Lounging South, Heading South, Feeling like a Total Rookie

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Writing this on the free computer at British Airways Lounge South at Heathrow. Why not call it the South Lounge? (Yes, there is a Lounge North. What do they do to you if you dare to lounge south in the Lounge North? Are you slung out among the travelling hordes, doomed to wander forever dragging your carry-on after you, seeking shelter like an upper-class refugee?) Does the use of the imperative to try and make the joint sound classy represent the irresistible impulse to not merely accommodate passengers, but also to tell them what to do? How many more rhetorical questions can I put in one paragraph? Have I ever told you how I despise writers who overuse rhetorical questions?

But I digress.

On the way to Madrid, several words in praise of airport lounges. Last time we went to New York, we ended up with a seven hour layover (travelling on Points, of course) in Toronto. Fine, we thought. We'll go to one of the restaurants associated with TV chefs, have a nice meal, and relax. Of course, we will pay more but how unreasonable can that be?

Okay, so wasn't that the stupid question of the year?! $15 for a glass of wine which doesn't retail for $15 a bottle, $10 for a beer. PLUS the expensive food. $100 later, we reel out, feeling battered, bruised and ripped off. Two drinks, a burger and 4 spring rolls - ouch.

There appeared to be nothing else in the concourse except other expensive and dubious restaurants, jewelry shops and duty free. Seating borrowed from a bus depot. Around a corner, however, we stumbled across a pay-per-visit lounge. Five hours to go. I can see upholstered armchairs, newspapers, people with drinks and snacks. Right, I said to Susan, time to invest in our future.

I was going to say that it wasn't cheap, but compared to what we were paying to occupy two uncomfortable seats at the restaurant, it was one hell of a bargain! The seats are more comfortable, the washrooms less crowded (and often cleaner), all of the drinks are paid for, and the food - while limited to essentially nibblies and soup - is enough to sustain.

SO - when we were in TO this time, we checked through security and headed for the lounge like homing pigeons. $18 per hour for each of us, suggests the nice young lady at the front, who had seen that our flight was almost two hours away. There is a bit of an honor system as I have never seen anyone check up on the paying guests for that sort of thing.

Okay, so you're saying, why pay $36 when you could have just sat in a restaurant? A. It's more comfortable. B. It appeals to the travel snob in me. C. Unlimited coffee, espresso, lattes, milk, o.j., ice water AND an all-you-can-eat cold breakfast buffet PLUS a couple of hot items - ALL covered by the one price. Think of what you would normally pay for two double espressos, two large milks, two large orange juice, and then food on top of that - well, it's a bargain. Also, a nice selection of the day's newspapers, access to the internet, chargers, etc.

No alcohol since it was before licencing hours so we actually paid under the usual rate. Not a big deal at that time of day (6:45 a.m.) On our way after a pleasant interlude, stoked and ready to stand in line.

Which brings us to today's lesson. Turns out that British Airways business class service to Madrid is only about $200 more per person. IF you're wondering, that's a 3.5 hour flight: equivalent to Edmonton-Toronto.

I note, resentfully, that the flight from Toronto to London is 7 hours, twice the length of London-Madrid. If Air Canada ever offers an equivalent upgrade for a mere $400 RETURN, I will be the first to snap it up. Currently, however, the equivalent upgrade will set you back approximately four thousand dollars. Not TWICE the cost, but TWENTY TIMES more!

Humph, I say! Also gadzooks. If fact, not to put to fine a point on it, "Aroint ye, ye knavish money-grubbing varlets!"

Sorry, it just had to be said.

(By the way, the flight from Toronto to London was absolutely wonderful, even in economy. And to be fair, the airline does an excellent job on the international flights we have been on. The staff were remarkably accommodating and pleasant! Frankly, they do a better job than the other airlines we have been on for similar flights. No, I really mean it!)

Now, where was I? Oh, yes, southfully lounging. Included in the business class is access to the Club Europe lounge, the lowest rank of lounges here in the suite of such things that makes up dear old Lounge S. Presumably the same in Lounge N. Above this on the class scale are at least three other levels including the secretive and exclusive Concorde Lounge ("by invitation only) where the doors are carefully locked and guarded and made of opaque glass so us pretentious wannabe loungers can't peek in and see what it means to be really high-class.

I take this moment to hang my head in suitable humiliation. Okay, that's done.

There is so much free booze here that Susan got confused as to where to go for wine. There are fridges full of beer and wine for the taking, varieties of red wine open and waiting for you and a vast array of hard liquors. Frankly, it is astonishing that more people don't simply guzzle themselves into insensibility. However, the most popular drink, a brief and unscientific survey of those around me reveals, is bottled water. Several people have done what I did (and which I watched the guy across from me do first) and simply help themselves to a bottle of water and a glass and go off quite contented.

In a moment, I shall get myself some lunch, continue charging my poor, overworked Ipad, and give up use of this free terminal and blessedly normal sized-keyboard. Susan has been indulging in white wine and assisting planes take off by watching them with deep fascination. She is now hard at work, testing the other white wine, and staring at the other passengers. it's a tough job, but somebody needs to do it.

Yes, but I can hear some readers crying - those still awake at this point in my ramblings - but what have you done on your trip?

I was getting to that. Eventually.

After our wonderful Friday with Steve and Liz and a beautiful meal at the Greene Oak, we were to meet them at 9 a.m. for breakfast as they were staying at the same b-and-b. I had suggested 8:30 but was voted down. Just as well, as Steve woke us up by tapping at our door at 9. We had slept for nine straight hours!

It was beautiful. We did manage to drag ourselves downstairs in time to have breakfast and had a lovely time with the two of them, as we always do. They left to go visit Liz's sister who lives nearby and we were supposed to grab a noon train for London.

No chance that was going to happen. I made a couple of phone calls to some lovely people at both the railroad and the cab company, and rebooked us for a 3 o'clock trip. Then I went back to sleep.

And to all of you who are saying, "Well, I never sleep that long", I merely point out that I had an absolutely lovely time doing it, I woke up feeling refreshed AND self-indulgent and if that isn't what a vacation is for, then I don't know why anyone would bother.

THEN off to London and Carmen at the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden! That's how to prepare for a Spanish vacation: go see an opera in French at an English venue. What can I say? In my heart I am a pan-European!

Sue and Shirley - more English friends who indulge the hell out of us whenever we managed to drop in on England - met us at the opera house where Sue had arranged for us to have dinner in their restaurant. Coo, lovely! Lobster Newburgh, champagne, pheasant - and dessert was served at our own little table during the interval. The opera was terrific: huge cast, great dancing, horse, donkey, rapelling bandits, sex, passion, death - what more could you ask for?

We said our farewells to Sue and Shirley, actually found a cab available, and headed back for the train station and then to bed. AND had an extra hour to sleep last night! I'd claim it was clever planning but I prefer to save my lies for more important occasions. Let's hear it for serendipity! All together now: HUZZAH!

Last note here before Susan notices I've been neglecting her for you and picks up some handsome pilot or other: today St. Crispin's day and marks the 600th anniversary of the battle of Agincourt where 10,000 British bowmen slaughtered 30,000 French knights: a feat memorialised by Shakespeare in Henry V with one of the most stirring speeches ever written. As I think it is wonderful, I close with the last few lines as I remember them:

But he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

Be he ne'er so vile, this day shall ennoble his condition.

And gentlemen in England now abed

Shall count themselves accurst and hold their manhoods cheap

Whiles any speaks who fought with us -

Upon St. Crispin's day!



Damn, that felt good. Next from Madrid!

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