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Published: December 24th 2012
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Welcome!
If our two-toned crooked tree wasn't bad enough, notice anything wrong with the sign? Last Saturday was my company’s Christmas party, though not in the sense you might think. It was a party for the students at which the teachers and staff were the entertainment. About a week ago I was asked to choose a song to sing at the party. I told them I’d sing White Christmas. It’s short and easy to sing. They informed me that a young student who played the piano would accompany me. A few days later I was told that the boy didn’t have time to learn a new song and that I’d be singing ‘Silent Night’. He already knew that song. Friday, the day before the party, he and his overbearing mother brought in a keyboard so that we could practice. As soon as he begun to play I knew I was in trouble. His rendition was about 18,000 octaves higher that what my vocal chords are capable of singing. His mother, who barely speaks English, decided it was her mission in life to teach me how to sing this song. In the process I broke my ‘don’t laugh’ muscle. I doubt it will ever work again. In future I may have to run out of the room
Drunk Santa!
I'll bet he smells like beef and cheese. to avoid laughing at inappropriate moments. This is why it broke: With her arm around me and her face positioned in close proximity to my ear she belted, “Silan Na, Silan Na, ore is earm, ore is blight, roun yon wirgin mudder an chill….”And on and on it went. Not only could I not laugh, I had to also try to sing with her. In one horrifically shining moment I felt the transfixion of every trapped animal in the history of the universe. And that’s when my ‘don’t laugh’ muscle broke. It’ll never be the same again. I barely made it out alive.
The following evening we had our Christmas party. It began with introductions and music. I sang my choir boy rendition of Silent Night with another student while the boy played his keyboard. Afterwards we went to different classrooms to run games for the students. Most of the teachers chose games involving English (memory games, charades, Pictionary, etc.) but since I was told that wasn’t a requirement I chose to have them play Pass the Orange. Groups of students came into the theatre room where I was set up. I split them into two lines
Jenny and Jacob
Jacob is one of my roommates. and they had to pass the orange using only their chins and necks. There was a fair amount of cheating, as expected, but everyone had a blast. Since I was stuck running my game Simon, my manager, took my camera around and took pictures of the party. The party closed with some sort of conga line dance called The Bunny. From three different students I received home-baked cookies (I haven’t tried yet), a bag of candy, and a Cinderella lollipop. Sweet!
Per my contract I should have one paid holiday day for Christmas. Since Tuesday is my usual day off I was given Monday off for the holiday. For the first time in my life I am spending the whole of Christmas Eve alone. You might say to yourself, “Oh my, how sad!” I’m here to tell you, folks, that it is indeed sad. Though perhaps not as sad as tomorrow will be when I awake to an empty Christmas morning. Fortunately I have plans with friends later on in the day, so the holiday won’t be completely miserable. Truth be told, I wasn’t miserable today. It was more of a dull ache and a strange feeling
If you look closely...
...you can see me dying inside just a little. that I had forgotten something. Thanks to a cold and the Nyquil I took for said cold I slept in fairly late. But I was determined not to sulk around my temporary residence all day. I treated myself to a Christmas dinner of cheesy mashed potatoes and pizza at Pizza Hut. My cheese tank has been running on fumes for days now and Pizza Hut was just the place to fill her up. The wait staff were all wearing Christmas hats and the restaurant was playing acceptable Christmas music. After my meal I went to wander around Garden City Center, the mall nearby. I checked the theatre for The Hobbit (still no luck) and ended up at Dunkin’ Donuts for some coffee and people-watching. I waited until dark then went back outside to snap a few pictures of the Christmas lights. They were having some sort of Christmas pageant on the first floor of the mall. In customary China style, it was chaotic and impossible to follow. Still, it was nice to see something Christmas-y happening.
If I have to spend Christmas mostly alone, China is the place to do it. I think it would be torture
to be surrounded by celebrating families when I am so far from mine. Instead I was surrounded by people having an ordinary day, just like me.
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Trish
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Holy freaking night Tiffany, that is hilarious! I don\'t know how you held it together for so long! American Christmas misses you but it\'s not nearly as entertaining as your China Christmas, that is for darn sure.