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Published: December 2nd 2009
London: Where The Newest Trends Meet History
The Millenium Bridge and St Paul's, London, EnglandLondon Ahoy!
So we finally made it out of Wales with a few brain cells left, and managed to get ourselves on a Megabus from Cardiff to Victoria Coach Station for a paltry £9 each. I don't know where we'd be without Megabus, boy they're cheap and always right where you need them to be. The bus didn't get in to London until around 17:40 at night, around twenty minutes late. I think it had something to do with the fact that it was peak hour traffic on a Thursday night.
Paul, being the champion that he is, was there to greet us off the bus and take us for a short walk around to his car which was parked nearby. And what a car! A Mercedes 1989 G300 Diesel... For those of you who have never seen one before (like me at this stage), this car was selling for around about £110,000 brand new in 1989. It's a TANK - kind of like an old school Hummer but way cooler and less naff. We jumped in for the ride home which was also destined to take a long time due to the epic streams of traffic all the
way out to their place in sunny Twickenham. Luckily we had a lot of catching up to do with Sir Paul McMunkenbeck, and had to call Jaime about fifty times to tell her we were still stuck in traffic. When we arrived Jaime was very excited to see us and vice versa, as it had been a long time since having a beer in the Duke of Edinburgh pub in Enmore a few years back.
Another bonus that reared it's head was that the friends they were having to stay had decided to move on for some reason or another, and this left the loft upstairs in their house completely vacant for our usage. Needless to say we were stoked and promptly moved all our gear up there. Paul was so excited to show us the area that he nonchalantly walked dogshit all over the upstairs rug, and thought it was mighty funny as well. Jaime however did not.
Later on we were absolutely blown away by a veritable feast of delectable food and wine. I'm not kidding, we were well and truly spoilt beyond anything we'd had in 3 years prior. It was restaurant quality. Starting off
The Abbey Itself
Westminster Abbey, London, England the amazingness were some monster North Sea oysters and Champagne (real stuff, from France!). Now I'm hardly an experienced oyster eater and I'm pretty sure they are closely related to snot, but these were only a day old and mixed with some lemon juice and Habanero Tobasco sauce, they were absolutely fantastic. I can now say that I might eat them completely without faltering next time, but only under the condition that they are fresh which, so Paul says, is a very very important thing, and I can kind of imagine why. The next tasty morsel that we had were some scallops and prawns with tarragon sauce, and that was just divine as these are two types of seafood I am particularly fond of. They went down a treat.
The main course, however, was the piece de resistance. Fillet mignon. Oh. My. God. It was so tender that after I got the bacon and strings off it, the whole thing fell to pieces on my plate. The pink bits of the meat were so smooth it looked like.... Well I'm not quite sure, but you can make something up. I actually ate slowly for the first time in my
life and savoured the flavour. If that wasn't enough, then the home made tiramisu topped it off beautifully. These two are truly talented cooks. After dinner we decided to have some disgusting cheeses that smelled like someone had farted inside an old boot and left it in the sun for a month. I'm not kidding, it was the stinkiest cheese I have ever smelled in my life. Aleks of course was positively foaming at the mouth as we all gagged, but nevertheless the other three ate it with gusto while I gingerly tried a few pieces here and there. Of course it was very nice with baguette, and we washed all that down with a lovely French Bordeaux red.
They say time passes faster in the presence of good company. With good wine and food added, it's even worse I can tell you, because we didn't get to bed until three. That would have been fine, but we had been drinking delicious Italian Illy coffee all night, and so our poor old Fish laid down in bed, blinked, stared at the ceiling for what seemed like three minutes, and then checked his watch to find that it was 5am.
The Cloisters
Westminster Abbey, London, England Damn. I finally fell asleep and woke at ten, at which stage we were delighted to find that Paul & Jaime had decided to skive off work and take us driving around the countryside! BONUS!
