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Published: April 13th 2007
Bangkok
Living it up in the swanky hotel Bangkok, the big city we pinned so many hopes on (mainly shopping) and had expectations of, it certainly met and indeed exceeded them. I really liked it. It's big enough not to get bored, but small enough to find your way around. It's a shopping heaven, and I was tempted to buy a suitcase just to fill up, but at this early stage in my travels I fear this would not be such a good idea.
We had a job to do here, extending our Thailand visa. This was quite a mission as we walked to the Immigration office across town, which an hour or so in 30+ degrees and traffic fumes, left us feeling less than pretty and a little tired. On arrival we had to fill in the usual forms but forgot completely about needing photographs. So the little shop opposite has made a thriving business doing a photo and photocopying service for unprepapred tourists like us. We were a bit annoyed as we both have extra photos stashed away back in the hostel and all of a sudden we were going to have to part with a lot of cash and queue up just for the priviledge
of another set of photos. Fine, as we were there let's just get on with it, so two snaps later, having walked into the shop as Emma, the albeit sweaty bedraggled tourist, I leave with the transformation of a serial killer. A male one at that. I look insane I must freely admit. Absolutely shocked at my appearance, I am disgusted at having allowed myself to walk the streets. All I need is a number below the photo and I'd be on Britain's most wanted. Luckily to my relief I realise Sarah also looks a little less than sparkly on hers, but having studied our photos more carefully it transpries that I look more like...wait for it..have a guess....you'll never guess..... Gene Wilder aka Willy Wonker. Well, I knew I had a theme of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory running but this is quite ridiculous and indeed heart-breaking. Still could be worse......no, it really couldn't.....but it makes me laugh everytime Sarah frequently reminds me of it.
Whilst in Bangkok, we met some friends of Sarah's and met them for a really lovely dinner at their hotel. We felt a little out of our depth, surrounded by chandeliers as opposed to
bulbs precariously swinging from a wooden roof, but it was such a treat. We must have looked like kids in a sweet shop as the waiter guided us around the buffet and even showed us the unlimited ice cream machine. The best part though was the spare toilet roll we nicked from their hotel room especially as it wasn't the extra cheap brand!!! Yes we are scabby backpackers.
Bangkok is a living cultural museum, so I ought to mention the beautiful Temples that we did get around to seeing. The Grand Palace was so amazing....there was so much gold, it was blinged up and it was almost blinding. The floors and walls were all hand-painted and the detail and precision is astounding. It's like Laura Ashley special collection patterned wall paper, but all hand-painted.
We also saw the biggest collection of Buddha statues and apparently the oldest, although every Temple seems to have a label of some kind in order to get tourists to visit: either "the oldest, the largest, the most impressive, the greatest, the finest, the best preserved"...you name it, there's a title for it. So taking these with a pinch of salt, I was really looking forward
Laugh or cry
Proof that we can look semi decent..maybe to seeing the biggest Golden Buddha, but after the labrynth to actually find it (bizarrely down a side street in grottiest Bangkok) I was a little dissappointed as I had imagined it to fill the Temple. It was still impressive, but the pinch of salt is now a liberal shake.
Bangkok went as fast as it came, but we headed back down to the Islands, as we are very much island girls and need to either hear or see the sea almost every other week. Another overnight coach trip later, we arrived in Koh Pha-Ngan. The journey was ok, just long but I must tell you about the coaches. They are double deckers, with blacked out windows and pimp-my ride stylee lights all along the sides with flurescent green that lights the engine in the back. Rather cool, but makes me feel like I'm part of Westwood's entourage.
Koh Pha-Ngan is otherwise known as the Full Moon Party Island and yay...we actually timed something right, to be there for the Full Moon! We decided to stay a little further from the party hub in a really sweet little bunglaow right on the beach. The lady was so super friendly
Laugh or cry
Either way the tears are real...the final time I ever want to see THAT photo. that one day she almost fell off her moped from waving to us. Our first day we went over to the island Koh Samui in hope of making a surprise visit to a fellow former Wingravian: Ellis. Unfortunately we missed the first ferry by two seconds, seeing it leave the port early. This did not bode well. So we effortlessly perused every shop at the port of Haad Rin, a skill we have got better at through many a time waiting. With only a basic address to go by, we were pretty much guessing where and when to stop, until we got to the main beach of Lamai. We found the bar surprisingly easily...but, there's always a but....it was shut. Fair enough, it's only 12ish, a bit odd, but some places open later. We asked about to check it was still opens generally and yes, joy of joys, it'd open around 3(ish). So putting our waiting skills back into action we pretty much learnt the price of every item in all the shops around the area, tried on all the sunglasses, and returned. Unfortunately it was still shut and so I gave up on the element of surprise to use
The biggest tree
It's big, but is it worth putting on a map? my phone. Just doing so as luck would have it a girl who works at the bar drove by and stopped to inform me that Ellis was in Bangkok, just where I'd been, and would be returning in 2 day's time...the day I was leaving....ah well, you win some, you lose some...bit of a bugger, in fact quite gutted and ideed how typical, such bad timing..... but we learn not to dwell.....back to our island I guess..
