Thai Massage....

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Ok let's talk Thai Massage. Available at every other shop you walk past down every street, a 'must do' when visiting Thailand. I've had two Thai massages so far, so I feel I am eligible to give my two cents about them, and also share my experience.

Like I said, they're available EVERYWHERE, little Thai ladies shouting "Massage, Massage, you want Massage" as you walk past, trying to lure you in. It's well known that in certain establishments your Massage will finish with a 'happy ending' so some Massage shops find it necessary to advertise in their window 'No Sex here' - just so you don't accidentally whip your dick out in the wrong place! In Koh Lanta we gave in and went to experience what they had to offer, and by that I explicitly mean a massage!!

The first time we had head massages - when I asked for this I envisaged the amazing type of head massages you get when you go to the hairdressers and they wash your hair... yeah you know what I mean, well that is not what I got. Instead it felt like what I imagine alien brain probing would feel like, fingers pushing and pulsing so hard I thought my eyes were going to pop out of their sockets, she even pulled my neck so hard I thought she was going to pull my head right off! After that my first thought was if they're this rough giving a head massage, what must they do to get that happy ending #prayforthepenis

On the second turn, I'll be honest from the very beginning I felt slightly violated. I ain't that guy that is happy to go nude in front of other women, it makes me uncomfortable, so when I walked into the room and was asked to take off all my clothes, without I might add being given a stitch of cloth to cover my modesty, I weren't happy! I took off my shorts and top and stood there looking at this women as if to say, so we're really doing this.... she's starring at me, just waiting for me to take off my bra and knicks, it's like an intense game of chicken, whose going to give in first. Well it was me, I took off my bra but stood my ground and said "I am not taking off my pants" she rolled her eyes and THEN got me a robe! I laid down and started to enjoy my massage, starting with my back, la la la enjoying my massage - oh wait what's that, a pair of tits sitting on my head?! Like a Sunday best hat I had a pair of tits resting themselves on my head. Eventually she turned me over and started massaging my legs.

It's all going fine until I notice she is getting higher and higher up my leg, and that's when it happened, she brushed my vagina, now you could be forgiven for thinking it was an accident, had it just happened once... but it didn't, time and time again she rubbed up my leg and brushed my vagina! I looked at her as if to say 'What the F man, that's not cool", but she didn't make eye contact with me and I am too much of a pussy to say anything out loud, so it continued and then happened again on the other leg.

She finished off by massaging my chest, allowing me to keep a shred of dignity this time she massaged my boobs with a towel over them. Thanks. For some strange reason she stuck her fingers in my ear holes and that was it, it was over.

So there you have it, my Thai massage experience, I'll be sure to update should I be brave enough to have another one...

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