They drove us first through Richmond Park, which just so happened to have been Henry V8's personal hunting ground and weekend house for shagging, and is currently filled with about eleven billion deer, some of which we saw from the car as we drove through. The land is now owned by the Queen, and is one of the last places that someone could commit high treason rather easily. If you were so inclined to kill one of the Queen's Swans (every swan in England is owned by Old Liz) then you will most certainly be killed. I'm not kidding. It's the gallows for you. That goes for the Queen's sturgeon too. And the deer.
After we got out of the FECKING ENORMOUS park, we drove through Richmond suburb where Mick Jagger has a rather massive shagpad, and passed the tree where Marc Nolan of T-Rex fame came to his fate - the tree is still covered in photos and flowers and “We Love
You Marc!” signs. Weird.
Did you know that there are areas of common land in London where you can still take sheep and pigs to graze... such as Twickenham Green? Yeah, I'm still not kidding.
After that we drove into town and parked near the Houses of Parliament. Holy massive buildings, Batman. We were right in the middle of a) the place Guy Fawkes tried to blow up, b) Big Ben, and c) Westminster Abbey. Not only that, you could see The Eye (the Giant Ferris Wheel built for the Millennium Celebrations) from there. It was piddling down with rain in true English style, and so while we dashed from the carpark to Westminster Abbey, where Paul shouted us the entry fee of the low low price of fifteen quid (gag) and we walked into what goes down as one of my most moving, profound and awe-inspiring experiences of my travel.
I have to devote a whole paragraph to this place. It is just, simply, Astounding. Flummoxing. Unbelievable. And the BASTARDS won't let you take photos inside. Again. I'm so over that, what the hell is the deal with it? If anyone has the answer, please tell
Can't Believe We're Actually Here!
Westminster Abbey, London, England me. Anyway, not only is the church standing the way it has been for over 1000 years, but it's IMMENSE. My favourite part is Poet's Corner, where some of the most influential writers that have shaped literature over the past 400 years are buried.... such as Geoffrey Chaucer, who was buried here as he had apartments in the Abbey where he was employed as master of the Kings Works. Other poets were buried or paid tribute to around Chaucer. These include but are not limited to: Robert Burns, Lord Byron, Charles Dickens, George Eliot, T. S. Eliot, Dr Samuel Johnson, John Keats, Rudyard Kipling, John Milton, Laurence Olivier, William Shakespeare, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Lewis Carroll, DH Lawrence, Jane Austen and William Wordsworth. Isn't that just mental? I walked over Charles Dickens' grave! Over the other side of the place are four more important people who I better not forget... you may have heard of them: George Handel (as in the composer), Edmond Halley (the comet guy) and... oh what were their names... Isaac Newton and Charles Darwin?
Not only are the Poets and Scientists important, but everybody who's anybody in the Kingy and Queeny worlds are buried here: some
examples including Edward the Confessor (Royal Saint), Henry VII, Mary and Elizabeth Tudor, Anne of Cleves, Mary Queen of Scots, Charles II, the list goes on and on way too long for this blog, but you get the idea. It's just staggering. Once we finally made it out of the place we mosied over for our first view of the great Thames. We crossed the Golden Jubilee Bridge and walked under The Eye before stopping at a wonderful Italian restaurant called Strada where we tucked into some mushroom ravioli and ragu penne. Yum! We also managed to drag our arses through a bit of a monopoly walk: Trafalgar Square (where we saw the amazing Lord Nelson monument in front of the National Gallery) The Strand and Whitechapel. We saw the crazy strutting Lifeguard, who don't wear red speedos but instead large nancy hats, and they yell at people who get too close to certain places... STAAAND CLEAR OF THE ARCHES! And then there were horses and marching and stuff and it was great!
That was about all we had time for that day, so we went home and had another nice late night.
