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Published: September 11th 2008
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sunrise
I am the Lord of All Creation Day One
Shelly, smile. I plucked my eyebrows and wolf-man ear hairs this morning. I love Irish tea. I really really love it. I find myself anxiously awaiting teatime, which luckily for me is breakfast, lunch, mid day, dinner and after a futbol match, though I’m hardly taking advantage of this.
I’m already convinced that an Irish smile could charm a person into doing anything, with the exception of the airline hostess Caroline who has the most perfect upper row of teeth and hurricane Katrina teeth on the lower.
My favorite words spoken in an Irish accent; “ok, super, and so good.”
I defeated Tara in Yahtzee, Crazy 8s, Connect Four and Backgammon on the plane. Unfortunately, sadness holds hands with defeat. I yahtzeed once but due to my frugalness, I would not allow Tara to buy me Jameson, as is Banshee tradition when you Yahtzee. Spending $8 on an airplane shot of Jameson just didn’t seem smart. I also rubbed one out in the airplane bathroom in less than 15 seconds…thank you Carrie Underwood.
I am already learning to think before I speak. More for my safety than a long term change of personality. Earlier
tea time
tea time I was going to ask the airline hostess why they speak both Gaelic and Irish in Ireland, but then it occurred to me that in the U.S. we speak a million different languages. Airplanes aren’t built with people’s natural need for sleep in mind more to keep themselves in the air. I won’t complain about my lack of sleep and instead give a golf clap for the plane for keeping me alive. I’d clap louder but it seems everyone else aboard doesn’t share my thoughts on not being able to sleep.
Here’s my first Irish sunrise. It was only slightly better than my first Irish meal, which came in a small aluminum box and with cheese and gravy, simply delicious. That’s right I said airline food was delicious.
“I am the lord of all creation.”
The sunrise from up here is white. The ocean looks so blue and clean. It makes me wish that I could smell the fresh air outside the plane. Even the fleeting thought and guilt of what this plane is doing to the air can’t ruin my moment. A while ago, I was so comfortable in Chico that I drunkenly said
rain
fuck the rain that I wouldn’t be happy if I died tomorrow, but I’d be ok with it. That was the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever said in my entire life. This white sunrise my plane and I are chasing this morning, will always be the constant reminder of how wrong I was. “There’s a joy, a joy in all I can see, a joy, in every possibility.”
Day Two Brian meet Dublin, Dublin Meet Brian
I just got off the plane and it bothers me that this world is obsessed with separating itself from itself. Countries, flags and borders all they really do is impede our ability to get along, live out our dreams and work on fixing our differences. The fact that I can’t stay in this country longer than 2 months, nor can an Irish citizen get a job in the U.S. is simply disgusting and frustrating on so many levels. I think my mood has changed due to the fact that they don’t have jet ways; here you have to run across a tarmac. And to help you understand even more, my jacket is in a suitcase somewhere, I now know I have holes in my shoes
Photo 1
My Guinness straight from the brewery and I’m in an immigration/customs line that doesn’t move, with wet feet. Being wet should be a choice.
All hostels smell like death. I truly believe that there is no hostel in Europe where someone hasn’t died in it. There is also no free Internet in this city. Or at least none that I have found, as I wondered around aimlessly today looking for it. Oh and it hasn’t stopped raining since I’ve been here.
We met up with Tara’s friend Rob who lives in Dublin and some of his friends. I had my first of what would be 7 pints of Guinness at dinner. I cannot compliment the cooks and the cuisine in Ireland enough. Everyone kept asking me what I was going to eat over there and here is my reply; meat, potatoes and gravy and tea. It’s all I eat breakfast lunch and dinner. In between I drink and eat hoola hoop potato chips. These guys can even make vegetables taste good. Last night our host Rob made us sausage and pasta. The food was free and good and I grateful, but I kept thinking someone was going to pop out of a
Photo 2
scumbag Guinness mustache door and yell, “just joking Brian, here’s your gravy and meat plate.” It never happened. 😞 If I stayed here too long I’d be dead in 3 years of some sort of salt related overdose. My delicious meter has new digits and when all the Irish kids we meet say, “you’ll get tired of it,” I just laugh. This new diet plan is what I’ve been dreaming of since the doctor’s thwarted my pre birth suicide attempt and pulled me out of my mother’s belly. Smithwicks, served properly at the banshee in Chico, is by far the tastiest beer on earth here. It’s served just like Guinness, has a creamy had a full/harsh flavor and serves your taste buds up proper. If I had a mistress I’d say her name was salt. If I had two mistresses I’d say the other’s name was Smithwicks. We went out that night, to a very slow and quiet Dublin. Apparently from Friday to Sunday people just get destroyed, but the rest of the week it’s pretty chill unless school is in and currently the college hasn’t started yet. The highlights of the night were me smacking Rob in the face when he had
Photo 3
Please observe the Brelly pride left on the ceiling of the oldest pub in all of Ireland a spider on him, to which he simply thought I was assaulting him. It made me feel quite American, attack first, explain later. He was more upset that I had spilt his pint in the process. I also introduced Rob and his friends to Surfer on Acids. Now they’re obsessed with me finding them more delicious drink combinations. Our first night ended with me stealing a Budweiser from the bar in my pants and drinking it as I watched Dublin go to sleep from my hostel window with Tara. And yes I ate 12 euros worth of Hoola Hoops that night.
Tomorrow on: “Brian’s Life” Sodoku, Guinness Part 2, A Lot of Drinking And Oscar Wilde Set the Tone.
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Funny!
This is Great! I love reading about your trip! Your so funny!!!