Bangkok

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I flew into Bangkok on December 17. Why do I remember the date so vividly, you may ask? Why, only because it was the PREMIERE OF STAR WARS IN THAILAND. Sylvan and I had booked accommodation back in Vietnam, and he was supposed to arrive around 2:00. I arrived in the morning and took a taxi to the guesthouse, which was run by a really sweet Thai woman named Joy (aww). I set down my bag and then got to my first priority: finding the nearest cinema. Thankfully, it was only two stops away on the sky train, so I went and got tickets for the 4:10 showing so that it would give Sylvan a little lee-way, should his bus be late. I got some Thai noodles for really cheap at a very sketchy restaurant (as I do) and then went back to the hostel to wait for Sylvan. 2:00...3:00...3:30...shoot. No sign, and no way to get in contact. I wrote a note that said something along the lines of, “going to the cinema to try to change tickets. If it works, I'll be back. If it doesn't, the ticket is waiting for you behind the counter. Here's how to get there.” I left at 3:45 and walked to the sky train station where I ran into him! I grabbed his arm and said, “turn around! Star Wars!” He looked at his bag quizzically, but I said, “no time! STAR WARS!”

Anyway, the movie was amazing and then I came back and couldn't talk about it with anyone because it was premiering everywhere else the next day.

That night, Sylvan and I went to the Patpong night market, which is sort of the red light district of Bangkok. It was similar to every other night market in Southeast Asia except for way more dildos. There were also loads of bars with ladyboys standing outside and men trying to sell you ping pong shows and various sex shows. We got some street food, walked around for a bit, and went back to the guest house.

The next day we walked to Chinatown. We took a bus going the wrong way, but they didn't charge us, so then we got off and took a bus going the right way. Then we got on a ferry for about 20 cents, and that took us across the river. We got off and some guy pointed in the direction of Chinatown. We sort or realized we had arrived when we found ourselves in a mostly-covered market packed in a huge crowd with loads of stores on either side of us. We could barely move for all the people, and the market was a huge maze. When we found our way out, we got some street food and walked around the back streets a bit, which were much quieter. Sylvan had heard of a temple around the area, so we went there and saw a 5.5-ton solid gold Buddha. During some invasion (sorry), the Thai people coated this Buddha in plaster so that the invaders wouldn't steal it. It was just thought to be coated in plaster until it was being moved some amount of years ago and the crane broke it and BOOM, solid gold. It was super shiny and beautiful.

We went back to the hostel and took the sky train forever to an AirBnB that Sylvan would be sharing with his parents the next day. When we got off the sky train, we tried using the directions the guy had given Sylvan but got hopelessly lost, so we got a cab, which also got hopelessly lost, but we eventually found the place and settled in (free room!). For dinner that night we went to a restaurant right near the apartment and had some delicious cashew chicken and rice.

The next morning, Sylvan stayed in the apartment to meet his parents, and I went back to the city center. I dropped off my bags at the guesthouse. I had booked a train that night (upper bunk is cheaper!) to Surratthani, so I had a day to kill. I decided to go to Wat Pho, which is a palace with the giant reclining Buddha. After hanging out at the guesthouse for a while and letting things charge, I mostly walked to the palace, but it was really far away, so I got a tuk-tuk. The driver was really nice and negotiating it was fun (no meters in tuk-tuks). He took me to the temple, which was unbelievably beautiful. The giant reclining Buddha was just that—GIANT. And reclining. Also Buddha. The rest of the temple was full of spires. Spires that rose from the roofs of small temples and some that were placed on the ground. Everything was mosaiced and sparkled with bits of glass. Exploring the windows of one temple, I found a cat nursing her kittens on a windowsill.

I left Wat Pho with enough time to get my stuff, get snacks (priorities), and get to the train station.

(break for two weeks on the islands. See “The Islands Of Thailand” entries.)

I thought I was being so smart when I got the option of two buses from Koh Tao and took the one that arrived in Bangkok at 5:30am rather than 12:30am. 5:30am? Perfect! That means I don't have to book a hostel! But then the ferry was two hours late, so when we got off the boat, we all got on buses that left at 7:30. I took my Valium (fave) and was awoken abruptly (it's always freaking abrupt) by a guy screaming, “BANGKOK. BANGKOK. LAST STOP.” over and over and over again. At 2:00am. We very quickly gathered up our stuff and got off the bus only to be assaulted by cab drivers. “Taxi! Taxi! Where you go?” It took everything I had not to snap at them, “it's 2:00! Be home with your families! Go away!” I got my bag, turned on my phone, figured out I could walk to the hostel, and set off.