Saturday was a bit of a
veg day in the morning; Jaime went off to get her hair sorted out, and Paul and the two of us bummed around. That night was Paul's Birthday Night, and we got all dressed up and taken out to a place in Chelsea called Gaucho. This was a very swanky restaurant, where a goats cheese and prawns entree, a 300gm hunk of Argentinian Steak and a bottle of wine will cost you $170AU each. MAD. Loved the place, we had a very hyperactive French lad called Sebastian serving us, and it was top quality. After that we tried to get into a few places in South Kensington, but most of them were filled with Porsche driving high dressing wankers and their plastic orange girlfriends, which bored the shit out of me and all involved. So we made a move home, and called it a night around 1:30am.
By this stage on Sunday morning our livers and brains were just about fried from drinking too much and staying up too later (shock horror) and so we decided to go on a bit of a road trip down south to Brighton Beach. We went to see Paul's parents that morning, John
and Penny, two awesome parents who had a water main blow in their attic during Paul's Birthday celebrations the night before, subsequently flooding their house and filling the walls with water. It was great to meet them; now I know where Paul gets his personality!
The trip south was pretty exciting as I had always wanted to go there, and the drive down was great. Brighton is SUCH a beautiful place. The pier is a microcosm of giant angry birds, happily squealing children, and old squeaking amusement rides that look like they could bring down the whole structure at any point in time. We had ourselves a couple of freshly made donuts and rock candy, and took some great photos. We also walked along the beach and revelled in the afternoon sunshine and cold blustery wind, before making our way back to a fish and chip shop for a serving of sustainable fish and soggy chips with mushy peas. SO AWESOME.
The guys had to go back to work on Monday, Paul grumbling about it the whole time, and gave us a day to go to the Tower of London. The Tower is famous for many reasons, most
The One And Only Guitar Hero (So Not)
Paul And Jaime's, Twickenham, London, England notably being the place where prisoners convicted of High Treason (or friends of the King/Queen who needed killing) were tried and executed. We're talking about people like Guy Fawkes and Anne Boleyn and other people like such, so top end. Not only that, the place is the home to the Crown Jewels of England. We had managed to get ourselves a voucher at the train station that allowed us to get a 2-for-1 entry with a valid train ticket; lucky because the entry fee was about £17.50! Ouch.
Once we got in the front gate, we wandered onto a tour with a real live Yeoman Warder aka Beefeater. This guy was a Scottish bloke, and told us that to become a warder, they have to serve at least 22 years in the military. He was a riot! The real deal with a super loud voice and very good with his stories. We saw the Chapel of St Peter in Chains, and the White Tower, which was home to an exhibition of Henry VIII's war gear, with big full suits of armour custom made for him during his reign. The White Tower also houses part of the Royal Armoury which
Brighton Pier
Brighton, England was obviously a really cool spot for me. Lastly we saw the Crown Jewels themselves. I can't really explain what it's like to see these, you're not allowed to take photos and my words just won't do them justice, so you'll just have to see for yourselves 😊 Look up pictures on Google... My favourites are the giant Punch Tureen that can hold 114L of punch and is completely made out of solid gold. Wow.
After that long and arduous day trekking around and being filthy tourists, we decided that it was a good idea to go and do a wine tasting session with Jaime and Paul's mate Phillippe. He's a wine importer specialising in fine wines. It wasn't tasting for the faint hearted - the mad Frenchman was pouring us ¾ full glasses of wine! We got through an Albarino from Spain, a Marlborough Sauv Blanc, a Chablis from Burgundy, and three more French Reds with a Prosecco in the middle. The wine was just amazing, and was a great introduction to French wines for people who are essentially french wine newbies. Needless to say even with canapes we got rather drunk, and are a little tired today!
That's all for now folks... We're off to the Museums today because J & P have skived off work, so we'll see what happens.
Mr Fish signing off!
London, Part Deux
Hey geezers!
Let's talk about museums. Today, feeling a little bit average, we ventured into the world of learning about stuff that's already happened. At times it seems like a little bit unconstructive if you ask me, but it's feckin cool all the same. After driving over there in the G-Wagon, we hopped out in a £3 per hour parking zone and wandered over to the block containing the Natural History Museum and the Science Museum. After being gipped for so many entrance fees in all the places we've been, I was slightly astounded to find that both the museums we were to visit today were FREE! That was exciting.