I woke up the next day to a pillowful of squashed ants I might add, realising it's the day of The forboding Full Moon Party. There's so much hype about it, it's a little scary, but the island parties all the time, with Half Moon Party, Black Moon Party, then for the week leading up to Full Moon and the week afterwards, there really is no time that there isn't a party. We warmed up for the big event by exploring our locale...visiting the "biggest tree" : might have known we'd seen bigger in a garden, passing a place advertising Poo Herb Massages..intriguing and offset many a conversation depicting exactly what that would entail and then wallowing in the sea like hippos, just
Pretty sunset
View from our bungalow in Koh Pha-Ngan to stop from melting. We made a vile alcoholic conction of our own to enjoy the sunset on our balcony, as apparently things don't kick off til late, according to the weird old naked lady in a thong that was swinging in her hammock next door...no need. We had planned to go with some people we met and soon found ourselves amid the sweaty, fluro painted chaos of alcohol, lights and trance. It was so much fun. As usual I attracted all the nutters, but easy to lose with so many different areas of the beach each with it's own mini party. Sarah and I have a new found love of Fire Dancing..not something we do ourselves, but watching local pros flip and twist a double ended baton of fire about their body is absolutely fascinating. Having lasted to the later hours of the early morning, we had the scariest ride home, standing on the small platform on the back of a truck-load of drunk/drugged messy people, clinging on as we roared around the cliff top road, illuminated by only the moon, swinging off the edge as we rounded the corners, all the while trying to seen when and where
Sunset gold
Just gets prettier and prettier... we lived. Unsurprisingly we missed it!
So with a generous three hours' of sleep we had an equally interesting ride to the port. Clinging onto the back of a truck, filled with drunken/drugged/emotional and tired casts offs from the night before we assumed our positions, almost deja-vu, it wouldn't have been so bad if not for the added 24kg attached to us. I'm stronger than you guys know, but gravity is a hard thing to fight, especially when tired.
The air got very hot very quickly and actually we did start to melt, but I was so excited to go to our next destination of Koh Tao, the island for diving, that I kept an eagle eye open as usual to spot a fin that just might pierce the water. Having dumped our stuff at another bargain bungalow we did our usual recharge of finding a fruit shake (they are the best drinks ever) and within about 15 mins realised that everything is within the easiest walking distance, along a little bricked path parallel to the beach, so you can see it all the time. Perfect.
We quickly organised to go diving especially as there was a good deal of
Golden Palace
And rightly named.... 4 for the price of 3. We went with the Dive School that a gloriously Gay Big Pink Tug-Boat, with a Phoenix proudly displayed on the side. That's how to choose what company to go with.
We had some really good dives and the crew were friendly and easy-going. We went to Chumphon Pinnacle, where Whale Sharks had been seen the day before. Unfortunately no such luck for us, but we were pleased to see big batfish and huge schools of baby Barracuda and tuna that create walls of silver. It's so mesmerising. We also went to Green Rock and saw Spotted rays. On one dive, we were attacked by a Giant Triton Triggerfish. It was scary, as they can be so vicious, yet comical watching everyone swim away from this weird looking fish that the Dive master was waving her fin at. The faster you swim, the slower motion it seems I swear. Very entertaining though.
Wishing we could stay for longer, the mainland calls us back and we go to Ayutthya. Taken in by a friendly enough chap, offering a deal on a room, we are yet again operating on just a couple of hour's sleep. Waiting for
someone to check out, we are given several brain-challenging puzzles by the man to occupy us. Those really annoying ones I love but hate and cannot put down, like how to get 2 wooden balls on the same side without undoing the knot that separates them, or the more messy one that covered me in rust extracting a metal key along a bended pipe with a metal ring blocking it ...you know the ones? Needless to say I couldn't solve any which the man found more and more amusing.
