Nuclear Bunkers

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Today we head to Switzerland, so I put on long pants for the first time since we arrived in Europe. I tell Issy that I'm trying to look like a Swiss banker. From the look she gives me I suspect that I actually look like a Swiss something else that rhymes with banker.

Louis and Lily pick us up from the apartment. On the way to the airport we pass a statue that's apparently a bit notorious in Malta. Louis says that everyone thinks it looks like a giant painted penis. He says that all the locals are very embarrassed by it, and when the Pope came to visit a few years ago they covered it up. They've now planted trees all around it to try to make it a bit harder to see.

We say goodbye to our hosts. They've done a wonderful job of showing us around, and have been incredibly welcoming and hospitable. We're really going to miss them.

Were a bit worried about going to Switzerland. We've Googled the weather and it looks like it'll be cloudy and raining for the whole time were there. It'll also be a lot cooler than it's been in Malta, Italy and Greece. Issy doesn't like cooler and raining. I tell her that if she wants to she can stay here in Malta. The look she gives me suggests I should be pleased we're already on the plane.

I've been reading articles about some of the laws in Switzerland, and I'm worried about at least one of them. Apparently it's illegal for men to go to the toilet standing up after 10pm, because it makes too much noise. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to remember this if I get up in the middle of the night. I wonder if they have cameras in all the toilets so that they can check compliance, and what they do to you if you slip up. And that's not the only slightly curious law here. Apparently every house must have its own nuclear bunker, or at least have access to one. I suppose you can never be too careful. I wonder what they keep in them, and how much of it. Whatever it is I think there would probably need to be a lot of it so that it would last for a long time. I wonder if nuclear bunkers work and how they might go about checking. You're also not allowed to own just one dog; if you own one, you must also own another one to keep the first one company. I wonder what happens when one of the dogs dies. I hope they don't make you kill the other one.

The views from the plane over Sicily, northern Italy and then the Alps are excellent. The amount of snow on the mountains suggests we might need to invest in some gloves. As we fly along we see lots of other planes that seem to be flying just a bit too close to us for comfort. I think I see one of the passengers in one of the other planes wink at Issy. I hope the air traffic controllers haven't all decided to take siestas at the same time.

We arrive in Zurich and board a train to Lucerne. It's a bit cloudy, but not cloudy enough to be raining, and it‘s cooler than we‘ve been used to, but not cold. We’d been told to expect clockwork precision here, and sure enough the train leaves exactly as the clock ticks over to its scheduled departure time of 5.47pm. The views from the train are spectacular. We stop in Zurich and then skirt Lake Zurich and the Zugersee. The rivers all seem to be flowing full and everything‘s very green.

Our Lucerne hotel room is an apartment on the third floor and there aren't any lifts. This is probably a good thing; after all the eating we've done in Malta I think we could do with the exercise. There‘s a double bed, and each side has its own doona, which is a bit novel.

We put jumpers on for the first time since we arrived in Europe, and head to a restaurant by the river. We get a table right by the water’s edge with a great view of the famous Chapel Bridge. The setting‘s idyllic. The bill arrives. This is not idyllic. I remember paying the equivalent of nearly forty Australian dollars for a sandwich at Geneva airport when we had a stop there last year. I also remember reading somewhere that all three major cities in Switzerland (Zurich, Geneva and Bern) are in the top ten on the list of the most expensive cities to live in in the world. I wonder if there‘s a McDonalds in Lucerne.

We rush back to the apartment in just enough time for me to go the toilet standing up before the clock strikes 10pm, yet at 11pm the bell in a nearby church rings with enough noise to wake the dead. I’m sure there must be some logic behind the toilet law but if so it’s escaping us for now.

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