The first we visited was the NatHist Museum, and it was huge! I've been to see the one in New York, and this one was just as good if not better. There were huge dinosaur skeletons, interactive displays, and just about every bloody animal on the face of planet earth, either taxi-dermeed or
modelled - including a full size Blue Whale model, and above it a sperm whale skeleton. Holy bejeebers Batman, that was mad. I got a photo of me with my fabled Bison (or Zubr, of which I STILL maintain there are no trace of in Poland) and also a singing hippopotamus. It was awesome.
… Hang on... Before I go any further, I'd just like to mention that I'm truly terrified by the thought of a hippopotamus. Did you know more people are killed by those fat bastards every year than sharkies? Who on earth actually walks near a hippo? Have ye seen their teeth? They're a dentists worst nightmare! Not only their teeth... what about those flippy flapping ears, all cute like. They're there just to lure you into a false sense of security. Anyway...
The Science Museum made my jaw drop. The first thing that we walked into was an exhibition on Space! There were actually landers and capsules and stuff that had been into space, and that was my favouritest thing, so it was. The one that stood out the most was a lunar lander that was actually brought back to Earth. Totally wicked because
I've never seen anything like that before. It was one of those things that you have to see to believe. They had a couple of the Soviet space-era rockets disassembled to show the workings and mechanical bits, and that was just ace - so complex... luckily there are far, FAR smarter people in the world than me.
I would also like to make a point. The day that we walked in there, I was pretty sure that the whole moon landing thing was a complete fake. There was so much evidence as to why it had been filmed in the basement of a Hollywood movie lot. But I thought about it, and Paul told me stuff, and then I realised that Mythbusters had done a feature length special on it and busted all the myths. And if Mythbusters have busted it, then it must be real. That, and when Paul said, “that conspiracy theorist stuff is bullshit, if they hadn't landed a man on the moon, then why when you look through a huge telescope can you see the stuff they left behind from the first moonwalk mission?”
He had me stumped, although I'm still a little skeptical,
given the Americans' track record. Still haven't watched the Mythbusters thing though - I'll get there.
The rest of the museum was also great, there were planes, trains and automobiles from the beginning of steam and rockets to full size jets and record-breaking speedboats. There were some of the first computers ever built, and mechanical and electrical engineering feats from far and wide, but mostly focusing on Britain's endeavours in (and contributions forthwith to) the world of science. By the time we got to the third floor though, we were feeling the effects of no food or water for an entire morning, and were a little over the whole thing. I was going to go for an ice skate in the rink outside too, but changed my mind luckily. Jaime had been asleep in the car the whole time after feeling the ill effects of too much booze, but once Paul scared the crap out of her by shaking the car to wake her up, she quickly felt fine.
We finished the afternoon off by visiting Harrod's. I guess it just had to be done, especially so that Aleks could see the food court. We walked into a
English Beaches
Brighton, England world of opulence, strolling slowly past the Gucci & Louis Vuitton, Prada, Escada, Sonia Dada (not), Armani, Versace, Coach, yada yada yada. I still maintain the only person in the known universe that has any idea about Men's clothing is Hugo Boss, not that I've ever owned much of his stuff. Haha. Anyway, the food court was INSANE. Aleks was so excited she was nearly crying; it was like DJ's downstairs area in Sydney, but way more expensive and epic. The thing that Aleks liked the most was obviously the cheese, and it was there in spades. There was fresh produce that looked like it had been taken straight out of an advertisement, even the fish looked like it was still in the ocean alive and well. Truffles, beluga caviar, champagne worth thousands of dollars, it was all there, and I felt very small.
That was it for that day, and we retired home for some smashing food and got to bed at God knows what hour.
