18. 13/10 - 15/10 - The Perpetual Cliche, The Singapore Sling

---

13/10/07

The alarm woke us from our slumber at 06:45, well not Amy, she was half awake waiting for it to sing. We were ready to go before 7, and in keeping with our ever-trusting guest house, the staff member on duty didn't blink an eye when we dumped our key and walked straight out of the door, bagged up (we did pay last night, we aren't admitting to any crimes here, we didn't touch that diet coke in the minibar...). We got to the bus stop pronto, but ended up waiting until twenty to 8 before our diesel powered stallion came into view. We thought that the 8 o'clock bus would be beyond us, although I had more immediate problems when a fat man decided that next to me was the 'best seat in the house', leaving me to lose the feeling in my legs as I shifted my new and improved (weighs a fricking ton) bag onto my thighs, the weight causing it to dig in hard. Luckily we were shortly at the main bus terminal and despite the pins and needles giving me an oh so masculine gimpy walk, we made it to the counter by 8 to book our tickets. The bus was full. We needn't have rushed. 9 o'clock would be our departure time, arrrgghhhh...........

We had a few Ringgits left to blow so we bought a couple of cups of plastic tea and coffee, before watching in amazement as a giant, reddy coloured cockroach scampered up and over the counter and into the kitchen, the staff not blinking an eye. Hmmm.......think we'll stick to mentoes from the convenience store rather than a fresh sandwich from this zoo!! We waited patiently for the bus, experienced our last squat toilet (hallelujah), and jumped on at ten to 9. Yet again we were the only westerners on-board, and we were surrounded by very excitable Chinese people, with mobile ring tones providing the soundtrack. Luckily we'd been up for 2 hours and clearly there wasn't a trace of caffeine in the cockroach water so it was lights out for Amy and I for an hour or so. We woke as we approached a rest stop, and were subjected to the usual mad rush to the loos, my temper tested yet again by the ignorant pushy and rude people that seem to inhabit this part of the world. Don't get me wrong, i'm not having a go, maybe its just a cultural thing, but manners don't cost a thing, and in my experience, they just ain't shopping in that price range. I did have a brief pant-wetting moment whilst checking out the fish before re-boarding the bus. The usual 5-10 lb koi carp were swimming by, until, all of a sudden, we saw Jaws!!!! This Dragon Fish was enormous(turned out to be 2), about 1 and a half metres long, and, as it turns out, is worth about 20 grand. I got a little over-excited but Amy managed to get me back on the bus where the usual manners deficit got me back down to earth.

Back on the bus we reached the border city of Johore where we joined the 'foreigner' queue for our departure from Malaysia, before skipping back on the bus and heading for the border. As we approached Singapore on the main bridge our excitement was reaching fever pitch as we were leaving the real Asia for good, and entering a new and exciting fantasy land driven by commercialism and that un-defineable Singaporean spirit. My only concern was the number of signs at the border which sported pictures of people on their knees with a gun to their head, for almost every misdemenaour, including taking pictures. I wanted to take a picture for the blog, but didn't want to be JFK'd!! Singapore customs was in keeping with Singapore as a whole, plush, tiled and immaculate. We jumped off our bus, with our bags, and queued...... for ages. I was starting to get a little worried that the driver would get bored waiting and just bugger off, and, being Asian, he did get bored, couldn't be bothered to wait, and buggered off. Cheers. Left stranded and transport-less we played the 'lost and vulnerbale tourist' card, and luckily another driver, with the same destination lets us jump on-board. The only downside was the huge group of Indian children, aged from about 4 to 9 who were discussing, in perfect Queen's English, the British Royal Family, its characters and key events. Being complete ignoramousses on all things royal, we pulled our collars up, whacked the Ipods on full blast and hid behind our books, hoping they wouldn't ask us to calrify anything (i'd already come up with a plan just in case. Lie convincingly!!!!!!).

