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Published: August 24th 2010
What an amazing two weeks I have had.
The first week was a Buddhist Beginners course and was mostly wonderful. I have decided that the easiest thing to do is to give you parts of my diary entries that I made. They have been edited though to protect the innocent - me! Sorry it’s rather long, but then it’s up to you if you read it.
An amazingly beautiful place in the hills just outside of Boudhanath. The gardens are lush and wonderful for a quiet stroll with views of the Kathmandu valley from every point.
My room is on the 2nd floor of a building overlooking Kathmandu and the mountains beyond. Stunning! It’s also on top of the gompa where we will have all of our classes.
I am the first person in the 3 bedded room with bathroom and as yet no one else has arrived. This could be good as it will make keeping Noble Silence easier. Noble silence means looking down whenever someone comes near, not giving eye contact and not passing notes.
Dinner was delicious and the talk with an English/Australian monk made us all feel very at home. He
has a great sense of humour. Somehow he has already learned my name and I am also the official turn on’er and turn off’er of the audio equipment. Just one switch thank heavens. All I have to do is remember to do my job before and after each session.
After the last meditation session each day we are in silence until after lunch on the following day. At present I don’t see it as much of a problem, but last night I thought it could be because…….
I was in my room happily alone and because of the early morning ahead decided to have an early night. Then I got the itches. I thought it was my mind playing with me. Saying, “well don’t think I will let you meditate tomorrow, you are going to itch all over”. This was strange as I have done a lot of meditation over the last few months. Maybe my mind was rebelling about it being Buddhist meditation and not yoga meditation!!! Anyway I tried to ignore it but it got very uncomfortable, so I decided to have a quick shower. Oh, wrong decision. It was like the water was full off
itching powder. Wherever the water went I itched 3 times as much. Desperation was lurking. What ever could I do? I was in silence, alone and didn’t know where I could go to get help anyway.
Trying not to scratch, I dried myself vigorously to ease the itching and tried to keep calm. I willed the horrid sensations to go away, took a sleeping tablet, lay down and tried to relax. Slowly it subsided but I decided that the next day, I would see a doctor.
The following day…Now I am thinking of just seeing how things go. I have become quite reactive to insect bites so maybe I am also more sensitive to certain foods. It’s all that I can think of. I am now a little worried about having a shower!
Today has been all good so far, although it is only 8.20.a.m. There was a wake up bell at 5.45, although with all the other bells I am sure that we were all awake! Tea at 6 then meditation at 6.45 guided by a lovely Israeli monk. Breakfast at 7.30 then a class at 9.15 which I am waiting for now. No questions of
course as we are all in silence.
There are about 50 or 60 of us I think from all over the world. I have met some nice girls from Mexico, England, Turkey and I think Lithuania. Haven’t talked much yet - naturally. There are also a few ‘oldies’ like me.
At the moment feeling positive and relaxed, so long as the itchies don’t come back.
Lunch was delicious and I was a washer up’er! Phew, not only did we wash up for the group but all the monks too. I have never washed up so many dishes. Over and done with now though.
Meditation both before and after dinner was hopeless. Hated it. My legs hurt the minute I sat down and I couldn’t relate to anything he was saying. I am quite happy with my life, but I felt that I was at a disadvantage because I wasn’t suffering from a terrible relationship, illness, breakdown, or some other catastrophe. I didn’t know what bad bit of my life which was making me suffer - to focus on. Nothing is perfect, but it’s not bad and I have already learned a lot from my yoga. I
must expect this up and down.
Good news though, I had a shower and it wasn’t acid rain, skin feels fine. Let’s hope I can sleep as I have a bit of a headache.
Oh and I loved the Noble Silence!
5/8/10
Slept reasonably last night, it rained constantly - love it. I awoke 5 minutes before my alarm so Swami Veda is right, we do have very good clocks inside us. Back into Noble silence which I enjoy. It gives you so much time to think and it doesn’t matter where you sit at breakfast.
Tea then meditation. I find it difficult as the monk talks a lot, to me it’s more like restful concentration than meditation. Was o.k. though. I am still managing to do some pranayama which I am happy about but the only time for yoga is the break after a meal when yoga of course is not possible.
Breakfast and now here I am waiting for the next teaching class.
Oh, I also have a rash on my torso, it’s itchy too! Shall wait until out of silence and decide what to do then. Botheration!!!
Haven’t really mentioned much
about this place apart from it is perched on a hill and is beautiful with spectacular views. It’s quite amazing being within a monastery. All monasteries are teaching - that’s what they do and there are about 400 monks from 6 years to oldies. All day and a lot of the night I can here them chanting, reciting sacred texts, debating, singing and playing instruments. When I go for a stroll after dinner there are still classes going on at 9p.m. I feel it is such a privilege to be here among all of this.
Teaching time.
My notes:
• In this life I would like to develop compassion for all and to be non-judgmental.
• What are the benefits of this present human rebirth?
• What can I achieve in helping others? Need to develop qualities that help me to help others.
• Motivation helps meditation and meditation aids motivation.
• Karma is A.B.C. from previous lives. Antecedence, behaviour, consequences.
• To remove negative karma need strong positive/opposite actions along with regret for past negative actions.
• Non-virtues of the body…killing, stealing, sexual misconduct and lying.
• Non-virtues of speech…...lying, divisive speech, harsh speech and idle gossip.
•
Non-virtues of mind……..covetness, malice and wrong views.
