It's Raining Men....

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This blog started life as a photo-blog - 'Faces of Jamnagar' - was to be it's title. After a short while it became evident that all the photos were of men. This gave rise to several questions - many as yet unanswered - and the blog became something quite different.

Men are highly visible in India. It's disturbing - not threatening - but somehow unnatural to see so many men on the street at any given time. Men own, manage, and run guesthouses. They wait in restaurants, are auto rickshaw drivers, and shopkeepers are almost exclusively male. They hang out on street corners, linger at 'chai' stalls, and roam in small groups, four or five strong.

Women wander the streets, but they move with purpose. They are less approachable - they shop - for fresh produce at markets, or milk from milk farmers, or for saris and bangles. They are often accompanied by children. They are nearly always active. Like men, women carry out hard physical work - in the fields, on building sites, or at roadworks. The professions are still male dominated. Women are making some in-roads, but in a culture so mired in tradition, change will only occur slowly - if at all.

Family lies at the heart of Indian society. For most Indians the idea of being unmarried and without children by their mid-thirties is unthinkable. After 'where are you from/which country'? the question we are most often asked is 'are you married'? - followed by 'do you have children'? For simplicity's sake we answer 'yes', and that we have two daughters. Often people then ask if they are married or have boyfriends. Once I made the mistake of saying I didn't know if they were dating. A shocked 'but you are their mother - you must ask - it's your duty' was the reply.

Segregation between the sexes at social functions remains common. Recently we were invited to a group's spiritual celebration in Dwarka. Women entered the area after the men. The men sat on chairs, the women on the ground. The men were offered refreshment, the women were not. Men and women danced separately. As at the wedding, I was an honorary man, and was asked to join in the male group. I wonder what women feel when they see this happening. Do they wish for more freedom, more choice in life?

Males are usually the breadwinners and head of the household. It's still the norm for a wife to live with her husband's family once married and to fulfill tasks/duties outlined by her mother-in-law. A middle class woman is more likely to be given an education than a girl from a poor family (although boys are more likely to be educated than girls. Literacy rate: 53.7% women - 75.3% men. 2001 census). But a woman from any class, once married, will be expected to be a housewife above all else. If a woman fails to meet expectations - even if this is producing a male child - consequences can be terrible. Data available from the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) show that dowry deaths - (the practice of bride burning in which women are doused with petrol and set alight by their husbands or members of their husband's family) increased by 15% in 2007 (the year for which latest figures are available). According to statistics a married woman is beaten, or burnt to death, or harrassed to the point of suicide every six hours in India. NCRB figures show that crimes of cruelty by husband and relatives rose by 14% in 2007.

In October 2006, the Indian government passed a law giving women who suffer domestic violence increased protection and rights. Many women however, remain oblivious of these developments and still many more will be too afraid to act on them since alienation may be a result of speaking out. Divorcees are considered outcasts amongst society - even a woman's own family will often turn it's back on a woman who divorces. Divorce rates in India are among the world's lowest, although the number of divorces is increasing (it's thought by 15% a year - most of the increase taking place in cities). In 2004 (no reliable figures available after this date) the rate was 11 divorces in every one thousand marriages.

Undoubtedly there is much to be done to better the lot of many women in India. But it would be too easy to assume that all women are downtrodden, second class citizens. Women may wield more power in the family than an outsider can fathom. And the question remains - what do Indian women themselves consider to be emancipation? They pity western women with the freedom to divorce, because they believe that divorce leads to loneliness, without the love of family and children.

The lone Indian male I've spoken to on this subject, pointed out that there is still a lot to be achieved regarding female emancipation in the west. Also true. I can only say that as a woman lucky enough to have the freedom to travel and to follow my heart, I wish the same for all women - whether this be freedom to marry and raise a family, or to follow a profession or education. For many, this seems to be lacking at the moment in India.

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Comments

[astrid]

women and men
What would it do and mean to an indian woman, who gets beaten or harrassed, to hear and understand that it is possible (eventhough it's in another country) to divorce your husband and be in loving support and respect of your family. Where to begin, I wonder... The freedom to be who you are and want to be. To do what is in your heart. I guess there are men who don't feel happy with the role society expects from them too. This is an important theme for men and women in the west, but when I read sometihing like this, I realise with a shock what a difference there is. Women BURNT to death...in this day and age! My god.