A digression

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OK, last left you poised as I left Mamng. Wrote a sizzling account of the horrors of the next day and lost the lot. Grrr. Anyway, thought I'd let you know about the massage I have just had . For had read SURVIVED.

I went for the most blissful foot massage at a place last night and usually a fot massage is a god indicator of how a full massage will be. I went for Back, neck and shoulder. Hoped I'd get the chap who had done my feet (not for any kinky reasons - he just knew what he was doing) but this very tiny Asian girl appeared. I've had very tiny Asian girl massages before and my heart filled with foreboding.

Rightly so. I feel like I've been beaten up and put up no defence whatsoever. She was extremely rough. Yanked my hair out of the way, thre my limbs about til they were where she wanted them. The massage started with being pressed on my back. Sometimes she had to leab very hard with one hand on my coccyx to do this. It was pressing with scant regard to what she was actually pressing. As she bore down on my lungs and I dribbled helplessly and breathlessly into the couch, I prayed for her to get to the massage bit.

Well for massage read RUBBING. I feel as if I've ben rubbed to death. At one point the friction was so intense I thought Ray Mears was attempting to start a small bush fire on my back. I expected to see a small coil of smoke wafting to the ceiling. The rubbing went on a very long time. A very very long time. But even so, that was luxury compared to what happened when she ordered me to turn over.

She dribbled oil on my abdomen (commendably resisting the urge to laugh at my green stomach - my turquoise hippy pants have dyed my skin and I can't get it out) and using my tummy button as an oil receptacle (bad bad idea) began to prod mercilessly into my stomach using my bladder as a convenient place to put her weight on. .'Aaaagggghhhhhh' was the only sound that emitted from my mouth. The next but was OK - in Asia they love giving you a good breast massage and I had no complaints about that, until she started moving up my throat and virtually strangling me over and over again. Think Homer Simpson throttling Bart.

Then just as you think it can't get much worse she moved up to my head and began slapping my face with much gusto. She then put her fingers into my temples with so much strength I nearly lost consciousness. Then she started beating my head with her fist and to finish off the massage moved to my feet and beat the soles a few times (sorry - I'm sure that's torture in some countries?!)

Perhaps its karma for spending the money on that rather than getting photos downloaded to disk. I've not idea. Still concerned I may be suffering some sort of walk and die head injury. As always...I'll let you know....

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