Long Distance Engagements

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I know the title of this blog will worry many of my friends and family, but those who know my past history understand that I have special insight into long distance relationships which become serious. I have noticed a phenomenon here in Shanghai: there are two friends of mine who have become engaged while staying in Shanghai. Through Facebook, I know that another friend is in a similar circumstance. Her boyfriend is on my current side of the world while she is back in South Carolina.

I wonder what the point is. One of my good friends plans to marry his girlfriend when she comes to visit. They have only been together for 6 months and have even come close to breaking up because of the distance. Another friend told me about her boyfriend shortly after we first met. She was worried that he wasn't over his ex, and she seemed to have as much negative things to say about his as positive. Yet he came for a visit and I suppose things have changed for her.

I remember the distance, the strain that it put on my relationship. When I proposed, I hadn't planned it. It was a whim that I followed and I regret, if only but a little. I learned many valuable lessons from my failed engagement, the most forceful lesson was to take things slowly and rationally. But I also remember what being engaged did to our relationship, at first. It brought us closer together. It seemed to close the distance because marriage gave the relationship a tangible goal, which helped me to look farther down the road than the next time that I would see her. It reduced the pain of waiting for months to be with the person I cared about, and made leaving that person easier because I could look forward to a time when the distance was nullified permanently.

I am glad that I am single here in Shanghai. It is difficult to stay in touch with people on a different schedule, and it is very tough to not hear from people that you care about for days or weeks at a time. I only hope that my friends have taken time to fully consider these lifetime commitments they have begun to make, though sadly they too may look back and realize what a good lesson it was for them.

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Comments

[Becky]

Understanding....
I have had to reflect on a lot of things and look at a list that ways cons and pros. I have been questioning everything since it is a big step. Ultimatly I look at how my life is now. I may have a realtionship but I have to do things that are for me right now. I don't want to plan to far into the future since things change. The marraige idea dose help but at the same time hurts. I have to look at what is going to bennifit me in the long run and not build everything around one person. When it comes to that.... Then I will. Technically I am not offically engaged. Second off he has to make major changes before it reaches that level in the relationship. Where as he says he wants to get married this year I want to wait till I have college finsihed.... I guess it comes down to this. I want to still plan my life as if he is not there so I am not doing everything for someone else. That's how I see it. Someone once told me it was selfish to think that way but... If he leaves or the person I am married to gets divorced from me... what happens to me then? I maybe with the person but I still have things to accomplished. Things like what your doing.