Ke garne? Jiban yestai chha.

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It’s so nice to have electricity all day! Tuesday is the one day it does not go off in my district. I finally figured out the schedule (although, that doesn’t always mean anything). I found out yesterday from a Nepali friend that some officials in the government are selling power to India and padding their own wallets, which is why there’s not enough power to fuel all of Nepal at all hours. What the fuck?? Talk about greed and corruption! Businesses are suffering tremendously, not to mention the severe inconvenience for people’s everyday lives. I keep asking why people are not more outraged and rioting—Mary says if people make too much noise, they disappear…

Yesterday was very productive research-wise. I went back to the Family Planning Association to meet with Beena, who is a joy to work with. In Nepal you get used to people not showing up for meetings, not returning calls, not being available for days on end even if they say they are. That’s why it takes forever to accomplish anything here. But Beena is always there at our set times and always comes through with whatever I need. I left FPAN yesterday with 300 condoms, dozens of brochures on STDs/HIV and birth control methods printed in Nepali, and copies of presentations from the gender-sensitivity training. I couldn’t believe it! I also tried to make copies of reports from their library, but of course the power was out, so I’ll have to go back for that. I don’t know if it’s that particular organization, the people working there, or the fact that they are funded by International Planned Parenthood and are held to a higher standard, but working with FPAN has made my life so easy. Beena even promised to set up interviews for me with women working in the sex industry when I return next month.

Coming home I got stuck behind several demonstrations. I don’t understand completely what was going (as is often the case when stuff happens here), but from what I could gather, all of the 7 political parties were holding demonstrations all over the city yesterday. They were mostly peaceful, expect for a pipe bomb near Ratna Park that injured 3 people. But thousands of people were lining the streets with flags and signs, chanting and marching. Never a dull moment in the ‘Du!

I had a long conversation with Sushila yesterday about pornography in Nepal. To buy, sell, or make it here is illegal. But of course, there is a black market. According to Sushila, you can walk into certain video stores, and if you know the guy behind the counter and the right gesture, he’ll give you the latest porn import in the case of a regular movie. Many of them are imported from India (where it is also illegal), but there are also videos from China and the West. She also said some places show movies to roomfuls of men. Supposedly women do not watch it. But in a couple of my interviews, women told me that their husbands had watched the films and then came home and wanted their wives to try those positions. Sushila was shocked when I described porn shops in the U.S.—entire stores devoted just to pornography!

Sushila and I also talked about my little problem with the Indian guy, whom I have not heard from since, thankfully. She said that men in this part of the world only know about Western women through television—programs like Baywatch (or Boobwatch, as they call it here). So when they see women on these shows having lots of sex, they assume all foreign women are like that. So that might be why I get so much attention from men—they think I’ll be a quick lay!

I’ve also learned from a couple of Nepali female friends that they want to marry an American man and get out of this place. They have honestly told me that as long as he is nice to them, she will take care of all of his domestic needs and be nurturing towards him, if it means getting her to America. I think the whole “mail order bride” phenomenon and these guys that go to Asian countries to find submissive women is a form of exploitation of women. But what I’m starting to realize is that many of these women have a lot of agency in the situation. They are willing to be submissive partners, good housewives and caretakers if it means a life far from here.

There seems to be many Nepalis who do everything they can to get out of here and never come back. And some days I can’t blame them. Aside from the filth of Kathmandu, this country is beautiful, but the lifestyle is terrible. Once you get a taste of how the other half lives, why wouldn’t you want to get out of here? I honestly can’t wait to board the plane back to the U.S.

But on the other hand, you have people like Kiran and Dinesh who keep coming back, trying to make their villages, their communities, and their country better. I guess if everyone left the country would never progress. But what makes a person decide to endure the hardship to rebuild the country? I always criticize the people who say they want to move to Canada when they are frustrated with American politics—that they are not doing anyone any favors if they just move away. But here you are talking about living in a place where there is no clean water, sanitation, often no electricity, scarce educational and health resources, and a bleak future. I think it says a lot about the well educated, successful people that stay here and try to make their country better. They have far more strength and courage than I could ever find within myself. I’m having trouble just getting through these few months. But maybe having grown up in the developed world, I just don’t understand it on the same level.

Anyway, as they say in Nepali, “Ke garne? Jiban yestai chha.” “What to do? Life is like this.”

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Comments

[Bethany]

Have you decided to shorten your duration?

[Dylan]

You are blessed
this is why going to a 3rd world country is such a great experience. You never know how good you have it till you don't have it anymore.