The Schneckie

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Today’s rather odd title refers to the local name for Inverness, a town in north-central Scotland. It’s actually Ally’s hometown, although his parents are from the Isle of Skye, where everyone speaks “the Gaelic.” Anyway, the convoluted etymology behind this bizarre nickname proceeds thusly: Inverness means “town at the point.” It is located at the "point" of Loch Ness, the second longest loch in Scotland and home of the famous monster. At its north end, Ness comes to a point where it flows out into the River Ness. The River Ness twists and turns like a twisty, turny snake. . . or, in Gaelic, a “schneckie.” However, only people from this area area allowed to use the nickname. The rest have to call it Inverness, with the accent on the last syllable.

Inverness was a nice city. I’m sure it’s a nice place to live. We walked past a pretty cathedral and the local castle, which was built in 1833 (a mere n00b!) and is still used as a courthouse. However, everyone was a bit tired of cathedrals after yesterday (and our entire sojourn in London), and the historic bus tour was deemed too expensive (not by me), so we just got tea at a diner and then sat by the river. It was relaxing, but I felt like I didn’t get much out of it.

On the way to Inverness, we saw a lot of the loch. We saw another castle, Urquhart, and heard Ally’s theories about the monster. He says there’s too much evidence to ignore Nessie’s existence. When he mentioned that top Swedish scientists receive hefty funding to investigate the loch, I was convinced. Why would they waste money like that? I’m sure Nessie hasn’t been around since the prehistoric age, but maybe there are several Nessies who have been able to create a dynasty. From Ally’s description, the monster sounds a lot like an aquatic dinosaur called a pliosaurus. Wouldn’t it be cool if they found it? Hee hee.

We also drove through a beautiful glen (valley) called Glencoe. It was here that the infamous massacre of the MacDonalds took place. The story starts in 1692. Years before (I can’t be bothered to look up the exact date), James VI of Scotland was appointed king James I of England as well. His son James VII/II continued to rule both kingdoms, until he was deposed in 1688 (for the horrible crime of being Catholic - gasp!). His Protestant daughter, Mary, and her husband, William of Orange (in the Netherlands), were selected to take his place. To cement his power, William demanded that all the Scottish clans sign an oath of loyalty. However, due to difficulty travelling through the thick snow, Clan MacDonald signed the oath two days too late. This clan had already given William a lot of trouble, and he wanted to make an example of them. So he searched for a Scottish clan despicable enough to massacre their own countrymen. In return for plenty of cash, the Clan Campbell agreed to this foul deed. They gained access to the MacDonalds by seeking shelter in their castle - it was an unspoken Highland law that even if anyone, even your worst enemy, were caught in a storm outside your home, you had to offer them hospitality. The Campbells stayed in the castle for a week. Then, on the seventh night of their stay, they surprised the sleeping MacDonalds. The Campbells murdered over 200 people, and over a hundred more died of exposure after their castle was destroyed. This massacre was considered particularly heinous because it violated the sacred Highland hospitality, and Clan Campbell has been marked ever since. As Lisa said, “I’ll never feel quite the same about Campbell’s Soup.”

In 1745, the Campbells were mixed up in another notable event - this one a bit of a mystery. With William and Mary still ruling Scotland and England, James II’s grandson, Bonnie Prince Charlie, decided to reclaim the throne that rightfully belonged to his family. He had a brief but glorious military campaign; it ended suddenly when a double agent persuaded him to retreat, by claiming that the opposing English forces were about ten times greater and two times younger than they really were. But, throughout this uprising, James Stewart (James of the Glen) supported the bonnie prince. His best friend, Colin Campbell (the Red Fox), supported William and Mary. The two friends often got together for a friendly debate and some harmless name-calling. Surprisingly for that era (or, indeed, any era!), they were able to be friends despite their politics. But then, Colin Campbell was murdered! The police immediately arrested James of the Glen. He confessed to the murder - not because he had done it, not because he was tortured (although he was), but because his son had vanished the day after the murder. Now, most Scottish people suspect that James was protecting his son, the real criminal. However, it is said that James told the name of the murderer to one person, who passed it on to the rest of the Stewart clan. Whenever a Stewart grows old, he passes the secret on to his son.

Now, for a more recent anecdote associated with Inverness. . . remember that castle/courthouse I mentioned? Ally is intimately acquainted with the inside. A few years ago, he used to make a little cash on the side by drag racing. He started off with nice expensive cars, then graduated to vans. Yes, vans. He, too, thought it was absurd when the go-between first rang him up and mentioned that rich businessmen would pay him to race vans on the A40. He discovered that a van’s top speed is 87 miles per hour downhill. Now, Ally’s job was to take any traffic citations on his own licence. The rich backers would pay for the van, the insurance, and the false number (licence) plates! The police pulled him over as he went speeding through Inverness. They even caught him on camera. However, “I got off on a technicality - the plates on the van didn’t match the ones on the registration. I said, ‘Yes, I was driving a van in that area on that day, but it couldn’t have been the one they pulled over.’” Somehow, the judge accepted that the police couldn’t prove that Ally had been speeding, since the van in the picture did not match the van he claimed to have been driving. I’m still confused - why didn’t the judge just take the discrepancy as evidence that Ally had been using false plates? I suppose the answer will remain a mystery to all but Ally’s descendents. At least now we know why he drives the tour bus so energetically!

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Comments

[Nzie]

lol!
again, I wish I were in Scotland! Actually, James II was the son of Charles I, who was beheaded (sadly enough, whenever I read Brit His, it becomes apparent that some Scotsmen, like the Campbells, will sell out anybody for some dough-- Charles I got into a spat with Parliament, and the English Civil War (1640-1649-- Cavaliers and Roundheads) only ended when he fled, met up with some Scotsmen who promised help, but then sold him to the Brits for 200£ or so, who beheaded him, and started the Puritan Republic (ewww). Charles II and James II were his sons. It seems both converted, although Charles II kept it private, dying before his deal with the king of Spain to reveal it. James wasn't so discreet, and appointed Catholics to posts. This rather pissed off the Protestants. Also, re Bonnie Prince Charlie-- he was also sold to the Brits by Scotsmen at a later time. :( Oh, and the Loch Lomond song (forgot earlier) is about two Scottish soldiers. They were captured by the Brits, and were really good friends. The Brits decided to let one free, and to execute the other (pretty arbitrarily as is my understanding). The "low road" is basically death/the underworld. I'm surprised you hadn't heard of the song before. There's an Irish song to the same melody- Red is the Rose (less melancholy, as you can imagine). so.. a review of British monarchs-- War of the Roses (Red Rose= York, White Rose = Lancaster) establishes Tudors- Henry VII Henry VIII Edward VI Jane Grey Mary I Elizabeth I Stuarts: James I Charles I ---Commonwealth Period--- Restored Stuart Charles II James II Stuart/Orange William III and Mary II Anne from the Stadtholder of Hanover's line- George's I-IV William IV Victoria etc. http://www.britannia.com/history/h6f.html for more info. :) I particularly suggest reading the names of early English kings.. they're sooo funny.. particularly Egbert and Aethelbald. ~N~