggars!
Not only did
Abandoned Churchyard
York, Co. Yorkshire, England we learn about the history of the factory itself, we learned about how chocolate is actually made, and saw the actual factory floor where the magic happens. There was so much more - logistics, marketing, advertising in TV etc, interactive displays, and of course, the PHIL COLLINS CADBURY GORILLA!! That just made my day. We also got to write our names in chocolate and see how the little Crème Eggs are made from scratch, AND to top it all off we got an amazing carriage ride through a wonderland of chocolate animatronics and things, kind of like the Duff Ride in the Simpsons... I keep referencing that don't I? At the end we were given a cup of chocolate mixed with whatever flavouring we wanted. After that, I was just about ready to do a big brown chunky yawn all over the pavement, but other than that, the place was just magic. Topped the Guiness factory for sure I reckon, and only £10 each! I'd really like to thank Nicky for that, it was such good fun!
If that wasn't cool enough, later that evening we went back into central Birmingham with Nicky and Evie to meet Joshy at
work... The plan was to meet him after he had finished so that he, Aleks and I could go out for a beer or two while Nicky took Evie home and got her all sorted for bed. By the time we got there Josh had a few hours to go, so Nicky took us for a stroll around Birmingham to see the sights. Now to be honest a lot of people give Birmingham crap because... well because it's England and every part of it thinks it's superior to the other parts. But really, in amongst it's canals with their little boats chugging along, and it's new, out there architecture mixed in with the old stuff, the centre of the city is a real surprise. It's genuinely beautiful, even in shite weather like we had that day. After the rain really started to belt down, we relegated ourselves to a coffee shop and had a cup of tea while Evie had her dinner, then we slowly meandered back to meet Joshy. When we finally got going we wandered over and had some two-for-one Beck's by the canals, and then to yet ANOTHER syndicated Lloyds bar for some £5 burger-and-beer action. And
St Mary's Abbey Ruins
York, North Yorkshire, England guess what... the burger had Reggae Reggae sauce on it!
Don't know what that is? Ha, you're still stupid.
We wandered over to our last watering hole of the night which was a bar that had been converted from an old bank. An OLD bank: we're talking like 24 foot ceilings and elaborate wall carvings and two floors of old timber and panelling. It was absolutely beautiful. After that, we jumped back into the car (!) and Joshy drove us home for a nightcap and bed.
We hadn't had enough of running around by that stage, and the next morning saw our fat asses thrown in the car and whisked off to a place called the Crooked House Pub. This pub was built on top of a disused mine shaft. They obviously didn't think this through too hard because one side of the building started sinking as the substrata collapsed, and now the whole thing leans heavily to the left. It looks so trippy that you feel something similar to drunkenness looking at it front on. We went inside and had a lemonade, and purchased a marble for 20p that somehow, freakishly, rolls UP a ledge along
Still Loving Autumn
York, North Yorkshire, England a wall... even though you look outside and it should go the other way. It doesn't make sense, even after 10 minutes of looking at it, measuring distances, scratching your head etc.
The rest of the day was spent visiting a couple of beautiful towns in the area known as Black Country. We visted a place called Bridgnorth that had the most incredible views and a massive stone keep in ruins that was on more of a lean than the Drunken Pub! Seriously, it looked like it was going to fall over at any moment. The place also had the most beautiful little markets and a wooden town gatehouse that was still surviving from the 17th Century. To get up to the top of the hill where the views were we went by ancient cable car; you know - like the ones in the Blue Mountains? Only thing was, this one felt a LOT more dated. I hope it continues to function long into it's years without falling off the side of the hill. We also went to Iron Bridge, a town built around (you guessed it) a BIG IRON BRIDGE! Hurrah! The town was totally picturesque, and apparently
St Olaves
York, North Yorkshire, England the bridge came from a guy who had a complete obsession with iron and built everything from it... including his own casket, which he is buried in nearby. See photos!
Saturday night the 7th consisted of Me and Joshy drinking beer and retiring to the rear car park to let off fireworks, much to the dismay of an cranky geezer in the building adjacent to Josh and Nicky's place. The old bastard gave us a serve from his window, asking us in no uncertain terms to “move our fucking fireworks under your own window.” It must have looked like we were having a little too much fun for his liking. Either that or it was hurting his hearing aid. Anyway, we still had a few left after the first three, so we gave him an earful back, then walked down to the open driving range and let 'em rip! It was Guy Fawkes night celebrations after all...
