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Published: January 18th 2008
5 days until I board the plane to come home. Is it terrible that I absolutely cannot wait? That I already have a suitcase mostly packed? That I already mapped out my train schedule from JFK to Connecticut a week ago? That I’ve planned what I am going to buy at the supermarket as soon as I get home? That I’ve been dreaming of the hot tub at the gym and Dunkin Donuts coffee and high speed internet?
Luckily I have a very busy schedule until then. I just had lunch with Raj at Mike’s Breakfast and learned that a lot of Fulbrighters have been experiencing loneliness and depression. All I can say is, I’m so glad it’s not just me! Here I have been feeling like I am weak and not cut out for this, when in reality what I have been experiencing is completely normal. My spirits have lifted since Mary has been here though. Hopefully I can maintain that when I come back at the end of February.
Yesterday I laid low most of the time, still not feeling 100% physically. Whatever bacterial infection I have is taking forever to heal completely. But I managed to go out at night, which was good for me. Kiran invited all of us (Mary, Renuka, Ranju, Sangita) over for dinner in his new rented room. His nephews and sons cooked us quite a meal on the kitchen floor—dhal bhaat, chicken, fish, seaweed soup, French fries, and veggies. I am so paranoid to eat anything now, even if it is cooked. But how do you avoid it? If you refuse someone’s invitation to eat at their house, or to taste the food they cooked, it is considered a huge insult. So I just eat stuff that appears well cooked and pray that I don’t spend the next day on the toilet.
I had to rush out early though, because I had already arranged to meet Kif and Deepti at Durbar Marg to check out more dance restaurants. We went to 2 different ones, both of them much classier (if you can call them “classy” in Kathmandu) than the other places I have been in. They were cleaner, nicely decorated, and the women were older, wearing more expensive looking costumes. There was no stripping, however. I’m not sure if that was not included at these particular establishments, or if it was too early in the evening for that. But the women would come out in sequined little skirts and blouses and little high heels, dancing to Hindi pop songs. Occasionally an American hip hop song would come on, and I suddenly felt like I was back in Hartford. (It’s so funny to watch Nepalis dance to American hip hop!) Men appeared on stage for a couple of the songs, but at these 2 clubs they did not grope the female dancers like they did at the other clubs I visited. The women seemed less embarrassed and reserved, showing genuine smiles rather than timid ones.
At the second club we actually ran into Angela, the dancer who stripped completely nude at the club I visited in Bhag Bazar. She remembered me right away, and I managed to get her phone number (even though she speaks no English). Apparently she was checking this club out to see if she wanted to work there. I imagine because it is a bit classier it would mean more money, but last night there were only a couple of customers and it seemed pretty boring. She told me she did not want to work there. She left the same time we did, and tried to get me to come with her to another club in Naya Baneswor, but Kif could not go and I did not want to go alone. She also had a young guy with her that was begging Kif to come along. I don’t know what his role was, but he seemed to be in charge of Angela, pulling her out of the club and telling her when it was time to go. Hopefully I can actually get in contact with her for an interview.
But the most interesting part of the evening was that Deepti did not feel comfortable at the restaurants. She stayed at the first place for about 5 minutes before calling her brother to come pick her up. She explained to me that she did not feel unsafe, but was worried about her reputation should she be seen there. Apparently it is not only stigmatized for a woman to work at such places, but also to just go into a place. Deepti was worried that even though she was there as a research assistant, she would not have time to explain that if someone saw her and it would ruin her reputation. Her boyfriend and brother were also very concerned about the fact that she was there with only 2 foreigner friends.
I’m having a hard time finding people to accompany us. Faruq’s friend felt uncomfortable the last time we were there, and even though Dinesh assures me he wants to go, he keeps finding reasons not to. Kiran wrinkled up his nose when I asked him to go and immediately said no. I wonder, if so many people are against such establishments, then who is going to these places and keeping them in business? This part of my research continues to get increasingly complicated.
This afternoon I have a meeting with the director of a family planning NGO here in Kathmandu. I already have a plan for how my sexual health intervention will go—the one that I am running when I get back in February—but I figured it would be good to make the contact. Perhaps she can help me recruit women for my study, which is going to be a major chore. Getting anything done in Nepal is a major chore…I’m not sure how I’m going to manage to recruit 50 women to participate in a 6 hour sexual health program. But, such is trying to do research in a place like Nepal. And for all of those academics who think doing field work is fluff, all I can say is, you have no fucking clue!
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Bethany
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All the documentaries I've ever watched on "underground" or even somewhat mainstream sex workers in the developing world have put a huge emphasis on the number of American, British and Australian men who keep them afloat, often including sexual offenders who won't be prosecuted there for things they've served time for in their home countries. So depressing. As always, such an interesting blog!