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Published: October 20th 2008
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(by Lettie) I am aware that there are times that a friendship or relationship has turmoil that is does not survive intact. I would hope that everyone realizes that what is missed is a "point of connection" not a loss of love or caring for each other. Kim and I, as well as the other girls, agreed that we would consider this journey to be a sacred one that would serve all interests. That said, what is different from past adventures together is that this one is focused on my journey and subject to agreements that benefit me as well as meeting everyone's overall needs. In the moment, I was angry because I perceived Kim was opposing me personally and this being something where Kim and I often depart in our perceptions of what is spiritual work, and what is personal expression. I find no separation and consider all things under the tutelage of Spirit for my benefit and others, and expect to act accordingly. Kim, I sense, had a disagreement with me personally and as a result chose to leave.
In our arrangement, it is understood that to break accord with each other is something to overcome
and resolve. To break accord with Spirit is to the detriment of all and especially the person who does this to themselves. We had an agreement, a spiritual contract with each other to honor the spiritual vision given us. We do not take it lightly, nor do we allow another to leave without concern and sharing of that concern. Though we wished to reconcile our differences through intuitive guidance and resolution, in the end I relinquished my agenda allowing Kim to decide though I felt her choices were moving her outside of the spiritual agreements we had made.
What I honor is that she was upset with me personally and made choices based on that. That said, the rest of us moved on as we were guided to continue our current works and journey together. I think Kim was surprised by this and does not entirely understand why. I believe that when we make decisions that alter our course as well as the course of others, we are accountable for that choice, regardless of our original intention. It is the outcome that ultimately we are held to. I too am held accountable for my reactions and responses no matter what. Again, our disagreement is on who we are accountable to. I hold that all my concerns, i.e., reactions, fears, choices are ultimately between Spirit & myself, that Kim is not the source of my discomfort. And, I believe that I am not the cause of hers, though I may have been a trigger for it. Therefore, I do not leave or break contract because of a disagreement based on my, or another's fear.
I am discussing this here because I wish to honor the love and caring I have for her, the caring I believe she still has for me. I suggest that if disagreements were seen for what they really are: fear of perceived loss, then we would anger less easily, be less concerned with contriving outcomes, and perhaps feel safe enough ourselves to be present to the fears of others.
Kim, I regret allowing my fear to get in the way of loving and nurturing you in the moments of our estrangement. What I really regret is being disconnected from Spirit and not finding another way to deal with my concerns.
In the end, I have opened to know more, to love myself and Kim no less, and to realize the value of this experience as a legitimate measure of my understanding of Spirit as well as my limits.
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