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Published: February 5th 2006
El Teide
Notice the snow capped peaks... We didn't!Matt:
After four months of living in the UK during winter, newly arrived Australians often find that they crave three main things:
1) The feel of warm sand between their toes (for some reason, the muddy flats of the Thames just don’t seem to be enough);
2) The sight of amazing scenery (quaint and cute as it is, Britain’s landscape lacks the wow factor - it’s more ‘oh’ than ‘WHOA!’);
3) A good dose of vitamin D (during winter, the sun literally goes missing for months at a time).
This weekend, Ed and I found the cure to all of these little problems - a four day trip to Tenerife in the Canary Islands, which are a few hundred miles off the west coat of Africa…
Unfortunately, our flights with BA left from Gatwick which is about as far from our place as you can get while still in London. This meant that although we didn’t leave until 2pm in the afternoon, our planned sleep-in was cut prematurely short. In keeping with our new found tradition, despite our late departure we still had to run to catch our flight!
Upon boarding our plane and looking around,
Tourist train to Loro Parque
Yes we caught it; And no, we have no shame... we soon realised that Tenerife is really REALLY popular with young English families - the type that read the Sun newspaper and breed like hamsters! Looking around, we found that we were totally surrounded by two year olds… It was like sitting in a flying crèche - complete with the smell of dirty nappies!
Four hours, one cheap in-flight meal and four miniature bottles of wine later, we arrived having managed to duck and weave the baby vomit…
The first thing that hit us when we stepped off the plane (apart from the clean, baby vomit free air) was how much we miss the heat. Although it hasn’t been that long since we left Oz, it seems like ages since our sweat glands have seen any use… They pretty quickly returned to action (lucky for us - not to mention our cab driver - we haven’t yet adopted the British habit of skipping showers and not wearing deodorant)…!
Our hotel - La Siesta - was located in Playa de la Americas (‘American Beach’), the main resort area located on the south end of the island. The hotel itself was really kewl - pretty much brand new, built
Ed eating...
Hasn't he let himself go? around two enormous lagoon style swimming pools and located close to the beach (ie. ‘La Playa’) and shops (ie. ‘Las Tiendas’ - ain’t my Spanish good? :-)).
Like most hotels in Tenerife, La Siesta offered accommodation and half-board, meaning that breakfast and dinner is included in the daily tariff. This is particularly convenient for the abovementioned British breeders who, once arrive at hotel, don’t like to leave, unless it is to visit a British pub, pick up the Sun newspaper or sizzle on the beach…
By the time we checked in, it was getting late and so Ed and I decided to check out what culinary delights La Siesta had in store for us.
Upon walking into the dining room, we were met by a sea of balding heads, hearing aids, blue rinses and a smell of mothballs. We pretty soon realised that winter at La Siesta was the domain of the English geriatric set! It felt like we had arrived on the combined sets of the Golden Girls and Cocoon. However, although we half expected most of the menu to be made up of a collection of Heinz baby food (out of consideration for the clientele’s
Loro
The only one that would pose for the camera dentures), the food selection was surprisingly normal.
After dinner we headed out to find out what the island had to offer after dark. The town itself reminded us a bit of Surfers, but without the skyscrapers and with twice the sleaze - think of Kings Cross on the Sea! It definitely had character though! :-)
After doing a couple of laps of the town, we ended up nestling into a kewl little place called Buddha Bar, which was just across the road from our hotel. A few hours later, we staggered out and across the road to bed.
The following morning we headed back to Shady Pines Retirement Village (also known as La Siesta’s Dining Room) for a greasy full-English breakfast to soak up our hangovers. The quickest route from our hotel room took us past the resort’s pool, down a few steps and across a tiled patio. Unfortunately, the resort’s pool boy had been hosing the patio that morning and I couldn’t read the helpful sign in Spanish that Ed assures me said ‘Danger - Slippery’. I ended up walking into the dining room with a twisted left ankle and more of a hobble than most
Ed and Loros
Polly wanna cracker? of my fellow guests.
After breakfast, we decided that we’d visit Loro Parque, a massive zoo which sponsors every rubbish bin, bus stop and taxi on the island. The zoo is located on the northern side of Tenerife, around an hour and half by bus from our hotel. While waiting for the bus, we had a look around an Aztec looking building that ended up being a conference centre that was hosting a travel agent’s expo. We soon gained entry by posing as representatives from Harvey World Travel and got away with some showbags and brunch!