• For all the above non-virtues there is intent, motive, delusion, action and completion and opposite positive behaviours.
Back into silence now till after lunch tomorrow. Strange how much I like it. It’s very liberating. In fact even writing this is a bit like breaking silence and I would rather not do it, but feel it could be useful later.
Meditation before dinner was on death. We imagined we were on a plane that then started to deteriorate and was going to crash. What would we think about our lives, what would we regret, what we would want to say to whom etc, etc? I was chanting Swami Rama and hoping that my children would realize that I had had a wonderful life. I was happy that they were reasonably settled, that Lex has the house but worried that I hadn’t organised for money to be put aside for Raju’s children’s education. I didn’t regret anything apart from a few foolish affairs and not looking after my teeth when young. Crazy! I guess that proves that I am happy with what I am doing with my life and I like very
much the person I am becoming.
After dinner, chanting which I really like. I seem to feel the vibrations of the chanting for quite a while after we have finished, it’s lovely. I am starting to miss yoga though and the wonderful relaxations.
At present I am in bed listening to the monks singing and it’s soft, deep and quite melodic, unusual for Buddhists. We had huge rains a while ago but now it has stopped and the insects are joining in with the singing. What amazing experiences I am having. How could I be so greedy as to want to hang onto life when I have had such a wonderful one already?
A beautiful Indian poem from the Lam Rim book I am reading.
This day is a special day,
It is yours.
Yesterday slipped away
It cannot be filled with more meaning.
About tomorrow nothing is known.
But this day, today, is yours.
Make use of it.
Today you can make someone happy.
Today you can help another.
This day is a special day,
It is yours.
6/8
An interesting day. Will write in shorthand as I am too tired and ready for
bed.
Woke up with the itchies again. No!
Brought tea back to my room, left a note on the table in the gompa saying I needed a doctor. Couldn’t possibly stay for meditation as I was trying to tear my skin off.
At breakfast got a kiss from a concerned Cecelia, so sweet.
Doctor came, a German (?) women on the course and gave me an antihistamine. It helped but only a little.
A silent big hug from Paulo, a big surprise but lovely. Skinny English girl still very difficult and it was difficult for me not to bite as I feel a bit low with the itchies.
There are a lot here with personal problems to sort out and I don’t really have any. I don’t have any big issues to work on - sorry. Aren’t we being told to be happy in others happiness? A lot of people seem to learn it, read it but don’t actually live it.
But I will continue to try to, no matter what.
Two good meditations this evening although with one I just did my own thing. A lovely walk around the monastery watching all the goings on. Debating, chanting etc.
I
have a slight headache so to bed. Doc has given me another pill for the itchies should I need it.
7/8
Slept really well last night and no itchies, yes!!! But took the antihistamine this morning as directed just in case.
Meditation session was better too, must be me.
A few things from the teaching session:
• The difficult people in our lives can be seen as our gurus as we then have to practice all the qualities of dharma.
• What is anger? Can you just disagree or is this irritability? I don’t feel that I have anger but I certainly don’t agree with everyone all the time but just try to see things from their point of view. If we are trying to get rid of these negative aspects then a definition of anger and irritability would be useful.
• O.K. Here goes….The “I” is just the emotions generated by the coming together of cause and conditions. So it is the exterior stimulus that creates the internal concept of “I”.
• What is the difference between “I, the self and the will”?
Watched an interesting film this evening instead of meditation. Didn’t feel like an
evening walk as my back is covered in a rash and felt uncomfortable - must get this sorted out.
8/8
My back is a little better. Did walking meditation this morning, something I have wanted to experience for a long time. It was very, very calming. I like it, but probably not something I could do at Burnside Village. Ha! Ha!
9/8
Today we were told about the Green Tara retreat and I am beginning to think that I am crazy to consider it. It is complete noble silence 24/7, not even looking at each other. No going to the shop, café or library and certainly not out of the grounds. We have to give in all mobile phones and laptops, so this will stop!!!! It is complete introspection. Most of us are a bit nervous and I don’t think I will be keeping my room all to myself either - bother.
10/8
The course is over and a lot are making up for lost talking. Lots of photos and exchanging of emails. It really was a great experience, but I feel only the beginning.
I went into Thamel this afternoon to CIWEC clinic about my rash. A great place run by all English doctors. The doctor thinks it is an allergy but to what is anyone’s guess. He gave me some steroid tablets just in case it flairs up badly again. That is just what I would not need while in silent retreat! I caught up with Raju and did some shopping and had a lovely dinner with Sancar, a young Nepali man who is in the British army. We shared a taxi there and back.
Now it is just the people who are doing the Green Tara retreat left and more will arrive tomorrow. Here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well hopefully that will give you an idea of my first retreat. I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. More to come…………..
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It is maybe not so good to dwell on the quality of your meditation, or the quantity. It is not competitive. What you experience just ...IS. It develops slowly but once you have it, it stays with you and you can slip back "inside" so easily. Meditation is strrange. If you are told not to think of something then it will be part of your thoughts. In time when you are "thoughted out" the realisation that nothing really matters helps you develop true thoughtfulness. Ming spent 10 days in silence in a Vipissana retreat. She said that it was so hard but so valuable. She cried.... personally I think that was severe and mahayana is much more acceptable to westerners. Love and kisses from the Woodside lot xox tell you what though, and it is not flippant...Zen and the art of motorcycle mainetnance makes a lot more sense now that I am THIS age!