It's getting closer!

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It's absolutely bleeding, red, flaming hot! I've got a bit of a dab on and I'm grumpy! Not even left the country yet, my attempts at acclimatising slowly throughout the summer dissapeared funnily enough with our summer.... it's been pissing it down for the last month but summer is now back with avengence along with the immenent hosepipe ban, we live on a frigging island for christ sake theres loads of water surely! Anyway, yes, hot weather makes me tired, grumpy and generally pissed off, it makes me frown so much I had my first lot of botox last week in the vain hope it might get rid of my frown, did it f*ck! I must be immune. So here in tropical Worksop I'm getting a taste of what the weather is going to be like when I'm away... joy.

It all seemed like a good idea at the time... I mean months ago when the trip was booked bt now it's getting closer although I'm excited I'm also thinking about a few harsh realities that I think may have a major impact on my trip... first of which is the weather which I have covered, secondly... I'm probably the biggest lightweight in the world (ask anyone) and of course I wont want to offend any locals by not sampling the drinks etc que drunken antics, handstands, insults (not on purpose i just get foot in mouth sometimes) and dancing on tables,

(I'm now switching to bullet points as it's easier and I cant quite think what would come after thirdly and fourthly... fithly? sixly? surely not???)

Oooh second thoughts I havent the foggiest how to put bullets and here is an extract from the instructions on this page....
:

Heading

: Bold Text: Italic TextExtended Heading Options;

,

,

- are also available use as above.Aligned headings: syntax;

Heading Text

,

- available for h2, h3 also.

is an Elegant heading.

So sorry guys, you are getting shite spelling, primary school punctuation, plain text... and nooooo bullet ponts DEAL WITH IT

Any hows-

Travel Sickness- I am quite possibly the most travel sick person in the world I cant even get from Worksop to Meadowhall without feeling ill, also I've never been out with anyone that can drive (sad I know) so I've always had to drive myself places. Went on a cruise once... twice actually it was crap was soooooo ill, guess thats what I've got to look forward to with the long bumpy rides in south america, I can hardly control myself, I've got my sick bags ready but am a bit nervous about the travel sickness ettiquette... i mean is there like a code of conduct for being sick on a but on your own in front of a million locals you dont know? Lets suppose I manage to get the sick in said sick bag.... what do you do with the bag? Throw it out the window and risk it hitting someone (i wouldnt like do be that person) or do you keep it on your person untill the bus stops? PRACTICALITIES... What do you do?

Toilets- Same sort of subjest as above... lets say we are on a 12 hr bus journey I've already spewed thrown it out the window hit a local and am already the most hated person on the bus... i now need a wee, no toilets on the bus do I ask if we can stop? Then obviously need to find suitable place to squat... not good. I have purchased a shewee for emergencies which is basically just a hosepipe so if the need ever aises I will write to let you know how I've got on! I'm not even going to broach the subject of number 2's... just wrong.

Camping- I hate camping, well thats a bit unfair to say hate it but my last experience of camping was less than pleasureable to cut a long story short I didnt actually realise I was going camping I think the term 'weekend away' was used to I got all dolled up skirt stillettos etc then we turned up at a camp site in norfolk... it was pissing it down pitch black and we had to try and build a tent in the dark with everyone going 'shhhh we're trying to sleep' grrrrr. So finally get the tent up... then spent a good hour and a half blowing the matress up... no not a foot pump didnt think to bring one of them litterally blow it up. Finally layed down just drifting off when I felt the overwhelming urge to be sick.... dont know where it came from or why but i was ill!!! sat up and was trying to frantically find the zips so i could get out of the tent, my friend woke up and said are you alright? I was clearly not alright... 'are you going to be sick?' I made a noise as if to say yes whilst pointing at the zips meanwhile the pressure was building and building 'what?' he said. It was useless I couldnt keep it down anymore I projectile vomited all over him, the sleeping bags, the inside of the tent, the lot! never right! After the clean up mission he then tried to kiss me...... eughhhhh. So I went and slept in the nice warm car and I made him sleep in the sickie tent ha ha. So me + camping dont mix!

Public transport- Go a thing with public transport hardly ever have i got on a train on my own and even less have i got on a bus on my own. New country, dont speak the lingo and jose trying to steel my bag... great times ahead.

Direction- same subjest ish, got crap sense of direction, dont speak the language- think I'm gonna get lost. I once decided to brave to 30 min walk to work and decided to go down a foot path which I thought was a short cut... 3 hours later i arrived at work with the least plausable but true excuse for being late. Had an experience like that before where I'd had far too much to drink and I was supposed to be setting my friend Aggy's computer up my other friend picked me up but i really needed a wee so went running in to the house slipped in the bathroom and knocked myself unconcious... the people i was with assumed I'd had too much to drink (which granted I had) and left me taking the keys and locking me in. When i came round i went to call them but my battery died, no house phone, no internet, windows locked, no keys, no food! Had to wait 2 days for Aggy to come back off holiday, never have I been more pleased to see anyone in my life.

Well that was a bit of a tangent but hey ho... I'm going to call it a day now and will write soon with some travel related stuff! x

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