Don't shoot they're not my drugs! and other useful phrases in Bangkok

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Sunday is a good day to leave Perth, the streets are quiet as the locals generally stay home so as not to tire themselves for the coming working week. Our friends dropped us to the airport with plenty of time to spare and with a heavy heart we said our goodbyes. This flight was a new experience for us as I had managed to book our flights to London with frequent flyer points in business class. Walking to the front of the check-in queue set us up nicely for the service to follow. Check-in was efficient and friendly, although with an 8 week stop in Asia, the clerk was a little concerned that as the maximum visa period given on arrival in Thailand is 30 days and we had no evidence of leaving to go to Cambodia or Vietnam, we might encounter difficulties with Thai immigration. After a brief check, he advised that this shouldn’t be a problem that would warrant our deportation, but that we should be fore-warned and perhaps prepared to change our ticket. The airlines may treat you as a better person if you fly business, but immigration and security don’t. The same queue applies whoever you fly with. The queues were quite long and you feel a bit of pity for the officers trying to do their job. As one replied to me “if only people would read the signs, things would go a lot quicker” and that is so true. So many people don’t get their laptops out, don’t take metal belts off and generally just prat about as though they are the only person boarding a flight! We entered the business lounge and were quickly seated with a glass of bubbly and a cheese plate. We were called for the flight 15 minutes prior to departure and shown to our own little cabin bed. Provided with a big TV screen (big for a plane I should add) and a rather nice steak, I managed one movie before lowering the seat to a flat bed, pulling up the doona and closing my eyes for not a bad night’s sleep. Awakened at 6am for breakfast, it was all very civilised. Our connection in Hong Kong was only a little over an hour and we were quickly on our way to Bangkok. The business class to Bangkok was not worth the extra cost as it was a larger seat, but it sort of came free anyway when booking on points.

Bangkok is a fast crazy bustling city sprawling as far as the eye can see. It is a mix of modern buildings interspersed with decrepit wooden shacks with dense jungle foliage in their gardens. It’s hot and humid with street smells ranging from frangipani, sweet and sour chicken to sewers. Everywhere is busy with people and traffic. It is unrelenting, but somehow the city captures you in its vibrancy. Surprisingly the level of pollution visible here is no worse than Perth, but that probably varies with the heat and weather.

We found a nice hotel in Silom to the south east of the old town, close to Patpong Road. The Patpong area is famous for cheap bars, sex shows and prostitutes, which made perusing the market somewhat interesting! We found a World Nomads - Thai phrase book on the internet which we thought could be pretty handy. It translates useful phrases like "Hello" and "Thank you" and also includes "Don't shoot - they're not my drugs" which is quite amusing to taxi drivers.

Bangkok is a city of temptation and whatever you fancy is easy to get on the hot crowded streets. We had been in the city for less than one day and I succumbed. I feel dirty and disgusted that I should have been so weak and not been able to resist, but they are everywhere you look… beckoning, teasing, suggestive pictures enticing you in. In hindsight I should have been stronger and I feel ashamed of what I have done. I walked in and looked around sheepishly, not wanting to be noticed, but being stared at by friendly Thai faces. They are so beautiful - childlike in their expressions of innocence as they watched me undertake my foul transaction… “One Big Mac meal and a chicken wings meal please”. Well it was easy and we only had lunch there. Thankfully all our other meals were of Thai cuisine.

We have been to Bamgkok before, but many years ago, so we didn’t do the more touristy things like the floating markets and the Wats (not the family, they are temples). We did catch the river boat upstream to Kho San Road, that famous backpacker hangout. I remember it as being one street of markets stalls, but it now covers a large area and has multiple stalls all selling much the same thing. There are a lot of western style cafes which have taken away from the Thai experience that used to exist. Sadly the area now features in travel warnings for personal safety, so now not such a great place to hang out.

After a week in Bangkok and having secured our visas for Vietnam, we started our overland journey through southeast Asia. Our first stop is Pattaya to the southeast. It was our intention to catch the train, even though the taxi drivers outside our hotel swore blind that there was no train. Our guide book suggested that 3 classes of carriage are provided. But now it is 3rd class only and tickets can only be bought just prior to train departure. We were also told that Thais travel free, so the train would be busy. As the train departed at 6:55am, we decided that the bus might be a better option, well we are on holiday after all, so why get up that early?

The train station where we had made our enquiries was about 2km from our hotel so we thought that we could walk and enjoy the delights of Bangkok off the tourist path. This was fine until we foolishly made eye contact with a tuk-tuk driver. “Hello, I take you, where you go?” “Nowhere, we just walk.” “It’s ok I take you very good price” “No we are ok thanks” and we wandered on, crossing the road to get away. He drove past us and tooted so we smiled. A few minutes further on he had parked on a small bridge over the canal we were walking beside. “Hello you take tuk-tuk” “No mate. We are fine.” “But I make very cheap price, 5 baht and 5 baht”. Well that’s about $3 and we supposed we should ride a tuk-tuk while here. “Ok” and we jump in after telling him to take us to the corner near our hotel. With a big smile we head at top speed into the approaching traffic, although our driver is more concerned with talking to us than watching the approaching traffic and the impending collision. A point ahead made him turn around and thankfully avoid the car we were about to crash into. He then pulled out laminated adverts for tailors, trips to the floating markets and other stuff that we really were not interested in. He then suggested we look at a jewellery shop because they would give him free fuel. “No we are not interested.” “But I get free fuel.” “But we don’t want to look at jewellery.” “It’s ok you only look, 5 minutes, no buy.” “But we don’t want to look.” He got most anxious and started to get insistent. “Its ok” I tell him “we get out here” and we promptly leapt out of his tuk-tuk before the traffic started to move. I gave him 10 baht as it was worth the experience, but he was very down in the mouth obviously because he lost commission from the jewellery store. The side road we took was one-way so thankfully he wasn’t able to pursue us. We wandered though back streets until we hit Siam Village where we celebrated our minor victory over the tuk-tuk mafia with a cooling Margarita.