It wasn't too far to our final destination, as we were dropped in Little India, and we only had a short walk (well we thought it was but the scale in our Lonely Planet was.........sh&te!!! Or maybe I just worked it out wrong, answers on a postcard!!) to our guest house, Hangout (name of our guest house, not me flying low), to go. The walk turned into a march, then into a yomp, as we sweated and absorbed our first real view of downtown Singapore. Laden with bags the next 45 minutes of our lives was pretty bloody tiresome, but arriving at the Hangout was like reaching the garden of eden. Our travel company (STA Travel.......my advice, book through someone else) had failed to book Amy and I a double room so we stuck with the dorm, which in fairness has worked out fine, but the attention to detail all round makes this place. Free internet, movie room, free coffee, decked areas, roof top standing pool and deck, hot showers, western toilets, loo roll, I could go on, make it a home from home and i'd recommend it to anyone. After quickly un-packing (and hanging our clothes on hangars!!!), we decided to discover the city on foot and headed for the colonial district. This area also featured the Management Studies University (very Singapore) so there were coffee shops at every turn (and we discovered the 3rd indicator of wealth in Asia, alongwith glasses and cars. Its having that, never played a game of football but hammered the weights at the gym look!!!). The streets were immaculate, the architecture diverse and eye-catching, and we decided to kill the afternoon walking in Fort Canning Park. We spent a leisurely hour or so walking through the spice garden, checking out the remains of the fort and Raffles Terrace, before we headed down to Raffles Hotel itself. The plan was a couple of drinks tomorrow so we did a recce, and headed back to the guest house to wait for Baz. Barrie was in the internet room so after a quick shower and coffee, we all headed out for dinner. On the way back we popped to the supermarket to buy a packed lunch for tomorrow's trip to Singapore Zoo (sadly I couldn't find an A-Team lunchbox like the one I take to work.......), before killing the rest of the night on-line.

14/10/07

We were up and at em by 9 today, both dozing from about 8 but not feeling 100% as Barrie kept waking us through the night with his snoring!!!! Amy had given him a couple of kicks during the night which seemed to quieten him for a while, and she managed to restrain me from smothering him with my pillow (I was sleep-walking, honest!!). We killed an hour on the net, before a quick shower and left for the zoo at 11, armed with water, fruit and oat bars (need to keep the beach body intact for Oz!!!). We experienced Singapore's, you guessed it, immaculate and efficent, underground system, which alongwith a bus ride, got us to the zoo about 12. The zoo was fantastic, with loads of new animals I hadn't previously seen, and I felt like a kid at Christmas. We got to see the polar bears, lions, manatees, rhinos and white tigers (my favourite animal) being fed, and also saw a wolf for the first time. The zoo had huge snakes, including a rattlesnake and boa constrictor, as well as huge crocs and alligators, and some bad-ass baboons. All in all, it was a cracking day, especially as the enclosures are generally cageless, although the heat took its toll. By late afternoon we were flagging and so left by 4, with 5 o'clock bringing the respite of our air-con and beds. Amy and I kipped for a bit, Barrie didn't need to as he had had a sounds nights sleep (yeh, just waking everyone else, although he has got a cold developing so we'll let him off). I slept til half six, and after a bit of albino time, I hit the shower, and preened myself to perfection before being given the opportunity to, wait for it..............IRON MY SHIRT!!! I think this beats wearing jeans, as my feeling of normality has gone galactic, and I think when we get to Pete and Kellie's in Melbourne, i'll do everyone's!!!!!!!!!

Amy and I were fresh, pressed and ready to rock 'n' roll at 8, with Amy scrubbing up pretty damned good in her dress. Being our 7th anniversary (7 year stretch, I can't believe it, you get less for aggravated assault), we decided to stuff the budget and go out for a decent meal, followed by the perpetual cliche of Singapore Slings in Raffles. We waltzed into town, buzzing with that 'just ironed' glow, and headed for Chijmes, a small park, surrounded by restaurants, bars and boutique shops, oh, and a church. At night, lit-up, it looked maginificient, and to our good fortune, there was live music all night. After citing a restaurant for the night (we decided to feed our Italian craving), we grabbed a beer and sat watching the Jazz Band. The atmosphere was electric, the band, impressive, and sampled the Singaporean vibe. After 1 beer, and with the alcohol going straight to our head's, we grabbed a table at the restaurant, which took our feeling of decadence onto the next level, as we even got attentive and polite service. The food was fantastic, we actually got a decent salad, and the beer was cold. The Jazz Band was followed by an interesting German group that were at first intriguing, but ultimately irritating, so we took that as our cue to head across the road to Raffles.