The next day we had a mission in mind - Buckingham Palace and the changing of the guard. We took the tube from Richmond to St James' station, and arrived there
around 11:15, thinking we were late. We also failed to notice that there were roadblocks and eleven billion policemen around, as we were so focused on our target. We reached the front of the palace to realise that all the roads surrounding it were closed, and that there were two rows of guards out the front. Hooray, thought we, we've made it in time. They were pacing up and down and changing around and it was all very military like. They did it for ten minutes. Twenty. I started getting suspicious - did they really have to do this stuff three times a week for half an hour? Bugger me! After a while we overheard someone ask the Police lady there what was going on and... it was the opening of State Parliament!
This only happens once a year, and we were lucky enough to see it. After we waited.. And waited... Suddenly there was a big KAAABOOOM! And smoke was everywhere. I was about to duck for cover and start calling the FBI, but realised that it was simply a 21 gun salute, and the guns were just really big. Like cannons. They went bang bang bang for
a while and the marching band played, and then the cavalry came around the fountain with the cannons in tow. The parked themselves in front of us, and the horses peed and pooped everywhere, so we had to move for a better view. Shortly after, guess what! The royal procession came rumbling down The Mall! I bolted around, readied the camera to video mode and... got Liz and His Royal Dukeness on video! Ha! Anyway, all sorts of important bits and pieces trundled past us, horses, more horses, big black cars, random nobodies waving out windows, it was sweet. Such a lucky find, what are the odds!
The next day was blah (19th November). We did some shopping, Aleks dyed her hair. That's about it.
The day after, however, was much more fun. Paul and Jaime, being the absolute champions that they are, lent us the G-Wagon to drive down to Bath! We set up the TomTom GPS (which incidentally was to later become our best friend) and burned off down the road, leaving a path of death and destruction in our wake. No really I drove it well, even though it handles like an elephant on ice
skates, and as we drove we looked out the window to the left and saw Windsor Castle. Holy CRAP that place is huge. We just had to take a detour and I pulled the handbrake on and took the Windsor exit just in time. When we got there though, we had a small look around the town and didn't actually go into the castle. Once again it was a case of “seen castles, not going to spent £16.50”. £16.50. Seems a fairly standard price for this sort of thing doesn't it?
We kept driving South East and finally got all the way over to Bath. Here is a little town that is quite happy sitting in the middle of nowhere being small, unassuming, and one of the biggest tourist attractions in the UK. It houses the only best preserved working Roman Baths in Europe. Hence the name I suppose. We got into town and parked the car in a very hard-to-get-into space, then went for a walk: the first place was Bath Abbey, a beautiful cathedral type place, the last great medieval church built in 1499-1616. It's truly stunning... The spiderweb vaulted ceiling must have taken suuuch a long
Our Own Yeoman Warder
Tower Of London, London, England time to make, as it's like twenty five metres off the ground. It's another in a long list of churches, but one I won't forget.
Out the front of the abbey was a beautiful young girl playing an instrument that I have never seen before. It was shaped like a big, thick flying saucer, with indentations on the top, a big bulge in the top centre, and a hole in the bottom. She played it with her hands and palms and tapped on each of the indentations creating a sound that was unlike anything I had ever heard in my life. It mesmerised me. It transfixed me. You guys should seriously go and check it out on Youtube and you'll understand what I mean. It's called a hang drum, and I would buy one in a second if it didn't mean a custom build from a company in Switzerland. To get one you actually have to go over there and talk to them face to face, so I don't like my chances. One day. One day! Wow... If heaven had a soundtrack playing over it's PA system, that would be it. Imagine crystal rain falling and then the sun
coming out in the most beautiful Elven forest you have ever seen, if you can imagine that.
We turned left from the angel's music and went into the Baths. Once again we baulked at the price, but there was no way I was going to drive all the way over here and not go in, so we paid the cash, got the audioguides and went in. The audioguides consisted of the usual - a bunch of gibbering voice actors pretending to be fictional historical characters in crap voices, and deans of museums and archaeologists and all that bollocks. The surprise wild card was acclaimed retard-blessed-with-a-publisher Bill Bryson, who they obviously felt was interesting enough to put on the guide as a guest commentator, blessing us with his sharp American wit and enormous breadth of perception. He was, naturally, skittish and crap - just like he comes across in his books. I ignored all his numbers.