Loro Parque (or ‘Parrot Park’) ended up being amazing! Apart from the normal collection of seals, dolphins and crocodiles, the zoo also has a massive collection of penguins which live in the largest freezer in the world, complete with 24 hour snow making machines, synthetic iceberg and sub zero oceans. The penguin collection includes the standard fairy penguins (oh) but also one metre tall emperor penguins (WHOA!)…
That night, feeling in the mood for an injection of Kylie, Madonna and Cher (oh my!), we went in search of Gemini Bar, the sole gay dance club on the island. Unfortunately the bar
was located in the basement of a shopping centre that was in the middle of being demolished and I didn’t see the large (ie. crater-sized) hole in the middle of the footpath. Next thing I knew I was back on the ground with another twisted ankle… Original plans for a boogie were soon scrapped in favour of just plain getting drunk with the eight other patrons…
The following day, we decided to hire the smallest and cheapest car we could and explore the island.
First stop was El Teide, the enormous volcano that dominates the island. At more than 3.7 kilometres high, the volcano is actually regarded as being the tallest peak in Spain and the road up it, although spectacular, at times did not feel safe at all. Thankfully, the road only goes around half way up, with the remaining journey to the peak by a near-vertical cable car.
Now Ed and I regard ourselves as pretty seasoned travellers by now. Apart from running late for flights, we see ourselves as being pretty organised and prepared for most situations. That’s why it was so strange when we found ourselves standing on the icy peak of El
Sardine tank
(a.k.a. Penguin food) Teide surrounded by tourists that were dressed like the Michelin Man in Parkas while we were in t-shirts and shorts. Looking back, you would’ve thought that a trip to the top of a snow capped mountain would have rung cold weather alarm bells, but, hey… Thus to say, our stay at the top of El Teide, which was completely spectacular, was cut prematurely short....
Next on the itinerary was Los Gigantes, a set of huge sheer cliffs that rise vertically out of the ocean. For anyone who has seen the movie ‘The Princes’ Bride’, these were the Cliffs of Insanity… Completely amazing…!
That afternoon, we set out for the tiny little village of Masca which is built on the top of a huge mountain surrounded by a moat like valley which is in turn surrounded by more mountains (are you noticing a common theme here?). The road to Masca (is that a song?) winds its way along the sides of these mountains…
Road is actually the wrong word - footpath is probably a more appropriate description… A footpath used by thousands of sightseers with the odd tour bus thrown in to complicate things. While passing each other
on the laneway, drivers can decide to scrape the wall or each other, or plunge to their deaths - judging from the scrape marks, most choose the former…
That night back and safely back at Playa de la Americas, we headed out to find a bar (are you noticing a second common theme?). We ended up deciding upon a pool hall on the main strip and settled in for a few quiet drinks…
Next, feeling a little merrier, we headed next door to a Karaoke Bar. The bar was packed with locals who pretty soon were lucky enough to witness a stunning performance of Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Will Survive’ by a couple of drunk Aussies… Although the expressions on their faces didn’t show it, we’re sure they were full of appreciation (Ha!)…
Finally we found ourselves back at Gemini’s. Although my two sprained ankles were hurting earlier in the night, for some reason(?) they were now feeling fine and so we managed to catch up on that boogie we’d been cheated out of the night before....
The following morning, we drove up to the north east side of the island and called in at Santa Cruz,
the capital of Tenerife. Santa Cruz is an average enough town, except for the huge performing arts centre built on the water’s edge… Like a white futuristic scorpion, the centre seemed a little out of place in industrial Santa Cruz, but was pretty amazing nonetheless.
Next we headed further north to a town called San Andreas in search of a beach and the feel of warm sand between our toes. We ended up finding a secluded little spot called Las Gaviotas a little way past the main tourist beach and enclosed by sheer cliffs. Like most secluded beaches away from tourists, this one proved to be occupied exclusively by nudists… Not wanting to look like a pervert, Ed immediately stripped off - when in Rome I guess… :-)
Before flying out we headed a little further north to have a late lunch of seafood paella in Puerto de la Cuz - it was totally enormous and totally delicious…
Anywho - hope all is going well back in Oz… Miss you all heaps!
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Nicola
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If he falls, fine. If not, the sword!