The late arrival of winter, church and a mission meeting

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After getting through the whole of November and December with barely any snow and rather mild temperatures, I had begun to take less and less seriously the warnings that winter could get very cold here. That was until last week. Last Sunday marked the beginning of what can only be called the late arrival of winter. I woke in the morning to see the ground covered in a thin layer of snow and the sky filled with the threat of more to come. I liked the way it just seemed to creep up on us without warning; not at all like the many winters I spent back home praying and waiting for snow to come and when if it did finally come, it was always rather disappointing.

At breakfast that morning I learnt of the family's inclination to miss church in order to play out in the snow. Listening to them discuss their plans of going for a walk in the snow made me feel completely left out and alone. I may have been tempted to join them but I was taking the Sunday school that morning so had no choice but to go. And unlike Cedric and Laetitia, I do rather enjoy church and desire to go in order to seek God. I know it's hard for them sometimes what with the children and I mustn't judge them but I wonder if God ever meant for children to be such an obstacle in their parents' spiritual journey. As much as I would love to have children one day, the idea of them preventing me from drawing close to God, does rather put me off.

My feelings of detachment and loneliness were heightened when Anais announced rather pointedly that she would only like to go to church if one of her family were going (I didn't count). Cedric's supposedly 'funny' comment that they were abandoning me that morning didn't exactly help either. Sometimes I wonder why God put me with a family. A part of me would much rather live independently, able to do my own thing and not have to live with a family that I often don't feel a part of. But I guess God has it all worked out for the best.

I decided not to wait for the family to get ready before dropping me off at church. I didn't want to risk being late even if it was 'just the worship' that I'd have missed, as Cedric and Laetitia put it. Personally I quite like the worship. Luckily, I managed to get a lift with our neighbour, Josephine who goes to another church in town. I wasn't sure how I'd get back but I figured I could work that out after the service.

On entering church, what must have been the first time since I've been here, I actually had two people wanting me to sit with them. One of them was the German girl, Rebeccas and the other was my English friend, Rachel who had brought along one of the refugee boys for his first French church service. After introducing both friends and ensuring we sat all together, Manuela, the pastor's wife came over and rather than just the ordinary quick kiss and 'ca va?' she said to me in English that I should go round to their's one day, whether or not without an appointment. Wow. Five months after being here and the pastor's family have finally invited me round. But like I said, I mustn't judge. I told her briefly about my plans to stay in France over the summer and how I would really like her help. But she had clearly said all she wanted to say to me that morning and repeated again her suggestion that I come round. We'll see where that goes.

The Sunday school that morning got mainly lead by the other girl, Salome because she had been the one in charge of the books and she hadn't been very good at giving me anything to do. So I listened painfully on as she tried to tell a small group of 6-8 year-olds the story of Abraham, reading from an adult's Bible, a story which she clearly didn't know too well herself. I remembered the instructions I'd been given when doing a Christian kids' club back home about taking out three or four main points from the story - instructions which I will make sure we take on board for next time.

After the service I ended up having to wait around for quite a while in the hope that there would be someone who could give me a lift home. Luckily there were two people from Rimlishof who had come that week and so they offered to take me back with them. Before leaving I mentioned to Emilie, a girl from church who can speak amazing English and loves Jesus Culture, that I was considering staying in France to study at Strasbourg university (she lives in Strasbourg so I thought I might be able to stay with her). When I shared with her the possibility that I might stay in France, the excited scream that erupted from her mouth instantly made me regret saying anything.

As I was leaving, Vincent, the youth leader stopped me and asked if he could talk to me. He could see that I needed to leave so he offered to walk and talk (insignifiant details perhaps...). He told me that some of the youth group were planning on going to the Philippines for a summer mission and would I be interested in joining them? He apologised repeatedly for not having mentioned it sooner to me but I didn't think it mattered too much. It's true that I'm searching for something to do this summer so who knows? Maybe it's that. He invited me to meeting which was to take place right after church so I cancelled my lift and returned to church with him.
As I walked back in he announced excitedly to the rest of the group that I was staying for the meeting, to which the response was a small cheer (authentic I think).

We all headed over to the school where we had a small crepe party before the meeting. I told myself that even if I ended up not going on the mission, it was worth coming just to spend time with the youth. I don't know why but I really like them and with the decision of whether or not to stay in France after this year weighing on my heart, I thought of how much I would love to stay just so I could get to know them better. And I think deep down, I want to find that same acceptance in the group that they all seem to have. I don't want to be considered as the outsider.

For the meeting Vincent had arranged a power point presentation explaining what the mission was about and showing some photos of when he went to the Philippines before. I must admit it all looks very exciting and it would be a great experience but I don't feel it's what God wants me to do, or at least it's not something on my heart right now. God has set France on my heart and it's here that I feel drawn to. France may not be a poor country like the Philippines but people need God just as much.

At the end of the meeting after listening intently, Manuela asked the question that I had been asking myself - is the Philippines the right country? Is it the country that God wants us to go to? I felt a bit sorry for Vincent who seemed to have his heart already set on going to the Philippines but I felt God trying to teach him the same lesson that I learnt not so long ago - sometimes what we want isn't what God wants.

We prayed a bit together as a group and parted on the understanding that we would continue to pray, seeking the face and will of God on this. I know that I certainly want to do His will in all things - it may not be easy but it's always the best.

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