Tiresome Texans, The Spork Of Death and Tapas Trauma

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Live train commentary from yesterday:

I write this on the famous Oslo-Bergen scenic train ride. It's not bad. I'd say so far (2 hours into the 7 hour ride) the Glasgow to Mallaig journey is better, but then there have been some nuisance factors on this one. Opposite me are sitting a Texan father and daughter and call me a grouchy old cow but the father is bloody annoying. He has been since he sat down opposite me. He is the champion of stating the obvious and just doesn't stop the string of idiotic comments. The daughter is taking flash photos of the window, usually behind the window there are blurry trees or rocks as her timing is crap. I am concocting a plan. At the next stop I'll tell them the driver always takes a tea break and it's a good place to take a stroll. Hopefully they'll fall for it and hop off only to be stranded. If not a gentle shove should do it.

I've been escaping to the corridor as the racket the train makes is less irritating than Texan discourse.

A couple of hours later:

Ok I take it back. The last hour or so has been stunning. There were even glaciers! The hilarious thing is everybody trying to snatch photos in between the tunnel bits. The Texan daughter has been particularly entertaining on this front as she keeps putting her video camera away then Pa says "just look at that mountain!"  (which he tends to do every other minute) and she fumbles to take out the camera and switch it on by which time we're in the tunnel again. Ha!

With headphones on it's really quite amusing.

Bergen 17th August

I hopped off the train and skipped down the platform before any of the fleets of wheelie suitcases could trundle across my path. It was a good 20 minute walk to my new accommodation. Bergen is quite different from any other city I've been to. Mainly it's the wood-clad buildings which is new for me. Nothing taller than a two storey house except the odd church spire. The air is fresh and smells of sea but not in a rotten haddock way.

On arrival at "Alkoven" I was greeted by an envelope pinned to the door which contained specific instructions:
- retrieve key from key box. To attain the key however you must first perform three tasks to prove yourself worthy: slay the bone-crunching ogre of Hørgelborg with just your plastic spork*, retrieve the ring of fire from the dragons nose and use it to grill some halloumi and finally, perform Grieg's piano concerto under water, one handed on your ukulele.

Needless to say I successfully got the key, with only minor burns and a mouthful of seaweed to suggest any kind of a struggle had taken place. The missive even contained a map of the house and it was lucky because I would never have found my quarters otherwise. Through the kitchen, across the backyard, into the "Rustic" door, up a winding staircase and there it was. Hoozah!

After such a gruelling test of my bravery and inner-strength I was famished and so headed into town. It was raining but I had my cunning little umbrella. The first restaurants I peaked at had either steak or seafood on offer (even whale steak!) and nothing vaguely vegetarian so I found a nice looking Tapas place and entered with delicious thoughts of patatas bravas. Half the tables were free so I sat at a little table. The waiter strode up and hurled some Norwegian at me. I told him I couldn't understand but would love some patatas bravas. He scowled and said that this table was not available and in fact none of the tables were free. My hand was clutching the ogre slaying spork below the table as I was filled with indignant rage. However I thanked him for passing on the helpful information and bade him a fond farewell, replacing the spork in my handbag. Now one of my least favourite things as a lone traveller is dining alone in a restaurant. It makes you feel conspicuously single so I try to keep low to the ground and hide away in shadowy corners. Here I had been publicly humiliated, my friendless state revealed to the entire tapas-eating public. So I felt a tad glum minutes later walking the aisles of the supermarket seeking out comfort food and lonely hearts club beer. However back home I was cheered up when joined in the kitchen by a friendly Australian couple from Melbourne. I was in a mild panic having discovered the kitchen had no oven and with the prospect of having to eat rubbery microwaved pizza. We came up with an ingenious cooking method however, putting the pizza in a frying pan and then putting another frying pan over the top! The result was an excellent crisp pizza which I enjoyed with beer and friendly exchange of travel stories and train journeys. 

So now I'm off to explore Bergen in overcast conditions but with a gladdened heart. I've just made myself the best cup of tea of the trip. 

*a spork is a simple plastic culinary utensil which can act as a spoon knife or fork according to your needs.

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Photos

Train jouney Oslo - Bergen
My first ever view of glaciers!

Train jouney Oslo - Bergen
Close up of glacier

Train jouney Oslo - Bergen
The Texan bravely leaves the train for photo opp.