And so Sunday came, our last hurrah before our exit at sparrow fart on Monday morning. We decided that the day was best spent visiting two of the most beautiful places we had seen yet, saving the best for last. No
I Just Don't Even Remember...
York, North Yorkshire, England seriously, you have no idea. Picture the most English, hole-in-the-hills place you can think of, complete with cobbled streets, little bridges over bubbling brooks, smoking chimneys, all nestled in a little valley, and you've got Castleton, right up near Manchester. Beautiful. Not only that, it has a huge cave called Devil's Arse, named because of the noises that come out of it due to wind etc. Apt, but we didn't go in because the bastards were charging us £7.50. For WHAT?! For paying the fat knobs at the front gate to sit on the internet and play solitaire all day, that's what. Grrrr. Oh well, I don't care anyway, we have Jenolan Caves right on our back doorstep 😊
Last stop for the day was a place called Arbor Low, which was your classical megalithic period stone circle kinda place, but this was on the back end of a farm somewhere in the valleys somewhere on the way home. Joshy made a split second decision to see it, and I'm glad he did. Just prior to arrival, Evie May tore off a shit that nearly blew the car to pieces. The fallout was horrendous, and sent us running for
Canal Boats
Near Birmingham, England our lives - there was poop on the nappy, the pants, the floor, the ceiling, the neighbour's cat... it was horrible. Unfortunately Evie didn't have anything warm enough to keep her toasty outside so she stayed with mum, and we journied up to the site. It was a fairly standard looking archaeological area, a few lumps in the ground in the vague shape of a ring, some rocks, and some placards describing how it was “5000 years old”. I have my doubts on most of that stuff as I've voiced before, but as we climbed the last mound and looked toward the west, the slowly setting sun made what I call the “Eye Of Hell” effect. See photos.
And that was the end of our Birmingham stay: that night we were treated to the best Joshy stir fry that I demolished with gusto, and we spent time reflecting on the experience. I gotta hand it to those two, I missed them both like hell, and it was brilliant to see them and the new midget....
… But I have to say this. Never again in my life will I be able to think of Evie May Hickman without
Nemo Making Bathtimes Fun With Evie
Josh and Nicky's Place, Sutton Coldfield, England connotating her beautiful sparkling brown eyes with the BBC Kids channel, CeeBeeBies.
Oh God, the viewing. Nicky revelled in torturing us with Fifi The Flower Tot (“Feeefeeeee who we looove a loooot”), Thomas the Tank Engine (“Theeeeyre 2 they're 4 they're 6 they're 8! Trucking loads and hauling freight), Waybaloo (complete with yoga-teaching, smackhead, androgenous, noseless baby-like animal scary people) and lastly In The Night Garden, which was DEFINITELY made for babies who wanted to feel like they were having a really bad acid trip. I'm not kidding... A guy cleaning rocks? A floating blimp that farts called Pinky-Ponk? A character who is obsessed with taking off his pants and making them into a sail for his boat?! What the F@#K?!
The pay off with watching these shows was watching the absolute delight that Evie May got out of them, she flapped away like a madwoman every time Fifi or Waybuloo came on, and got a big “Awwwww!” out of all of us. Good for her! Joshy drove us to the bus on the morning of the 8th, for our trip down to Cardiff, and that was it. It was really sad to say goodbye to him, we
Some Things Never Change
Josh and Nicky's Place, Sutton Coldfield, England had such a wicked time, and guys if you're reading this - THANKYOU SO MUCH 😊
We arrived in Cardiff after a 3 hour trip around lunchtime after back-and-forthing with our friend from Cairns, Mr. Ben Williams, who had told us he would pick us up in Swansea. We got off the bus at Cardiff, had no idea where to go and were obviously looking like lost backpackers. Luckily a guy called Daniel came over and asked us where we were going: he had just come home from an Aussie/NZ tour, and pointed us in the direction of the 100-service Shuttle to Swansea.
He was so efficient that by the time we had arrived was driving right behind our bus. We hadn't seen Benny boy for ages, and it was amazing to see him all grown up with a real job and not just being a Cairns reprobate, getting drunk and schmoozing pretty women, HA! He drove us up to meet his Mum (who, I might add, is just the LOVELIEST person) and then took us to our accommodation.
Was it a caravan? No. Was it a bed? No! It was a whole house all to ourselves!
