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Published: June 25th 2007
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Hello all,
Come on now, did you really think my blog title would be anything else ?? Its all I've heard since I got here.
Yes, I am in the city of Hanoi and I will expand on that shortly but first I need to fill you in on my time in Luang Prabang and the journey from hell to get here.
On my first day in LP I got up at the very reasonable hour of 11:00am and after yet another french baguette breakfast I took a minibus out to a national park where I spent a very nice couple of hours swimming in waterfalls and swimming holes. The water was very cold but it was sooooo refreshing to get away from the heat for a while. On the way back we stopped at a local village where all the kids were trying to sell us wrist bands and the only English they knew was "Buy from me, 2000 kip" which they all chanted in chorus. I didn't buy, but I did buy a bag of lollies which I tipped onto a table and they swarmed like seagulls around a chip. After that they didn't try
to sell me anything so I think it had been agreed that I'd done my bit for them and my place in heaven was guaranteed.
The next day I did a two hour elephant ride followed by another 5 hour kayak trip. I wasn't too excited about the elephant ride as I thought it would be a bit tacky but in fact it was good fun and the scenery was great. We did the forest/rain forest and also went through a river. The place the elephants live at is actually a rescue centre where the elephants have been rescued from logging companies and the tourist rides help pay for their upkeep. I made a point of checking this out as I didn't want to be party to making money for the handlers at the expense of the animals. And a deluxe place in heaven was then reserved for me......
The afternoon consisted of another 20km kayak trip, but this time there were no rope swings or bars along the river, only hundreds of water buffalo. They would be submerged in the shallow sides of the river with only their nose, ears and eyes on view. You cannot blame
them, the sky was clear and it must have been 35c. I was already the most tanned I think I have ever been but I put on the sunblock a couple of times and am pleased to say that I survived the day without a single bit of sunburn. The rapids were also a bit more exciting on this river ( The Nam Khan ) which didn't cause me any problems ( coz I was sharing my kayak with the guide ) but the kayak behind us flipped twice.
To anyone thinking of going to LP, I have to say its quite a lot of effort for little gain if you have already been to Vientiane and Vang Vieng. LP is basically a mix of the two, the bars close by midnight and the day activities all revolve around the river. My reason for going was that it was somewhere I hadn't been and I thought it would be a good way to move into Vietnam. However further enquiries showed that there are only 3 ways to leave LP for Hanoi. You can fly ( US$133 ), go by bus which requires 2 night stops and so takes 3
days or go by bus to Vientiane and then onto Hanoi which takes 37 hours and costs US$40. I chose the latter. Oh, what a trip 😊 The first bus takes 9 hours and I was treated to local 'entertainment' on the onboard tv. This consisted of 3 things, A) Lao video hits with wailing voices and men that sound just like the wimin, B) A movie filmed in Thailand and Sydney where the bad guys steal the heros elephant ??? in Thailand and take it to a restaurant in Sydney where they plan to serve it up as a delicassy. The movie didn't really explain how they got a live elephant through customs and into a restaurant without anyone knowing but I suspect it wasn't through vaginal insertion. Anyway why let such details get in the way of such a good plotline. Entertainment C) was a Lao 'comedy' which great gags such as 'a man with a toothache gets his friends to tie one end of some string onto his tooth and the other end onto a piece of wood. The friends then throw the wood up into the air and this of course sends the man flying into
the ceiling space of the house. The next shot is of his legs waggling wildly from the ceiling'. Such gems of comedy have to be accompanied by a penny whistle and a boing noise', its was very early 'Carry On'. So hilarious, at least to the Laos on the bus, but for the rest of us - cringy.
After a one hour wait in Vientiane it was time to hit the next bus. The bus driver must have just finished watching Sandra Bullock in Speed because that bus wasn't slowing for anything. There was a huge airhorn on the roof which he used constantly, the aircon was broken, the seats were made of vinyl/plastic which due to the constant sweating I'd been doing all day meant every single movement involved peeling myself from the seat first. Add to this that the bus doubles as a truck and they had loaded huge boxes of salt into every footwell. They must have expected us to be happy having our knees around our ears but of course we weren't so me and 'the boys' set about shifting them all to the back of the bus which I don't think the driver was too happy about but tough shit. The bus got us to the Vietnam border at 2:15am which means you then have to wait until it opens at 7:00am before you can cross. So a few sweaty hours sleep on the sticky seats were then had. It then took over 2 hours to get across the border. Despite having a visa already there were 3 extra fees that were payable. I had expected it as it was the same going into Laos but it really does shit me when you pay all that money for a visa, only to get hit with silly extras. Some people needed to be bailed out as they simply didn't have any cash or had the wrong currency for the particular fee. The guards also then fully searched our bus with torches, checking under the seats and so on, yet they really didn't look too hard at the salt which could have been anything.
Anyway eventually I reached Hanoi, knackered, stinking, tired, hungry etc. However I have found a great guesthouse with all the comforts and Hanoi has really impressed me in the two days I've been here. Its madder than Bangkok ( which I didn't think was possible ) with literally 10's of thousands of motorscooters screaming and beeping their way around. The pavements are used for parking and shop fronts so its back to walking on the road with all the bikes coming at you from every direction. The people I've met so far have been great and of course everything is cheap ( large beer for 65 cents ). Im in an area refered too as the 'old quarter'. This is Hanoi at its oldest best and the streets look straight out of the Vietnam war movies when you see soldiers on rec leave. They are very narrow, lined with trees and buzzing with vehicles, traders, people carrying huge loads on bamboo poles, tuk tuk drivers etc etc.
Anyway that all for now. Im here for another couple of days and then its off to Halong Bay. I plan to spend about 3 days on a junk sailing around the islands and sleeping on the boat so there won't be any more blogs for a while.
By the way, for the animal lovers out there, the elephant in the movie got rescued.
Bye all
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Terry
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Witty Once More
Hey Brett, Once again enjoyed your reparte on your holiday antics. Keep the blogs coming :)