Raffles was picture perfect, white walls and dark wood finish giving that colonial feel. We headed for the Long Bar through the busy function bar filled with noisy pissed execs, and trudged through the monkey nuts to grab a seat at the bar. We fulfilled the cliche and ordered to Singapore Slings, tucked into the monkey nuts and enjoyed the ambience. To top it off, there was a live band playing soulful versions of modern and classic tunes, and we had a great night. Another round of drinks followed, another bucket full of nuts was consumed, and we decided, just a tad tipsy, that we should get the bill. After a quick coronary, we settled up, and left Raffles to the song 'With or Without You', which got me thinking. At 90 dollars for 4 drinks, spending money, i'm gonna have to get used to living without you...

15/10/07

With a relatively late, and boozy night, I opened my eyes carefully this morning, expecting the worst, but after a decent night's kip, probably helped by a few beers and our Singapore Slings last night, but everything was a ok. We managed to shower and pack by 10, the ungodly check-out time, but we could leave our bags here and have full use of the facilities all day so all was forgiven. We did get a bit of a shock though, as when we woke up the weird Chinese fella, who has been hanging round the dorm all day every day since we got here, was sat up in his bed staring at us. We have got safety in numbers but i'm kinda glad to be leaving him behind, he could be a pyscho or a bum boy!!!!! On the way out for some sight-seeing we stopped at the supermarket for breakfast, fruit and baked carbs doing the trick. Our plan was to visit St Andrews Cathedral, but being a bit temple'd (church, cathedral, etc) out, we decided to take a couple of pics (partly so Barrie could say he'd actually left the guest house once in Singapore!!), and make it to the Raffles mall before the rain storm we could see on the horizon hit us. Quite amazingly we could actually see the rain (monsoon) creeping up the main drag, and with time most definitely not on our side, we had to make a quick decision and head for a bus stop for relative safety/aridness. We did make it in time, and spent the next 30 minutes watching Singaporeans dodge the rain. When the watery hell subsided, we made it to the mall but quickly lost interest due to our lack of available bucks for the designer outlets on show. We decided to hit the tourist trail and showed Barrie our local, Raffles, and then walked to the Fountain of Wealth, the biggest fountain in the world. It took us some time to amble their in the midday heat, only to find, when we got there, that it wasn't powered up and fountaining!! We killed the next hour or so in an air-conditioned oasis, yet another mall, until the fountain was up and running. It was, in all honesty, not that spectacular, so we headed back to the guest house to kill some time before our 5 o'clock tube trip to the airport. The tube ride was very Singaporean, clean, efficient and on-time, getting us to the airport on-time, and an absolute steal at just 60 pence each. We're a bit sad to be leaving Singapore, but I don't think this will be our last visit. The city reeks of bucks, big bucks, and yet somehow it has an intriguing allure which, if fantasy, glamour and dynamicism is your thing, is paradise. This feeling has grown on us from the minute we hit Singapore, and I think that is how we'd describe the city, a grower. On the surface it seems pretty bland, almost too clean, too sanitised, too Western to excite you, but when you delve a little deeper, and just 'experience' it, you fall in love, which we did. I said that i'd work and live in Kuala Lumpur, and I still would, but if Singapore was on the drinks menu, make mine a double!!!

---

Photos

Singapore
Raffles Hotel

Malaysia to Singapore
Dragon Fish - 1.5m long

Singapore
Chinese M&M's, matt thoguht the name was funny

Singapore
Fort Canning a park in a city

Singapore Zoo
Polar Bear

Singapore zoo
Lions

Singapore Zoo
White Tigers

Singapore
Chijmes - Jazz in the park

Singapore
Raffles Hotel- Singapore Sling

Singapore
Raffles Hotel Monkey Nut shells

Singapore
Raffles Hotel - Long Bar

Singapore
St andrews Cathedral

Singapore
Fountain of Wealth