A Sunday Evening Wedding in Shanghai


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Asia » China » Shanghai » Jing An
April 1st 2010
Published: April 1st 2010
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Welcome to the wedding recap blog. So much to share. First the background. Jiyi works with Mark and they’ve known each other for 3 years. Melody is his lovely bride. They asked the kids to be the “flower children”and for Mark to be the Best Man. We went dress and tuxedo shopping for the kids with Jiyi and Melody and Nathan even got a hair cut before the wedding. You probably won’t be able to tell, but he really did.

The day of the wedding, Emily, Mark and I set out on a white shoe mission for Emily. Shoes and tights. I was pretty confident that even though we were unsuccessful in finding white shoes in Emily’s size at the 3 stores we visited in our nearby mall the previous week, we’d find the shoes at the children’s market about 15 minutes from home. Sure enough, we got tights in the socks and tights store and shoes at one of several kids’ shoe stores. The shoes were so cheap I lost my usual bargain savvy edge and agreed to the first price—Mark was annoyed. Whatever, the shoes were about $12 USD. Tights $1.50 USD each. I didn’t bargain for those either.

On to the wedding!
First, the venue. Ritz Carlton Portman Hotel on Nanjing Road West. Way fancy. We’ve been in the hotel before to use the bathroom but that’s it. It’s near a few of our favorite restaurants and a western grocery store so we’re familiar with the area. Just never been above the lobby level of the hotel until this wedding.
There were non-smoking signs in the lobby area but of course, this is China, and there were people smoking. It was not too bad though so maybe the signs had some impact.

We were recognized as part of the wedding party due to the kids’ attire and were sent to the fourth floor. There was a sign directing us to the wedding and we walked past a welcome area, and a lobby with seating into the very elegant ballroom. This was still pre-wedding setup time and we were there for the rehearsal.

The room had seating for 250 guests. Large round tables with lazy Susans in the center covered with flower arrangements, candles, chocolate favors for each guest, a menu with Chinese and English descriptions of the dishes, and the traditional Chinese wedding table favors, cigarettes and matches.
We were at the VIP table. Quite an honor. The table was reserved for the bride and groom, the Slaven four, our personal helper, Zhihui (who also works with Mark and Jiyi and was assigned to help us with translations and logistics) as well as several of the wedding couple’s closest friends. Our four names were the only English names on the table chart with all 250 guests. That was pretty funny to us. As much as we stood out, we always stand out. Everyone was so welcoming and friendly. We were so excited to be part of this happy celebration for such a great couple.

Jiyi greeted us right away. He was wearing a suit and a bright red tie. Melody was beyond stunning. She was absolutely gorgeous. When I raved about her gorgeous dress and how amazing she looked, she immediately turned it around and began complementing me and my dress. This is classic Chinese courtesy. Melody’s dress during the rehearsal was a long, fitted, beaded, white wedding gown. Her hair was done up and her makeup was flawless. This was just the rehearsal dress, however. The “real” wedding dress was also white but with a fuller skirt and a lovely long train. Melody had two more wardrobe changes during the night. Jiyi wore the same thing the entire night. Men always have it easier.

In case you were wondering (as was I) Melody rented all these gowns. That's pretty common in China and makes tons of sense. There are entire markets devoted to wedding wardrobe rentals. The professional photos had already been taken. These were playing in a slideshow before the wedding began. The wedding photo shoot was done over the course of a single day, but included many venues and many wardrobe changes for both bride and groom.

Even though the clothes were western, there were plenty of things that distinguished this Chinese
wedding from a traditional western wedding. First, there was a professional wedding moderator narrating the entire ceremony including the ring exchange. He used a microphone and was more like a DJ or Emcee than what we would usually see in the States with a priest, minister, rabbi or even judge. The moderator was a young stylishly dressed man in a black suit.

The moderator walked everyone through the entire ceremony. There was a stage with a runway and the kids and Mark had to walk the runway. During the rehearsal, Mark hammed it up walking down toward the bridal couple. He was not asked to rehearse his speech, so he spent the rest of the pre-wedding time mumbling to himself in a corner, practicing holding a water bottle as a mic in case the podium didn’t have the affixed mic he was promised by the hotel staff. I finally had to cut Mark off and tell him to stop practicing.

The wedding started with music befitting a professional sporting event. Spotlights flying, an intro in Chinese (duh) of which I understood the date 2010, March 28. First, Jiyi came out and sang a love song. It was in English and he did a great job. Brave! Next, Nathan and Emily walked out and stood on either side of the runway stairs. Then the bride and her father walked in and met Jiyi, did the handoff and the couple walked together toward the stage. Then it was time for Mark. He walked slowly down the runway to the theme from the Olympics. I could see he was resisting waving to the crowd. It was all very official. He greeted the bride and groom and then went right to the podium. The mic was all set, he had pre-staged his wine and water (in preparation for the toast and in case of a dry mouth emergency, respectively).

