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Published: October 24th 2008
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Oyster Salute
I wish this was the Galway sushi festival instead Hi, I’m Alive...
Sort of...
...so, I guess it’s been a real long time since I’ve talked to everyone, but in my defense, I’ve discovered music stealing for Mac laptops, Guinness hangovers, HBO’s the Wire, Polish tall cans, and Kangaroo flavored burgers. I haven’t gathered the courage to eat one of those Kangaroo bad boys, but every time I walk by the sign I feel like I’m getting a little closer. Kind of like that first kiss with a new girl or diving into the deep end of the pool for the first time. While I’m not on the subject of anything really, I would like to bring up a good quote from a book that Tara read. Normally I’d take credit and pretend I read the book, but lets be serious, I read once a month and that’s usually during my insomnia spells. My last book that I started to read is about a son and father in a post-apocalyptic world who have to travel across the a zombie filled United States with only two bullets left in their gun. Jesus Christ, I have a bad case of attention deficit disorder.
Though Tara and I are far
Bunny Ears
Apparently the English still haven't gotten over the American Revolution. far far from returning to the U.S. of A. I have already begun to begin my triumphant return. There will be no whimper. So I’ve broken down day one.
Day 1: Homemade breakfast, drinking of 40s, high noon non lethal gun duel tournament, whiskey to follow, tacos night, Easter egg hunt, mini bar crawl. That should just about kill us.
I’d really like to start my own gangsta wall here in Ireland, but I don’t think I have the means to do it. For one, scotch tape isn’t called scotch tape here and the people at the store can’t meet me half way with the language barrier problem and they keep sending me to frozen foods or the candy isle. Secondly our walls still sweat water and are slicker than a slip and slide.
I have started some wall lists on the dry spots on the walls. I’ve started the Simpsons top 20 list, which I have written my top 20 Simpsons episodes. As soon as Tara turns hers in, I will seek Bob, Wyatt, Buddy, Chris Ganz, Matt Regan and Jeremy’s top 20 episodes and whichever 20 appear the most will be the top 20 Simpsons
Beauty and the Beast
But i'm the only one allowed to call her beast episodes of all time. This will be my second day of my triumphant return, where we get super sloppy drunk, bbq steaks in the living twice, and watch all 20 that night.
My second list that I have begun creating is, “Movies Tara Has Never Seen But Needs to See.” So far the list looks like this:
1. Rambo First Blood Part 1
2. Blackhawk Down
3. Casino
4. The Thing (as I write this, we watched it the other night)
The other night we went to a mega event here in Galway called the, “Galway Oyster Festival.” This event is where representatives from 100 countries come to Galway, stand on a stage and see who can crack open oysters the fastest and prettiest, wins cash and title. Unfortunately he doesn’t get to win a free hump session with, “the Pearl,” who is like the Miss America of the oyster festival, except she’s not really all that attractive. But Smurfett from the Smurfs wasn’t all that attractive but there isn’t a damn one of you that didn’t and doesn’t want to bang her. Sometimes being attractive is all about title, how else do you think Steve Buschemi or
Mario
USA!!! USA!!! USA!!! Owen Wilson gets laid?
We met up with some old English dudes, who I became fond of because they bought us rounds of whiskey and Guinness, over and over. I gots a little tore up. The oyster festival kicked off at the King’s Head, where gentlemen compete against each other to see who will represent Ireland. The next day we saw the guy representing the U.S. and he was super Mario’s long lost 3rd brother from San Francisco, better looking but less tall than Luigi. By the time the contest started I was pretty hammered, I know this for sure because I could pee in the urinal next to people like it was no big deal. The contest began and as each round started we were asked to give nicknames to each contestant. Me and Tara just yelled out Simpsons and Disney characters, but all we got out of it was, “Homer,” and a bad rep as the annoying, drunk, loud Americans ruining the subtle Irish people’s good times. Luckily the English are almost as big of assholes as us, so we were annoying in numbers, which means safe from harm and retaliation. Nothing says foreign relations like screaming
The Pearl
Every model features a spray on tan and comes with a tiara in a slurred accent, “Shark Bait or Ralph Wiggam ,” over and over again, with one eye closed.
The highlight of the night would have to be the walk home. We were determined to wake every person sleeping at 2am and when we realized we couldn’t, I decided that the best way to end the night was to streak the last two blocks home. I don’t really remember doing it, but Tara found me in our doorway naked in my socks and shoes shivering and saying, “I so cold,” over and over.
I woke up the next day with a massive stomach hangover, the taste of whiskey in my ears and a feeling that I had a good time last night. Tara turned into her usual drunken Klepto Costello and stole a sweet Guinness and Jameson glass as trophies and proof the night was awesome.
I just realized that I forgot to write about that quote from Tara’s book, but I have hard cider to drink and mac and cheese to consume.
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momo
non-member comment
mac and cheese is always the right thing to do.