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Asia » Thailand » North-East Thailand » Nong Khai
October 18th 2012
Published: October 18th 2012
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I had a beautiful day today. I can't explain it better than by saying I just know I'm in the right place.

Today was a long one. As with the other mornings, I had a hard time waking up, and an even harder time staying awake during the morning session.

We opened class as usual, sitting in a circle with our left palms facing upwards and right palms facing down, hands adjoined, knees all but barely touching. Pancho went into detailed lecture on the Trikonasana poses of the sequence. I have to admit, I fought to stay awake, HARD. Thank goodness for note taking. I was so relieved (as always) when we finally got into the asana practice. Finally, a chance to move my body and wake up.

The asana sequence feels so easy to me. I barely break a sweat, and it feels shorter than usual. It's probably because I'm used to power yoga, where you sweat through your clothes and work your muscles so hard you're sore for days. Still, we touch all parts of the body, and I am definitely being challenged. I'm braving the back bending poses, which I've pretty much avoided all five years I've practiced yoga. I'm paying for it a bit--I know that I avoided it with good reason. So terribly sensitive and weak and downright painful. Pancho has taught us a lot about our avoidance patterns, however, in every realm…physical, spiritual, and mental. For whatever reason I'm in a place where I'm so open, ready, and willing to face whatever I need to for growth and healing, no matter how uncomfortable. Something shifted in me this year and I've come to realize that a very, very small percentage of the things I avoid will actually harm or kill me…they are merely uncomfortable, and discomfort passes. A comforting truth, as it were.

I'm also feeling quite lazy. I don't know what it's about really but I'm going with it. I could be working out on the four hour breaks between morning and afternoon session, or being productive somehow, or sightseeing maybe, but ever since I left Chiang Mai and got on the bus to come here I've been slow and spacey, content to lay around. Anyways, I took it easy, had some lunch, went to the post office, relaxed.

Meditation from 2:00-2:50 was way better than yesterday's. Yesterday I was miserable, I think I spent half the time thinking about how much I hated it. I knew as I continued practicing it would get better. Today was really good. I don't think I'm so much in the school of thought of meditating to empty the mind. I experience so much contentment and joy when meditating in a more spiritual sense, connecting and communicating with greater energy, than I do when trying to focus my mind on a single point. Maybe that will change someday, but today was awesome. One of the best things about yoga and meditation is no one says there's only one way to do it right.

After an hour of meditation we had a three hour lecture on the mind/mental realm and meditation. Intense. A lot of food for thought, and a lot of abstract concepts. So much of it makes sense though…it's hard to believe that this was all written over 2,000 years ago. I still think that most theories and frameworks for understanding the human mind and all its discontentments are all basically saying the same thing.

Beatrix came in, skin glowing as usual, for Pranayama (breathing) practice. We started with Breath of Fire again, then did Alternate Nostril Breathing. I realized that my first yoga teacher at BU was actually awesome, she taught me so much in one semester. I'm surprised by how much I know about this stuff in general. I didn't realize I've been into yoga/healing/meditation/etc for nearly six years.

So, the afternoon was one hour meditation, three hours lecture, one hour pranayama, and one hour of asana practice. Intense, but so good. My mind feels light and clear. It feels like a clean house in there, maybe not squeaky squeaky brand new clean, but definitely fresh and open and airy. My body is opening up and I feel so calm. We sit in the garden after class and eat food from the guesthouse restaurant, it feels so much more fresh than the other Thai food I've had. All of this, not just the food, is just absolutely delicious. I know that I am in the right place, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

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