Ayutthaya is an ancient city that is surrounded by a moat. It homes some of the oldest, most tranquil and serene Temples of Thailand. So what a shock we had when we were innocently admiring one of these cultural spectacles to be hollared at by a man having a wank perched on a crumbling temple wall. Is nothing sacred anymore??!!
Other highlights of this ancient city included going to a shopping mall (a favourite past time of ours) and watching the Thai version of Michael Barrymores's "My kind of People". Hosted by two presenter wannabies, several acts were performed by kids including a geeky little boy that was dancing, though looked
Line of gold
I like gold..... more like Pinocchio with his strings still attached, a group of girls that were so funkily dressed it deterred from their failing dance routine, involving shoes being flung up escalators and hitting one presenter in the eye. Another girl was fitted in a mini wedding dress, obviously her perfomance outfit and looked a regular to these kinds of events, she belted out a number that would have Celine Dion in tears, followed unfortunately by another solo artist, who looked like she was going to throw up at any point. And all this was in aid of winning a collection of new cleaning products....it was live comedy at it's best and was filmed for TV. Being the only Europeans in the entire Mall, we were countlessly captured, looking I hope a little better than I had in Bangkok. Or maybe they really thought I was Gene...?
Our once friendly hostel host later became more annoying, wanting to know where we were going all the time, demanding us to "sit, down, eat something, drink something" and would randomly pinch our ankles. We discovered he was an alcoholic, given away by his pregnant paunch, shaky hands and the key clue of bottles of
beer from 10am onwards. We made the effort each night to eat across the other side of the moat, even if it meant having to walk a few km back, as the boats inconveniently stop running quite early, just to avoid another conversation with him. Also where else would I get my dinner served up in a scooped out pineapple half?! How impressive is that?!
We had yet another early start the next day in order to catch the first bus to Chiang Mai, yet another moated city. As Thai New Year occurs within the next couple of days, transport got more difficult and expensive, so we hoped we would be lucky to get a bus. Lucky we were, although Sarah had to spend a good 6 hours cramped along the back seat penned in by a monk. I'm sure they don't need so much material to their attire, but use it as a means for spreading out on public transport....
We happened to time our visit well, or not, depending, as part of the New Year celebrations include a mass water fight across the city. We arrived when things were just starting to get going and our tuk-tuk driver
Ruins at Ayutthaya
Safe in the grounds of purity we waited for Lady Palm to go.... warned us that we may get a little wet. It seems this is the biggest understatement yet. Turning the corner onto the main road parrallel to the moat, we joined in the biggest nose to tail traffic jam ever, with scores of people lined up on both sides armed with water pistols, hosepipes, buckets, and vats of water, chucking it around in all directions. Our driver nipped in and out of the traffic as fast as he could in order to protect us, but a brief pause for a second and smack, I had a bucket load in my face.....this means war.....
Vulnerably walking through the city, we had to use cars as shields and run across dodging the traffic, I'm surprised we weren't run down. Seeking quieter domains, we thought we'd be safe, but you learn to never let your guard slip. Sarah fell victim to a drive-by shooting, it came from nowhere, disguised as an ice-cream truck, but loaded inside with attackers. Even children are armed and carry a gun with them at all times...their innocence is a facade and are brave to defend their territory.
I write this still in Chiang Mai and so for the last
Buddha head in tree roots
Say what you see..if you see it, say it.... couple of days, we have been armed, as attack seems the only alternative. Even little old ladies dowse you with their perfume-scented water down the back, but as a sign of good luck, you can't really vblast them away in the process, you just have to take it. The worst though, that you cannot be prepared for, is the Icy Blasts. Cunningly, there are terror groups that fill a vat of moat water with huge blocks of ice to serve as the ultimate shock factor. This is the most unpleasant experience, even more than the shher quantity of buckets. To geet holed of this premium ammo is quite tricky, as it's dangerous stuff and you can easily get caught in the process, but the startled effects of your victims makes it so worth while. This is so much fun and very exhausting and I don't think I could be wetter even in a shower....can we introduce this to England?
As Thailand draws to a close I wish you all a Happy New Year, hope that's it's drier than mine, until we meet again in.......Laos!
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Jason Dixon
non-member comment
and...
when's the next one?! Come-on! there's little excitement here in England. Although we did have a particularly hot April (now it's raining again). Can't wait to hear more rose-tinted adventures. j