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Published: October 19th 2012
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Today is sparring day. Yes that's right. I get to fight a 21 year old boy....this will be interesting.
After morning circuit I walk down to the basket ball court to see the class have already started a weights circuit. Two longtermer girls are back in Shaolin for this week – Alison and Eleanor a large limbed curvacious bonde 6ft Russina. Not exactly kindred spirits but they are both very friendly and supportive of me being there which I am very grateful for.
Alison gradually takes all of the weights off a bar until two teeny round ones are left at either end.
"Try this" she says patiently –" I want to see some arm extension."
Gulp.
I am holding a bar with weights at either end and pushing it out away from my body. ALthough they are the veyr lightest she can find it feels like my arms are going to snap.
Camille stops by –" 'ow are you Dominique?... Still Alive???"
Its good someone's checking to be honest – what will I do when she goes?
In the afternoon I get to spar. I have headdress, body armour, shin pads and
boxing gloves on. I am going to fight Felix. Camille's very sweet brother.
"Please don't hurt me!" I whisper – perhaps not entirely in the spirit of the thing.
We bump fists to start and there then ensures the most exhausting 6 minutes of my life. ITs all i can do to keep facing the right way in the ring.
“Come at me Dominique come at me!” encourages Felix bobbing and weaving about...
I try and throw a few punches and kicks and he retaliates by punching me in the face – ow it hurts -
"Keep your guard up!" shout the boys – easy for them to say.
Just when I think I can't stand up any longer Patrice shouts 10 seconds left – and I gain some energy from somewhere and kick him right in the groin. He doubles over even though he's wearing a cod piece.
The boys cheer – "Kick him in the balls again!" They cry...
Its not actually allowed in sparring – but as Wong magnanimously says - it would be a good thing to do in a real fight as a girl. Round two is another utterly exhausting and sweaty 3 minutes where the adrenaline courses through my body – I lob a few punches and kicks his direction – get a hefty kick to my kidneys from Felix and end up kicking him in the balls again to much cheering and whooping from my audience.
When time is finally called I can hardly stand let alone get out of the ring I stand helpless while on of the boys undoes my body armour and takes off my helmet. I am red from the top of my hairline done to my collar bone – every strand of my hair is dripping with sweat and I have sweat and black fuzz from the body armour running all the way down my stomach. I look at myself in awe...
"Who have I become??" I wonder ....
Well done! Say a couple of the boys. And then at the end Wong comes up and smiles.
"Good" he says.
I don't think i'm ready to menace the streeets of south london just yet – but by giving it my all I think i've avoided embarrasing myself too....!
We finish by massaging each other's leg muscles with our feet - Wong sees to mine:
"HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA - NO MUSCLE" he says.
Yes alright - thanks for pointing that out.
The following morning -the circuit is The Bleep Test. I don't know what this is but I can only assume its another Orwellian torture conjured up to kill me. The sky is rosy and the last of the bats are still circling.
We have to run from one of end of the basketball to the other in between the bleeps, the bleeps gradually become shorter and shorter apart and if you don't complete the distance you are out. Needless to say I am first out – a punishment for coming in over a certain time is laps around the school which I start to do on autopilot -but Scott says I don't need to . So again – I haven't completley disgraced myself.
One of the long term students – Talele is back. She is a 6ft German with shoulders that could pull an ox and a nose that crunches up when she smiles.
“Look at her – she eez so strong...” whispers Camille in my ear..."She eez built like a tree!”
This morning its my first experience at bone conditioning. I am paired with Talele.
We start by banging our forearms into each other in two places.
"It hurt!"
"Yes it always hurts as the bones begin to bruise" – says Talia reassuringly – but I notice -not suggesting we therefore stop this foolish activity and do something else instead.
The principle behind bone conditioning is similar to buiding muscle. When a muscle tears it grows back stronger. When bones fracture or sustain impact they become denser and grow stronger. Therefore it is in your interest as a lean mean fighting machine to bang your bones repeatedly until it no longer hurts...or something.
After we have been doing it a while its becoming excruciating – because we are always hitting our arms together in the same place...
" Yes ... you will be bruised tomorrow." she agrees.
After forearms are done we push our legs together until our shin bones touch and then stand there pushing against each other and dig in. A new and even more uncomfortable type of pain in my repertoire of pain and discofort. When we pull our legs away it looks like I have holes in them.
To top it off we finish the session kicking each other in the thighs.
"Kick me as hard as you can" she says (clearly not realising I've already tried to do that...)
I thwack my foot into her enormous meaty thigh and almost disable myself. She looks around casually as if someone's tapped her on the shoulder.
"Aaargggghhhh that hurt." i say. I don't think its supposed to hurt the person doing the kicking.
We move onto kicking each other in the ribs.
She gets ready to launch –
" DON'T kick me as hard as you can!!!" I say hurriedly!
"Don't worry I won't" she says – lightly tapping me with her foot and almost winding me.
I think to myself – well this is a very odd start to the day – voluntarily being kicked in the ribs by a built like a brick shit house German girl. I wonder what i'll get up to tomorrow...
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