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Published: September 14th 2013
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Mopeds -
The most popular form of transport in South East Asia, this versatile vehicle can easily carry up to 5 members of the family. Larger families can use an additional push bike ridden by older boys if they hold the hand of younger children on the moped. Very small children may require a small plastic chair to be gaffa taped to the bike if the are unable to stand in front of the driver. If distressed, babies are easily comforted by breast feeding. Trailer lengths are restricted only at 5 times the length of the bike and can be used to transport larger items such as bamboo poles or sheets of metal. Smaller items like 1000 litre water tanks, ladders, steel gurders and double beds can be carried on the bike itself. Added stability for items such as mirrors or windows may require a pillion but generally, string or just the driver's left hand is sufficient.
Mini buses -
Most Asians don't travel much and when they do its by moped so travel sickness in smaller spaces is almost certain. If one person on the bus is sick then it appears to be polite for the person next to them to also be sick followed by the person next to them and so on. The process is much like a mexican wave. For efficiency, passengers should hold plastic bags for each other and pass tissues - note, this is not exclusive to people who knew each other before the trip. If plastic bags aren't available then pockets and hoods can be used as an alternative. After illness it is appropriate to eat as much and as soon as possible after, in order to ensure that sickness can continue thorough the journey.
Seating buses -
buses can range from gold and red embellished local bus to air conditioned coach but there is no translation into English for the sliding scale of standards so knowing which type of bus you are on is only possible when you actually see it. Journey times given are estimates only and can vary by up to 3 hours. A typical trip will consist of 2 toilet stops and 1 meal stop but be prepared for these to be 30 minutes from either the start or end of the journey with nothing in the middle. City to city journeys of under 6 hours are considered to be short but there are plenty of ways to pass the time, the most popular of which are cutting toe nails, picking noses, cleaning ears. It is polite to share food and to share enjoyment of food by lip smacking. Noisey food such as rice cakes should be eaten as slowly as possible to elongate the sound.
Sleeper buses -
For a journey of over 12 hours you should expect to use a sleeper bus but do not be fooled by the name - sleeping isn't always possible. Traditionally the journey starts with those on top bunks eating food and sharing with those around them. Full meals can be prepared in you are on top bunk but be sure to sweep crumbs off to those less fortunate below. Pringles are the staple food of this transport as they are the most noisey in every way. If your over 5' tall you will not be able to sleep with your feet in the foot well but putting them on the head of the person in front is acceptable and long hair on girls can be used as a blanket. If the bed is too cluttered with baggage then sleeping in the aisle is possible and its not necessary to move if someone else needs to get past.
Boats - the anything can happen transport
Used throughout Asia for any journeys where water is present and the expense of building roads can be avoided. The Laos equivilant to the M1 UK backbone for example is the Mekong, the Delta in Vietnam is home to 17 million people and floating markets all over SEA are a big contributor to the economy. Boats do tend to be very slow and very unstable with larger people often being asked to change sides for balance (I won't be disclosing how we know this).
Planes -
Airasia is the cheapest way to fly but as with all budget airlines beware of the usual added charges. Our flight to Malaysia went very smoothly with landing to baggage reclaim to immigration and to shuttle bus taking under 20 minutes. Be sure to watch out for out of control baggage... as with pulling trailers, the South East Asian community have a tendency to forget what they have behind them and rucksack related injuries are common.
Trains -
A quick, safe & efficient way to travel if a little more expensive. Generally, the same customs amongst passengers as the sleeper bus apply but a fascilities car is also available. The fascilities car doubles as both the restaurant and smoking area. Monorail travel in KL is called LRT (we assume standing for 'Lap Round Town'😉 is genuinely an impressive network with scrupulously clean stations and trains and it's also very cheap at around 25p per journey. The fact that none of the lines are linked up for connecting journeys is perfect for those not in a rush and keen to get fit since almost every journey will involve a fair bit of walking.
Tuk tuks, Songthaews & Rickshaws -
On arrival in a new place with rucksacks, tuk tuk drivers will always escort you down the street on foot first to check you have a room, transport and plans for the next day. It is possible to address a group to 20 at the same time to decline any of their services but don't expect them stop making offers or talking over you when discussing directions with travel buddies. If you are silly enough to get a map out in front of them then it's game over! Songthaews & Richshaws are less invasive. Prices quoted to tourists start at double the local rate and often are in whichever currency suits them best. Rickshaws are never used by locals which tells you something about the value but Tuk tuks and Songthaews are handy and cheap.
Trucks & Lorries -
At night, none of the above are expected to use lights although indicators are a popular substitute. For a pedestrian waiting to cross a road, flashing lights can mean one of 2 things; either 'go ahead, i'm letting you cross' or 'do not cross, else i'll mow you down'.
Taxis -
Taxis are available in some cities and using a reputable company should mean you have no problems with them though scams are common with independent drivers and smaller companies. Always travel on the meter and don't accept fixed price, it will always be higher (like a remove from listing buy it now offer on eBay - you just wouldn't do it!). Don't be surprised that despite the sign on the side of cabs telling you haggling is illegal, the drivers will try to haggle.
Other Cars & Vans -
Be wary of all car and van drivers, South East Asian driving ability is very questionable with simple manoeuvres being made to look like artic lorry parking. Women do not drive! Transit van drivers are equally notorious over here as the UK and if your lucky enough to ride in one you'll find it much like being in a live version of Mario Cart.
A bit about the roads -
Be aware that markings to divide the road are not to indicate direction of traffic, it is in fact possible to travel on either side. The same applies for roundabouts - either direction is ok. Traffic lights work as follows: green = go, Amber = go, red = go.zebra crossings are purely for decorative purposes, crossing the road is best done holding one hand in the air to mark your intentions and walking at a slow but consistent pace - Mopeds tend to move around you, if your lucky so will the cars. During heavy traffic the outer lane of the highway, otherwise known as the pavement, is often opened up for use. Mopeds in particular tend to travel much faster on pavements than roads so be alert at all times.
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