THAILAND 1

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Bangkok is a beast of a city. It resembles the sprawling metropolis from the computer game "Grand Theft Auto", only if Hounslow Borough council had been given the job of maintaining it for the last 30 years. This is to say that a lot of the low rise buildings have been poorly maintained giving way to dirty concrete fascia's - although to be fair, unlike the jewel of Middlesex, in Bangkok litter is kept to a minimum. Amongst the rudimentary construction the city is regularly punctuated with pristine monuments and temples. The airport is nice too which is most welcome as the last thing you need after a 10 hour flight is chaotic architecture. I guess it's a question of priorities.
The Thai people are very polite. They pay you the honourable compliment of not staring at you thus allowing one to focus on the task at hand without fearing interference. Today this involved finding accommodation. Around the Kho San Road area this works out at around 350 baht a night. Exciting as this area seems there is nothing much to do per se. All one can do is sink a few beers and maybe take in a gallery.

Never get in the Tuk Tuk - too goddam right. I didn't get in the Tuk Tuk. Which is just as well as I later noted reading the "Lonely Planet" that they are not to be trusted. What will happen is Mr Tuk Tuk will insist that it is in your best interest that he takes you on a tour of the sights before subtly dropping in that en route he will need to pick up his gorilla suit from the dry cleaners (he may have well, with such cursory notation did I observe this clause). What he really wants to do is take you round his mates’ house so he can sell you a Gorilla Suit. At hugely inflated prices. Primate attire don't come cheap.

I am amused by Buddhas. They are everywhere. There is even a temple built to especially house a huge reclining Buddha. "Golden Gigantic Reclining Buddha" it reads on the postcards and they lie not. Class. We should do it with Christianity: "Gaunt Mammoth Crucified Jesus". Anyhow, there are Buddhas everywhere, in all sizes, mostly Golden and all with the same beatific grin.

Bangkok is a city that I can not imagine is nice to live in. There are mangy dogs everywhere, little street urchins trying to scare you into buying Handy Andy’s with baby bats and a general air of licentiousness that makes Soho look pedestrian. When it rains though it does so in style. The lighting flashes long after the rain has passed and the thunder can no longer be heard, like a lamp with a bad connection flickering erratically.

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