We went through security with no problems, although it always seems a bit like it should be the first challenge on an episode of Survivor. It goes like this. No shoes, laptop out of the bag—cords or electronics in one bin, laptop in another—lose the belt, empty your pockets. The first person through gets an upgrade to first class. I think it’d be awesome. After security, we made our way to the gate and boarded half an hour early. Once we were safely at our cruising altitude, our flight attendants, including the one wearing a strap-on swine snout, began serving us dinner. Our meal, per the menu, included chicken with rice and steamed veggies. In actuality, our fare was slightly less defined. There was chicken. The rice, it seemed, had morphed into a mashed potato-like substance
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