The normal narrator in the audioguide was, however, quite informative as we toured around the baths, and by my left knee they were beautiful. Obviously restored a little and lit suggestively with clever downlighting and spots. There's so much to say about the
workings of the hot springs and chanelling and ducting and all that jazz, and I'm running out of room, so google it. Suffice to say it was beautifully presented, and worth every penny. The photos will tell you more, so check them out.
At the last minute we also decided that, seeing as it was just down the road, we would try to get to Stonehenge before it went horribly dark at like four thirty in the afternoon. We set the TomTom to show us where to go and then gave the G-Wagon what for. Tally ho! said I, and accelerated to the G-Wagon's maximum velocity of 110km/h in the record time of 42 seconds. It weren't exactly made fer speed you see, but I could hit a semi-trailer in it, and the semi would come off second best. In the end we made it, just as the sunset faded to pink, and got some amazing photos. We were really happy, and really really cold too, and so we turned our tails for home.
The next day was another nothing day, but that night I met up with Konrad from Poland, Aleks went out with Paul, and Jaime
The White Tower
Tower Of London, London, England went to netball. You'd think we'd all had a big fight, but we all had a great time in our respective locations. Jaime netballed up a storm and won. Aleks tried to go one for one wines with beers against Paul and “Pants” Dave at the pub and ended up in the foetal position in bed at home. I drank shitloads of Leffe Blonde, saw the finer parts of Tottenham with Konrad and spilled laksa soup all over the white shirt Ciocia Asia gave me and then went home. So all in all it was a success, and I still haven't washed the shirt. Ciocia - send another xox
On the Saturday, we had catching up with old friends to do! Paul was feeling very, VERY under the weather and had a Rugby game to go to with Jaime at Twickenham Stadium. He barely made it. (Edit: not true - I wish my hangovers were as mild as Paul's). Josh and Nicky came down from Birmingham, Lisa and Jasmin flew in from... wherever it is they are these days, and everyone else that was supposed to come chickened out - so was our very mini CDC reunion. We met
The Tower Bridge
Tower Of London, London, England down at Richmond Green for a couple of beers, tried to yell over the din of half a million stupid middle-aged English rugby fans and lost (like England lost to NZ - I never thought I'd say this but GO THE ALL BLACKS!) and so we headed back to the casa. I spent half the night walking Lisa to the train station and getting lost, the others talked, and all in all it was a great evening.
The next day I decided it was a good idea for me and Jaime to get drunk all day, because she spent a little too much time being responsible for my liking. 8 pints, 7 bottles of champagne, 2 bottles of wine, shots, and god knows what else later, my liver was spent. The next morning wasn't so good, as it was Monday and we had to pick the camper up. I was busy feeling very ill, and had a sly perk, while Aleks tested her skills driving a campervan home through the middle of London. I was happy with that, she had to get used to it eventually 😉 We got the camper, went shopping for all the bits and pieces
And By nTwilight
Tower Of London, London, England we needed for it like sleeping bags, boots and the like, and then we were ready to go. The last night we were there I cooked Mum's Marinated Chicken Wings, and Paul stayed out late again with Dave getting off chops. Good on him I say.
To be frank, friends, that's about fecking it. Our stay with Paul and Jaime was just outstanding. I keep saying this for all of the places I've been, but not without reason. I found new friends in Aleks' old friends; they're so laid back and so much like me in their theories on life that I just love em to death. I can see me turning up to their house in CAIRNS in a few years time and doing the same thing again and again. My hat goes off to them, and it was really hard to say goodbye and not have a little tear - not only because my liver was hurting from a week of abuse, but because I really really like them, like a seagull likes chups.
And now....
The moment you've all been waiting for.... THE NEXT EPISODE....
ALEKS AND FISH GO CAMPING AROUND EUROPE!!!
Nemo With His Personal Beefeater
Tower Of London, London, England Stay tuned!
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