Hostel Hook-up Rules

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That´s right, I said it. As you can see, it didn´t take long for the stories to begin. I was assaulted by one of my roommates last night and it occured to me that there is no literature readily available on hooking up in a hostel. It´s a sensitive topic, so we´ll try and keep it clean and to the point:

1) KEEP IT DOWN - You´re sharing a room with at least 3 other people, if not 11, and they don´t want to hear random gems like "RIGHT THERE", "DON'T STOP" and, of course, "DO ME DIRTY". A little courtesy for your fellow backpackers.

2) LOW CENTER OF GRAVITY - Bottom bunk always beats the top bunk. It´s common sense, you´re lower to the ground, so there´s less rocking, less squeaking (look at rule #1) and it´s much easier to escape when you sober up.

3) NO ROOMMATES - I know, I know... similar to the whole "don´t eat where you sh*t", or whatever. These are people with access to your backpack, ipod, etc. and it´s tough to come up with excuses to not see them after the fact when they´re sleeping right next to you. Backpacker beware.

4) ALREADY HAVE A CONDOM ON YOU - Seems logical, but let me elaborate. If you´re on the top bunk, and your condom is in your backpack or your locker, it can get tricky and you might lose, uh, "momentum" if you have to call a 20-second timeout to go digging for it. To avoid this, Always Be Packing. This is a public service announcement brought to you by 10kJuan.com.

5) DO NOT STAY IN BED AFTERWARDS - The groupies will get on me for this one (no pun intended), but the fact is once you fall into the trap of cuddling, you could be in for 3-4 days of sharing a twin-size bed. I´ve seen it happen. This is not a good thing. I´m still struggling getting used to my Queen size bed after years of King-size zzz´s, the last thing I need is to share a phone booth-sized mat with someone I just exchanged pleasantries with.

6) BUY THEM A SHIRT - Okay, this one only applies to me I suppose, but nothing shows Daddy how much you´ve learned during your semester abroad like an "I´ve been JUAN´D" shirt. And if you´re stressed out about breaking any of the rules above, RELAX, it doubles as a Yoga top. Available in all sizes, admired in Small.

That´s all I can think of for now, but I´m open to suggestions. Ideally, I´d like to have a list of 10, so add any omissions to the comments below.

10k OUT.

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Photos

The key to a safe hostel stay
No roommate fun (doh!).

Low Center of Gravity
Stay low, and hang on tight.

Buy them a Shirt
Last fall's apparel (discontinued).

They never see me coming...
How do you say "blind as f###" in Spanish?