The house is owned by Ben's folks, and they inherited it from his Grandma the year before. Unfortunately, tragedy befell the house when a water main in the attic broke and flooded the whole place top to bottom, so by the time we got there the place was on the back end of a very expensive refit. This meant that everything was all in place, except the only furniture was two couches, two beds and a TV. But man that was the best thing we had ever heard! The beds were so damn comfy, the TV had free to air Top Gear (which nearly made me pee with excitement) and the kitchen was excellent. The only downside was no bathroom, as the builders hadn't put it in yet, but we weren't worried at all - we have to keep our reputation up as filthy stinking backpackers somehow! We sauntered out of the house in the afternoon, our only plan being go to op-shops (which we did, and found books on the cheap), get me a haircut (which I needed reeaaallly badly, but didn't get) and drink beer. The beer we tried was at the local pub, and was a
couple of the local beers made down the road. They were tasty, and it gave us time to make a master plan for the next couple of weeks.
That night Benny turned up bearing shitloads of food from his wonderful mother, and we realised there was all sorts of stuff in the fridge and cupboards put there purely for our consumption. What hospitality, we were absolutely slackjawed at how kind they were being. We ate a mad pasta that Benny cooked for us, drank HEAPS of his Carlsberg Export beer, and recapped on old times past on a comfy sofa.
Unfortunately Benny-Hana had to work over the next couple of days, so that left us to wander around with reckless abandon and check out the thriving metropolis that is Swansea. Make no mistake it's a beautiful little place, but the problem was, as it always is, the weather was shite. It wasn't terribly cold, but there was just enough drizzle to tear the fork out of your nightie, and we woke up so late that Papa Wetzlich would have lapsed into mild apoplexy. It would have been easily 11am. How's that Tatuś? Breaking into a cold sweat yet?
:D Anyway, it turned out that Benny had to pick up a watch for his boss in Cardiff at lunchtime, and so he was getting paid to drive us over there and skive off work for the afternoon. BRILLIANT! We walked into Cardiff and saw some amazing parks and the OUTSIDE of the Castle in the middle of town (inside was fecking £17.50 AGAIN) and had a £5 food-and-booze lunch at the local gay bar (!). Walked around, picked up the watch, got bored, went home around five o'clock in the pouring rain. That night was much the same as the night before. Beer, food, Clarkson and good times.
The next day we conquered Swansea after an early start, I finally got my haircut and we did some op-shopping, and also checked out some camping stores in minor preparation for our trip ahead in the campervan. It was fairly laid back, and once again it was hammering down cats and dogs outside. We got ourselves home and all spruced up, for that night was to a be a night out on the town in Swansea with Ben. It was Wednesday, and you know what that means? STUDENT NIGHT! Benny
arrived eventually and we made our way into town, grabbing some sexy two for one beers amongst the hair wax and short skirts of the student crowd. By GOD there were some skimpy outfits around for 10 degree weather! And boy I wasn't complaining.
It also made me realise how hard I used to go when I was that age, and how the hell I managed to do it without laying myself out in a hospital bed. Ahh the old days.
Somehow, by some mad twist of fate, we met up with Benny's brother and watched some live music, and after a few beers we made the obligatory stop at McDonald's for some well needed saturated fats and high sodium content food. Gaawwd it was tasty.
We then relegated ourselves to the local 80's nightclub. What. A. Riot.
Just watching Aleks in her element and Ben getting so wasted he was dancing with old cougars and grabbing their bums was priceless. Aleks even managed to get a dance in with some old Welsh dude, HAHA. I wish I'd filmed it! When we finally left Ben was so drunk we had to drag him into a taxi,
The Tower
Broadway, Worcestershire, England where he promptly fell asleep. We got him back to his house, we hightailed it home. Where Ben, perhaps in his drunken stupor, gave Aleks the warmest Northface jacket EVER! It's been keeping her warm ever since. And that was that. SUCH a wicked night, one of the best ones I've had in ages, and I'm going to do way more student nights where I get home! 😉
And that, my friends, was our time in Wales. It was short but it was ace, as we got a bit of time to just relax and hang about, and have one of the best nights out that I think I'm going to have in a long time. So much thanks to Ben and his Mum and Dad, and also his bro for making the night out even cooler. It was wicked.
Until next time, readers, I'm going to go get the fire extinguisher and put out the fire on the keyboard, because these fish fingers are SMOKIN' hot :D
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