Returning to our hotel we met the “there is no train” taxi driver and showed him the timetable. He still didn’t believe us, but I think that was more from a perspective of trying to get a fare (which they go to extreme lengths to achieve). Tourist buses will pick you up from your hotel and cost about 550 baht, but I couldn’t help feeling that after our South American adventure getting picked up from the hotel was cheating. So having had breakfast we set out for the Ekkamai bus station, located adjacent to the metro. There are signs at the metro station to guide you to the bus station, but the last sign indicates walking down a side road (you need to turn back on yourself to get to the bus station, which you probably can see from the overpass). Thankfully some 500 metres walking the wrong way a friendly woman in a restaurant asked us if we were going to the bus station and pointed us in the right direction (Thai people are so nice). We caught an air-con bus for 113 baht to Pattaya and including the metro fare saved about 300 baht (about $10 each). The bus was comfortable compared to some we have endured and 3 hours later we reached Pattaya. Now for some odd reason we were told by an official at the bus station that the shared taxi fare to our hotel was 70 baht, but the taxi wanted to charge 100 baht, so we walked off rather indignant that we were not going to be ripped off. It was hot and humid and after 15 minutes of walking we had to stop for a drink. Sitting outside 7/11 we discussed our actions and questioned why we had been so indignant at $1 more to get a taxi to the hotel. “Bugger this, let’s get a taxi”, so we flagged one down, but he refused to take us telling us that we can walk. It turned out to be another 500 metres or so, but we eventually arrived after asking directions several times, hot, sweaty and tired! The first time we did something dumb like that we said we wouldn’t do it again!

Pattaya can only be described as the Ibiza of Thailand, it’s full of bars, clubs, restaurants and market stalls (although there are apparently around 70,000 prostitutes in Pattaya). We concluded that it would be a great place for a stag weekend, but for anything else there are far nicer places. Next stop the island of Ko Chang, a 600 baht bus ride and ferry to the south. Our driver knew two speeds, fast and excessively fast. This was ok when we travelled along the new 6 lane divided freeway, until I spotted a car approaching us on our side. Indeed for the 30 minutes we hurtled south along the freeway, a total of 8 cars and 5 motorcycles used the median lane to head in the opposite direction, about the same level of traffic actually using the correct side of the freeway. I realised later that the freeway has limited access (as all freeways do) but the Thais consider any piece of road as a road. Thus, when a median is provided to stop right turns, they use the wrong side of the road to achieve access and if access requires a 5km run up the wrong side of the freeway, then so be it.

We booked over the internet the Koh Chang Spa resort which is toward the south of the island in jungle and a short ride from the sea. A very nice resort that specialises in detox/cleansing treatments and there is a sign in the bathroom advising how to insert a tube up your bum and fill it with coffee! On the way to the pool there are buckets of coffee lined up for those brave souls feeling the need for a quick caffeine hit. You would be surprised at how many buckets there are lined up each morning.

Having lost 2 kilos through lazing by the pool and eating some rather excellent Thai food (and no coffee the wrong way in), we set off to Siem Reap in Cambodia. We had booked a shared bus to take us all the way and were told to meet at the ferry terminal at 8am for the 8:30 ferry. We arrived at the port but there was no sign of a bus for us, so we caught the ferry and joined our bus on the mainland. Whilst this made more sense to me, our agent had advised us to board a bus on the island. We are on route and as I write, our driver, Kostas, is driving on the wrong side of the road overtaking 3 large trucks on a blind bend uphill. I can only take comfort from the fact that he slowed down to 100kph to answer his phone. It could go either way, Siem Reap Hotel or Bangkok hospital - who knows???????

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Photos

Risking our lives (again)
We borrowed a kayak to venture into the mangrove swamps and ended up in the sea.

Bathtime Fun
A local bathing in the river - Bangkok. Personally I wouldn't go near it!

Space for Monks
Pretending to be a monk. They have allocated seats on public transport.

Pattaya Beach
The photo is deceiving - it's not this good.

Comments

[Maggie]

It's safer in NYC
Hi Leanne and Jonno, By the time you have finished in Asia, I'm sure the traffic in NYC will look tame. Keep us informed of your whereabouts and adventures. Love, Maggie

[Steve]

Oh my God!
Jonno - so you have me on the edge of my seat - was it Bangkok Hospital or Siem Reap Hotel?