Mark was asked to participate in a best man type role that is either for a family uncle or a boss. They went with Mark, the boss (and friend).The speech was a big hit. I helped Mark write it with my tutor. She gave us a few localisms that were well received by the audience. One of the things we included was a reference to the fact that Mark and Jiyi both love to eat a spicy peanut noodle dish from Jiyi’s home province of Sichuan. He told the audience that Jiyi had helped our family become used to Shanghai. He made a joke about how even though Jiyi doesn’t like to carry Melody’s purse (a Shanghai thing) she will still be able to get him to buy groceries. It was a great speech. Mark had memorized quite a bit and he got all the tones. I showed the video of the speech to the tutor later and
can you find our names?can you find our names?can you find our names?

hint: only names not in Chinese
she was very pleased with his performance. Here's the speech .

Each table had a bowl with the double happiness symbol stuck underneath. We all checked our bowls and the winners at each table got to go get a prize. Nathan won at our table. He got a teddy bear. A certain white clad gal (not the bride) at our table was a bit sad not to be the winner. She was given a make-up prize after the wedding and all is in balance again.

All the tables besides ours had been laid with cold dishes before the ceremony started and were served traditional Chinese family style the rest of the meal. However our VIP table was served an individual plate of the cold dishes and all subsequent hot dishes. The food was great. Small portions of many famous dishes. We had shark fin soup. My first time. Each dish had two names describing it on the menu. One was a fancy name and one was a literal name. For example, there was “Sweet Talk” “Stir fried shrimp with vegetables”. Another dish’s first name was “happy marriage”. The kids nibbled but did not starve. At one point, when they served a fish course, Emily’s portion was mostly tail. We secretly switched hers with Mark’s to see how he’d react. He ended up eating Emily’s anyway but it was pretty funny to see him try not to be even a little freaked. No wedding cake. Fruit for dessert and a couple Chinese pastries. Melody did not sit down and eat once during the meal. Jiyi sat down for about 5 minutes and ate a few bites.

The wedding was really well done and the focus was on making guests feel welcome and appreciated. There were games and prizes as well as a raffle at the end. The raffle involved guests buying red envelopes (hong bao) for 10 RMB each and then writing their mobile phone number on the outside of the envelope. The moderator drew an envelope from a bucket of all the envelopes and Jiyi called the the winner on his phone--added to the drama--and the winner took home the entire pot! The bride and groom put in a starting 500RMB to encourage participation.

Jiyi and Melody came back into the ballroom and Melody was wearing a glittery gold evening gown. The games were fun. For one game, the bride and groom got on a scale together and then couples would weigh in to see if they could get close to the bridal couples’ weight. I did not participate. There were also trivia questions about the couple, like “Who cooked their first Valentine’s Day dinner?” The correct answer was Jiyi. He later told us he made steak. Something he learned from living in the States.

Somehow Melody had another wardrobe change and reappeared in a lovely red evening gown. The couple and their parents were all on the stage to watch the videos and slide shows. There was a video message from the bride’s sister (actually her cousin) but in Chinese families, they call their cousins brothers and sisters. The sister was in Japan studying and sent a very sweet video message to the couple. There were slide shows of Jiyi and Melody growing up. Some shots of Chicago made it into Jiyi’s show and we cheered at the Cubs game and the shots of Jiyi and Mark on business trips in China. The last slide show was of the couple and their courtship. As is typical in pre-wedding stories, Jiyi and his best friend from childhood were up all night the night before finishing the slideshows.

Another fun Chinese custom is having a designated drinker for all the toasts. The Chinese do a lot of toasting. Especially at weddings. The wedding couple went to each table and drank a toast. When it’s time to drink, you say “gambei” which is the Chinese cheers equivalent to "bottoms up" and which literally means dry glass. Jiyi’s friend went with him and did all the drinking. He was pouring extra glasses of wine between tables. He was a thin man but he could hold his own with a wine bottle.

We had a great time and enjoyed being so closely involved in the wedding. I sat next to Zhihui and probably annoyed her with culture questions the entire time. She was very helpful and answered all of my many questions.

We hopped into a taxi outside the hotel and zipped hoThe kids went right to bed after we got home--school the next day.




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this was the friend who introduced them


1st April 2010

The bride wore white...gold...red...
Wow...how fascinating. Much happiness to Jiyi and Melody. It's impressive that Mark delivered the toast in Chinese. Thanks for this fabulous account.
1st April 2010

Evening Wedding in Shanghai
Yes! It is so interesting to see the similarites and differences from a Western angle. You all look so stunning in your Sunday best!

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