Fort Kochin, Alleppy another painful train... Trivandum

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A short, not so nice meal followed with a quick trip to a bar for a warm rum and cola, not really want i wanted to do but Matthias, Daniela & Freek (A 21 year old Dutch guy, Matt had met and become friends with the day before.) were up for it so i went along. The bar was dark and seedy, full of old drunk Indian guys and young silly backpackers, we left though the locked fire exit a little after 10, time for bed 😊
Saturday the 30th was to be the last day i had with Daniela so we had a lovely breakfast and went of exploring the town. Fort Kochin has an amazing art cafe, with yummy coffee and cakes to match! We spent an hour or so talking and enjoying the moment.
After wonderful coffee came another girly shopping trip, we went to a market to buy oils, soap, tea and henna... This lovely last day was completed with an amazing Prawn Masala at the Mango Tree, Best curry i've had in India!!
Back to the Mango Tree for an equally wonderful breakfast on the 31st before a loving goodbye to Daniela.

1.30 hour train to Alleppy with Matthias, of to do the backwaters together... Stayed again at Mandala beach house...

2nd of Feb got on a beautiful house boat fit for a queen, spent the day eatting wonderful food, taking in beautiful sights, and feeling the most amazing feelings... With just one look Matthias has the ability to melt my heart and reach my soul... a dangerous things for us both...
Semi friends semi lovers is a strange relationship, but as we listened to moby, drank rum cola and peacefully took our surroundings in it worked...

Back at Mandala the wonderful owners let me use the kitchen 😊!!! Of to the supermarket i went, brought 7 kingfisher stakes, some pasta, garlic, onion, tomatoes, i produced a simple pasta salad and marinaded the fish in chilli, garlic, onion and lime before BBQing them in foil... YUMMY!!!! Camp fire, gigar playing, singing into the night before taking a midnight swim 😊
A few days of the same beautiful rountine, Mandala was beginning to feel like home from home... a wonderful beach, amazing people an easy life. On our last night the owner let us stay in the preium beach hut, with a full glass front, tinted in the bathroom and more space then we'd had the whole time it really was a kind present for only 600R!!!
I brought Tiger Prawns and cooked them in Garlic and Ginger acompanided by a cold noodle, mushroom, onion, garlic, tomato salad!! I was in food heaven 😊

We finaly left Alleppy for Trivandum on the 6th... Not being able to read the train ticket probaly when the train pulled in we ran up and down the platform looking for our carriage, we got in our right carrige but for me it was the carriage of hell... College students from Mumbai on a five day trip in Kerela... 17-19 year old educated well dressed/trashy Indian girls... you can imagine there reaction to a 6'2" tanned white boy, with blonde hair and enchanting blue eyes... The carriage was alive with singing, laugher and shouting, in a usual situation i would have trived in such an enviroment but with Matthias it was a whole diffrent ball game.
He has a certain look in his eyes that he shoots at any girl who will look, at first he noticed my discomfort and sent me a reassuring comment "I'd rather be with you than any of these girls..." But this soon became a lie as one well dressed bitch began to sing to him and flirt madly... Our 'friendship' does not frown apon such things so he played along and before i knew it they were exchanging numbers... The knife i'd hidden away for these few week, stabbed me hard in my stomach and blocked the air in my chest... All i could think about was how to get off the train, i turned my music on really loud and closed my eyes hoping it would all just melt away but the pain began to take over my whole body... How does one man have the abilty to make me feel so much pleasure and so much pain, i stood suddenly and escaped to the freedom of the nearest open door... for around an hour i believed and hoped in the back of my mind that he would come looking for me, hug and kiss me and join me at the door, after an hour of nothing i gave up hope and it was then that a dicidion i've been pushing to the back of my mind was made... after this meeting i will not see him ever again, for my health happiness and well being i should not be around this man.
As we were approaching Trivandum i went back to him to get my bag, he seemed unbothered by my disapearence, not question where i had been, the next half an hour was spent in sicken pain as i sat on the upper bunk with our bag while he flirted and talked to number girl! On the platform another one of the tramps stopped him to talk and flirt, i was free now no train to restrict my movement so without turning to inform him i walked up the stairs and over the bridge to the exit... phone ringing Matthias India "Where have you gone?"M "I'm outside needed to get away!"S "Don't do that Saskia"M I put the phone down. Me don't do that!! FUCK YOU!!! Inside i wanted to run but i reasoned with myself and dicided to wait, we walked in slience for 30mintues intill we found a hotel with a room, then i took and shower and washed the pain of the train away. Tonight was not the time to talk about it... The last thing i need after all that is a 'just friends' talk! So i burried my head in the sand and fell asleep in his arms.

The next mornign after a room service breakfast, i thought about the day before and feared that today in Trivandum we would bump into the school girls and i would be stabbed once more, the fear subsided when we were walking around the zoo hand in hand, playing, laughing, talking and having a wonderful time... seeing... Bears, monkeys, deer, hippos, one elephant, leapods, snakes, bird and two small cages, one with a lion and one with a tiger, walking up and down looking very upset and uncared for, my sensertive soul cried out and i escaped to the sercurity of Matt's arms.

During a wonderful dinner at the Trivandum branch of The Indian Coffee house number girl called Matt, he didn't awncer, but told me fortrightly that he would sleep with her and is going to met up with her in Mumbai, Ouch, slience... bill... hotel... talk
I told him that he had upset me the day before and made me feel unwanted, he got angry told me he wished i didn't keep things inside and said them when he could do something, but then also added that he knew how i'd been feeling, so really he chose not to do something, he is happy with himself and isin't going to be someone else to make me happy... It my issue. I must deal with it.

Back to the beach Kollvum, beautiful lighthouse, lovely room... Many things unsaid...


"TO love is to love there is no reason for loving..."

Love and happiness 😊

Saskia xxxxxxxxxx

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