Srey Nith - The little girl that stole my heart

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My 2nd day at Wat Opot as I walked towards the children having breakfast I noticed this little girl sitting by herself eating a mini packet of chips talking to herself (one of my favourite pastimes..LOL) - as I walked closer to her she looked up and smiled. She had the smile of an angel. She then put her little hand on the space next to her as to say "take a seat" which I kindly accepted. She continued her conversation, occassionally she would tap my leg and ask me to look at what she was pointing at -- at nothing -- then start laughing. She would at times engage in a conversation with me .. i'd speak English and she'd answer in Khmer and vice versa..regardless of the language barrier we knew what we were talking about..... then at times she would continue her conversation with herself. Some people would call this "crazy".. but I find it adorable. Most people dont know this about me, but I too talk to myself occassionally (in private though).. but I dont talk to myself.. i'm in fact talking to GOD or to my Dad. I find it very comforting coz I know that GOD and my Dad are always there for me to talk to.

So after a few minutes of conversing and observing she stood up and reached out her arms as to say "I want a hug"... so I picked her up and gave her a squeeze. From that moment on.. we were inseperable. I fell in love with her instantly. We had some kind of connection, a bond, a very special bond - its hard for me to explain but it would be as close as a mother's bond with their own child. I'm crying inside as I write this coz I miss her so much..

That evening I asked Wayne her story....
The day she came to Wat Opot, about 5 months ago -- her mother just died of HIV. Her Uncle took her and her 2 older sisters to Wat Opot to get them tested. The 2 older sisters were negative and unfortunately Srey Nith was positive. Her Uncle said he would take the other 2 girls but doesnt want Srey Nith as she is sick and can't care for her as he would not be able to afford all the medical treatments she needs. So in the one day Srey Nith lost her mum, found out she was sick, lost her 2 sisters and was abandoned. You can just imagine the grief and confusion she must have been going through. Her first few months at Wat Opot she would always be sad and sit by herself, never playing with the other kids. Until a volunteer came and helped her eventually come out of her shell. Then the volunteer left and just a few weeks later I arrived and she has come out even more from her shell. She still sits alone at times but she now always has a smile, laughing and playing with the other kids.

After knowing her story - I know now.. it is her Mum that she is talking to, it is her Mum that she keeps pointing to, it is her Mum that keeps her smiling. Her Mum is watching over her and Srey Nith finds the comfort in talking to her Mum... just how I feel the comfort in talking to my Dad.

Me & Srey Nith have that in common. I didnt get all the bad news in the one day as she did but within a span of 2 weeks.. not only did I loose my Dad but I found out that he died of HIV, I found out he was sick for a few years and never wanted to tell me due to fear that I will disown him, for fear that I will no longer love him, for fear that I will fear him. Finding out this news distraughted me. I was feeling a whole lot of mixed emotions, angry, sad, confused, I felt Abandoned!!!.. Many weeks, months even, I left the real world and lived in silence and found the comfort through drugs and alcohol. I had no one to talk to, no one for support.. i didnt want to tell anyone..for the same reason my Dad didnt tell me. But now I have the strength to talk about it with all fears elliminated. I want to share my story and reach out and give support to the ones that have the same story as me & Srey Nith. No one should go through this alone!!!

Me & Srey Nith spent every day together. Every after breakfast she would run towards me with her arms wide open asking for a big hug. Then at lunch or dinner she would sit afar from where we ate and would wait until I finished eating and she would again approach me with open arms. We would spend our times together doing some drawings, colouring in books, teaching her how to count in Khmer, tickling her - she loved being tickled, we would play chase, hide & seek, play marbles, I even taught her how to pose in front of the camera (typical Ruth), I also tried teaching her the "Putri" pose and the peace sign, and I even taught her to blow a kiss.... but at most times we would simply just sit down in silence cradling her in my arms while often she would sing.

I would crave for her company even if its just for 5mins. If I dont see her I would go looking for her. I could not sleep without saying Goodnight to her first. She would be the first person I want to see each morning... She made me feel whole, and ... she made me feel so much closer to my Dad, which I have craved for all my life. I so wish I could take her home with me.

Saying Goodbye to Srey Nith was hard... heartbreaking. During my last breakfast, I was looking for her but couldnt find her. Then a few minutes after I see her little head pop out from one of the chairs out near the volleyball court. She turned to me and gave me that angelic smile. I walked over to her.. she stood up with arms wide open... i gave her a huge hug and many kisses. She hugged me back so tightly.. more tightly then ever. She then turned my head to where she was pointing --- to her Mum --- she then said something and let out a huge laugh... she gave me a last hug and said "Bye Bye".... I have never heard her speak English.. and the first time I heard her speak English.. she said "Bye Bye"... She somehow new I was leaving... Her mum told her...
After saying those words she let go of my grip and sat back down and smiled at me. That was my cue to go.... as I walked away I looked back and she was looking back too... I blew her a kiss and she returned the favour.. then turned away. I held back my tears as I continued walking.

Though its sad to leave... sad to leave to her.. but I know she'll be okay. There will be many more volunteers that will come her way to give her the time and all the hugs she needs.

She has changed meHer strength, her smile, her laugh, her love has infected me.

I long for the day til I see her again. I wish her good health, happiness and many more laughs & conversations with her mum.

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Comments

[Mele]

Beautiful
Hey georgous! This entry was very very touching and it moved me to tears. I very uch pray every health and happiness for your beautiful Srey Nith! Its very inspiring to read you blog and i praise how truly courageous you are to go out and live your dreams! Your incredibly lucky to have had such experiences! What's more, through you story i've learned something about you that i hadn't known before. I really wish for you many many more wonderful experiences like this and hope that you'll continue to share them with those of us lucky enough to know you and have access to your blogs! Hope to see you at our next Auburn Girls reunion - whenever that may be! hehehe Much luv Mele Haangana

[Andy]

I loved reading your story
I've been fortunate to visit Wat Opot many times, and that will continue because I'm moving to Phnom Penh this summer. ;) Your story reminds me of one of my visits when I spent a lot of time with Kunthy. When it was time to go, I went looking for her. I saw her in the little school room, looking busy, so I turned to leave without bothering her. As I walked away, I heard my name cried out through the window. I walked over and she was there, saying nothing but smiling so brightly. I was with a group, so it was all I could do not to cry all the way back to the city. I vowed that day I'd be there for her if needed whenever. I was really touched by the way you're coming to terms with your father and his death. I pray you'll continue that journey to the end and find peace with him and with God. I also love Srey Nith's smile, by the way. I was there in Dec, Feb, and March, so I've seen it quite a bit. I've often stopped with her for a moment, but I've never spent so much time with her. Next time, I'll be reminded of your story and take a walk with her one day for you. Maybe we'll meet in Cambodia some day.

[Jo C]

Your amazing!!
Hi Ruth! Just had a chance to read her story now and she is absolutely adorable. Her smile just melts my heart and her big eyes reminds me of Rinoa's. I could not help but get teary because you are right no one should go through life feeling alone and abandoned. I believe its the most horrible thing to experience. To feel alone, scared and no one to turn to especially at such early age. God Bless you CHong for knowing what unconditional love is and for sharing that. Not everyone knows what it is or even how to act on it. Keep up the good work. I am so proud of you. Not sure if I ever told you this but I've always admire you, your compassion, dedication, passion and love for life. You've never cease to inspire me.. Love ya!