This hostel was only a half mile from wherever the bus dropped us (definitely not a bus station) near Khao San road, which is the backpacker area of Bangkok. I arrived at the hostel at 2:30am and pleaded for a bed. “I'm so sorry. My bus arrived 3 HOURS EARLY. Is there a place I can sleep?” “No, sorry, full tonight.” But the lobby had mats and looked so inviting, so I asked if I could sleep there. “Ok, but you pay.” Fine. He led me to a mat on a balcony overlooking the lobby where I plugged in my phone and passed out until about 8:30. When I woke up, there was a girl sleeping on the mats next to me. We met, and her name was Tara and she was from Vancouver. We quickly became friends. She had been on the same bus but had spent a lot of time at McDonalds buying things to use the internet before she gave in and came to the hostel to sleep. Once I had properly awoken, I spent a lot of the day on my computer blogging and procrastinating blogging. I bought my train ticket to Chiang Mai for the next night (no beds. Boo) and bought a new little notebook. When I got back, Tara and I decided to walk around and shop because she was going home in a few days and wanted to buy gifts for friends and family. On the way to Khao San road, we stopped at our sister hostel and met the woman who owned both and was a travel agent. She got us really cheap tickets to a ladyboy show for that night, and then I asked her about northern Thailand. She basically made me a whole 10-day itinerary including a jungle trek, a trip to Pai, and a package for Laos. She told me for everything it would be $200. I told her I'd think about it and come back the next day. Tara and I had a blast shopping. I helped her bargain, and bought myself some beats earbuds for cheap (knockoffs, but still really good quality). We dropped our stuff back off at the hostel, grabbed beers, and headed to the pier to make our way to the ladyboy show. We took the boat all the way down the river and then got off and tried to find the mall where the ladyboy show was. Turns out there was another boat, which we got on. We arrived just in time to order our drinks (included) and when our drinks came, the show started.

This was...what I imagine Vegas is like. We had paid 600 baht each (less than $20) for a 900-1200 baht show. It was THE BEST. The production value was incredible. They started with the Peter Gallagher version of “Luck Be A Lady” (sad or impressive that I know that?) They moved on to other amazing songs with loads of costume changes in between. Elaborate all around. THEN BEYONCE CAME ON and she did a whole medley including Single Ladies, and she was PERFECT. Lady Gaga sang a medley from The Sound Of Music, and Julie Andrews came out afterwards to congratulate her. There was a Chinese song, a Japanese song, a Korean song, and a Russian song. Just hitting every major demographic in their audience. It was the best thing I did in Bangkok.

After the ladyboy show, Tara and I went to the Patpong market and decided to see a ping pong show because you sort of have to in Bangkok (if you want to know what it is, don't look it up. Remain ignorant).

So here's the story of how I got scammed in Thailand (everyone's gotta have one!):

We struck a deal with one of the men soliciting people to come into pingpong shows. He eventually agreed on 100 baht for a drink and one show. He brought us up to the bar where we ordered beers from him. We re-ordered them from a woman who came over and she brought them. The show began. After one show, I went up to the bar to pay. The woman said, “you pay after.” I went back to Tara and said, “I don't like this. We need to go NOW.” We went to the bar to leave and the bartender directed us to the “mama:” a short, fat, middle-aged, angry Thai woman. By this time we had accidentally stayed for 2 shows (only about 5 minutes each). She gave us the bill. 3500 BAHT. That is $100. I had read about this. She was charging us 300 baht for each beer and the rest for the two shows. She showed us a price list. We started arguing that we had made a deal with the man outside. “What man? What man? No man!” That's how they getcha. He absolutely gets a cut too. So then she's standing up and screaming (I still tower over her) and picking up her phone and threatening to call the mafia. A stripper comes over to “play good cop,” saying, “just pay her. The mafia gonna come and take everything. Just pay, just pay.” I played poor dumb tourist and we just keep looking at this woman in disbelief as she SCREAMS at us going, “we don't have that much money.” So then I make her calm down by using my calm teacher voice, and we start bargaining. I got it down to 1500 baht, which is about $20 each. Better than $50. Thoroughly annoyed, we got a cab and went back to the hostel.

The next morning, I got up and met Tara in the lobby. I was finishing up a blog post, and she was trying to figure out her flight. I procrastinated some more and also tried to help her figure out her flight. She had gone through a travel agent and had the flight information but no ticket number. She wanted to make sure her flight to Shanghai was leaving on time because she hadn't been receiving all her emails. I started using flight-tracker websites while she called the airline and airport and everything she could. What we found was that the airlines and airports were useless, and there was a flight that evening at 7:30 and then nothing for 4 days. Rather that come to the palace with me, she had to go to the airport and figure it out (thank goodness she did because they put her on a flight at 5:30 that night).

I went to breakfast and got a really good thick pancake. Then I met with the travel agent and booked only the 3-day trek and trip to Laos. It was less than $200 to do that and book the other stuff on my own (thanks, Internet!). Then I walked to the Grand Palace.



Boy, was that place crowded. But beautiful. There were Chinese tourists taking pictures EVERYWHERE, and it was insanely hot, but I saw the Emerald Buddha, and the buildings were spectacularly gorgeous. I found a quiet place in the shade and wrote in my journal for a bit before walking around more and then leaving (so hot). I went back to my hostel for a while and then took a taxi to the train station to take my train to Chiang Mai.

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Comments

[D MJ Binkley]

Reclining Buddha
So many Buddha's, so little time. You got a nice shot of them one....hard to capture.