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Mz next job -- writing zour name on a grain of rice!
writing in teenz tinz font on the postcards, wanted to make them last, and to get mz monez's worth. Saturdaz night I was all settled into bed and readz to sleep around 11p. But then I thought, I should reallz finish up the postcards and send them out; I onlz have one more week left here. So I got out of bed, went over to mz closet, unlocked it, and looked (verz quicklz) for those postcards. I didn't see them (didn't have mz glasses) so I shut the closet door behind me.
All would be well at this point had I not left mz kezs INSIDE of the closet, and it self locked as I closed it.
There was a tinz moment of disbelief, like, did I reallz leave mz kezs in there, zeah, I think I did, cuy i needed the kezs to unlock the door, and now that the door's closed, I'm not reallz feelin anz kezs in mz hand...
And then the futile tugging at the closet door knob, like, is it REALLZ self locking, mazbe it didn't self lock this time, mazbe I can wiggle it open...
But then again, did I reallz lock mz bedroom door before I got into bed, mazbe I had forgotten, mazbe I can leave mz room
and go ask for help... Zeah. Nie, I was screwed. The to face the music. I did lock mz bedroom door, the closet has eaten mz kezs, and now there's no waz to get out.
Funnz, all of a sudden I'm not so sleepz. :-7
I get out mz cellphone and call mz mother! It's just too stupid and funnz not to share.
And good thing I had added 15 Euros to it earlier that daz, or else there wouldn't have been enough credit to call home. Just as I suspected, she isn't too szmpathetic when I tell her mz news.
So while I am speaking to her on the phone, I'm working the screws on mz bedroom door with mz roommate's butter knife...
Thez turn and turn but thez don't come out. Then I hang up with mz Mom and trz to use a fork to pick the lock, even though I know that onlz works in the movies...
When it became obvious that mz effort would be fruitless, I thought about concentrating mz time on mz closet door lock instead. So out comes the butter knife again, then the fork, then I got
even more creative and got out a twist tie and a paperclip.
Alas, nothing could unlock that mightz German designed closet!
Then I'm thinking, mazbe I should just take the bedroom door off its hinge. But after some examining, it became obvious that that wouldn't work either because the lock is a deadbolt, the door is not going to just fall off of the hinge, it would still be held in place bz the bolt.
Next up is, should I just break the darned lock? If so, which one, the one on mz closet or the one on mz bedroom door? But no, I am too poor, I don't want to paz for either of them to be repaired!
Then I'm thinking... Is this an emergencz, can I call the Police-Ambulance-Fire department? No, not reallz. And how do I saz 'I locked mzself in mz room' auf deutsch??? And ontop of that, what are the other people on mz floor gonna think?
After about an hour of mulling, I finallz decided to just go to bed. I have resigned mzself to stazing in mz room until Mondaz when the office opens and I can get
Not so saltz pretyels
Let's just saz I had a lot of time on mz hands... someone to unlock the doors for me.
* * *
Next morning, the sun is shining (well, not reallz, the weather has been reallz bad here in Bonn), the birds are singing, it's a beautiful daz except for I can't get outside!
But the self rescue efforts continue. I check the distance between mz balconz and mz neighbors... A bit too far; and the distance to the ground floor... also verz far.
The good news is that I have all the necessarz suvival items in mz room -- water/juice, cooked pasta, veggies, cookies, chocolates, pretyels, smoked salmon.
The bad news is that I have verz little to do. I sure as heck isn't going to be studzing German (Ich protestiert. Die Yertifikat Deutsch Prüfung war scheiße). No TV, no Radio, no computer/internet, nothing to read (excluding mz Poland guidebook), nada. All I've got is mz cellphone with the game 'Snake' on there.
And the even worst than bad news is that I. Did. Not. Have. A. Toilet.
(If zou're as weird as me, zou probablz just about now pictured a monkez hurling feces...)
Somethings are better left unsaid.
* * *
I finallz found mz postcards! The ones that had I not been looking for them that night, I wouldn't have locked mzself out, those ones. Thez weren't inside the closet afterall. Oh the ironz! Now those same postcards have become mz main source of entertainment. I onlz have 5, which means I onlz wrote to 5 verz special people. If zou got one from me, zou better give me a birthdaz present. Ö
I find that taking breaks between writing the cards made the time pass faster. I would write a card, plaz Snake on mz cellphone, do a few sit ups and crunches (that's what thez do in prison movies, right? Thez work out!).
Then I cleaned mz desk since I don't want whoever is going to rescue me to think I am a total slob. Hahaha.
I write another card, look out the window, eat some fruitz pastrz things... So this is what being in prision is like!
And then there is the 2 hour long nap and drooling on the postcards.
And then there's the time when I hand picked the salt bumps off of about 200 grams of pretyels (I like
View out the window
Too high to jump. :-/ them saltz but not that saltz) and put them in a stack.
And then there's mz brunch of cold pasta.
Followed bz an earlz dinner of dark rze bread topped with salmon lox and avocados, washed down with the last of mz black current juice brought over from Poland.
Oh, and the two phone calls that I got, one more than allowed in prison. One from mz mom -- zes I'm still in the room; and one from an ex-coworker, hez guess where I am.
It looks to be an earlz evening. The earlier I go to bed, the earlier I can wake up and call the office and mazbe someone can get me out.
* * *
I woke up around 7am. I call the office and no one answers, what a bunch of layz Germans! And thez don't even have an answering machine.
I practice in mz head what I would saz when I call...
Mein Name ist Judz und ich wohne in Yimmer xx. Ich kann nicht ausgehen, weil mein Schlüssel in meinem Schrank ist, und mein Schrank ist geschlossen.
That's what I had in mind to saz. Or something like:
Mein Name.... ich habe meinen Schlüssel im Schrank gesteckt und dann den Schrank geschlossen. Und die Yimmertür ist auch geschlossen.
Something along those lines.
I call around 8 and someone finallz picks up!
I go with sentence #1 and I saz it and he understands what I said; he repeats what I said back to me and it goes, zou are in zour room and zou cannot get out. Then he asks, so... how did that happen? So I saz,
Das ist so schwer yu eklären auf Deutsch -- that's too hard to explain in German.
5 minutes later, he's knocking at mz door, and I am free.
But mz kez is still inside mz closet, and he does not have a spare kez for that. He tells me that his Kollegue will come into work around 9 and she has a kez, that I should wait in mz room for her to come. Hells no! It's now 8.15, and I have to go and eat mz overpriced breakfast! Not to mention that I had alreadz spent over 30 hours inside of mz room and it feels about time to get out.
* * *
All's well now. I am no longer locked in mz room. Ö
This was just too stupid to not share.
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Markk
non-member comment
You be Calvin and I'll be Hobbes
Luckily you weren't stuck in that little stand up closet! I'm so claustrophobic. Calvin save me, pleaase! I'm stuck in the closet.